ive been identifying in my mind as a lesbian for a while now...i had never even kissed a woman until 1 year ago (im 28) the thing is she was really sexual but for my i felt i prefered to cuddle kiss and the more we kissed and the more time we spend together the more "sexual" things i was wanting to do. having said that i saw her a coupke times and each time we did more stuff but never sex completely. now i i wond if there is anything wrong with me ...if i fantize about her sexually i get really turned on and when we were closer i would think about her and get a pinch in my lower stomach that felt like arousal... any ideas?im i just very scared and wired?
What you're describing is definitely not consistent with being asexual (as the word is widely understood and used). According to the research, women typically tend experience sexual arousal differently than men do; often it is much more about the connection with the person and the connection, and the sexual experience and joy itself often takes time to develop. (This is what some people mistakenly label as 'demisexual' but it's actually more like the common experience that women have.) So what you're describing is actually pretty normal. It's likely that as you continue to cultivate the relationship with her, that you'll continue to feel a deeper sense of connection. It's also quite possible that, if this is your first experience in a relationship with a woman that some of the underlying internalized homophobia that all of us have may be at play; you can be consciously totally OK with everything, but unconsciously there's still a message that says "Uh... I dunno if this is OK". And that, too, tends to fall away as you become more comfortable in the relationship. The above sounds a little vague, but I hope it helps.
Totally agree with Chip. And the preference of how much sex to have and when is different for everyone and it's possible your last partner just wasn't a match. Another part of it may be that you don't know exactly what to do or how to do it which is perfectly fine. In my experience, pretty much every woman is different so you have to almost start from the beginning with each new partner to figure out what they like. I'm sure you'll be fine.
