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Anyone else ever feel they are on the "outside" looking in?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by brainwashed, Jun 7, 2019.

  1. brainwashed

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    I keep getting this thought, "I'm on the outside looking in". I primarily get this thought when interacting with friends and people in general. I just never seem to be part of the group.
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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  3. Brandy Bee

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    Constantly as well
     
  4. Mary007

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    If happens to me too
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! I think it is a common thought and perhaps feeling for a lot of people; curious though, when you get that thought,they say or do, when you have that thought?
     
  6. brainwashed

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    From my Jounal:
    (this is not the first time I’ve entered a post on this feeling.) I now have a theory for this. When growing up, being gay (but in my case not knowing I was gay) I would have most certainly felt I was different. Not complete. I did not have a role model to identify with so to some degree I felt empty, incomplete. I theorize this may be the source of feeling like an outsider. If this theory has substance, the feeling of being an outsider, most certainly would have become a habit . It’s not hard to grasp this habit would be carried into adult hood and resurface, if indeed it had gone below surface, when one decompresses – decompress from suppressing my innate sexuality.
     
    #6 brainwashed, Jun 8, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
  7. OnTheHighway

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    When we are not connected to our true selves, how can we be connected to others? When we are avoiding whom we are, we have a wall around us to protect us from emotional distress. This emotional wall is a barrier.

    As we go down the path of self actualization, we being to bring down the emotional barrier. Vulnerability allows us to open up and connect to whom we really are. Being vulnerable build confidence, self esteem, self worth and self respect. And as we gain confidence, the wall comes down.

    When we are connected to ourselves, self actualized, and the wall has fallen no longer exists we can begin to feel connected to others. Rather than being on the outside, we are now on the inside.
     
    #7 OnTheHighway, Jun 8, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
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  8. Nightlight

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    My life in a nutshell
     
  9. OGS

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    I guess I still very occasionally feel this way. When I was younger it was almost constant. Coming out and the ensuing personal growth largely stopped it for me.
     
  10. johndeere3020

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    Brainwashed, get a copy of Pride, by Dr. Ronald Holt. I just finished it and I could relate to most of the book. It put a lot of things in perspective concerning memories and feelings from the past.

    Dean
     
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  11. Railwayj

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    My life as well! :-(
     
  12. Morse Code

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  13. SevnButton

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    Hi @brainwashed -
    Looks like the answer to your question is 'yes'! :slight_smile: I think @OnTheHighway is on to something because here on Empty Closets, where I'm more authentic than anywhere else, is one place where I don't feeling like I'm on the outside looking in.
     
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  14. SoulSearch

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    Yes, I’ve felt like that my whole life I’ve had fleeting moments of feeling like I belonged, but I can’t sustain them.
     
  15. Frick

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  16. smee

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    In too many ways though I think that it's getting better. I had a recent misunderstanding that was partly driven by my feeling I was the nerd/outsider among the cool kids. Going way back, I used to wonder if my life was just a simulation and I was really on a table in a lab somewhere. I was in grade school at the time, so that was maybe twenty years before The Matrix was released.

    At times I wonder if my coming out is as much about learning how to interact in a genuine manner with others.
     
  17. I'mStillStanding

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    Yes!

    Most of my life actually and I think the worst has been the last few days. Ironically I’ve been around family the last couple days and it’s been great, I’ve reconnected with some old friends, and made major progress in therapy. But the one friend I’ve been speaking to daily for months is temporarily unreachable and the only place I’ve ever kinda felt solid I feel very much on the outs (here at EC). My world flipped again and it’s weird.