have a boyfriend but might be lesbian?

Hey welcome to EC. If you read your post as an outsider what would you think? Of course only you can truely make the decision but from what you have written to me, it sounds like you already know the answer but you just don't want it to be true, or at least a part of you doesn't want it to be true. How long have you been with your boyfriend?

 

I'm intrigued, if at the time you were so sure and happy identifying as a lesbian, how you got together? I'm not saying you shouldn't or it was the wrong thing, just trying to understand the backstory completely.

 

Well if you are crushing on guys then perhaps you are bi.

 

As silverhalo said, it sounds like you already know the answer and don't want it to be true. I highly doubt this is a "medical thing;" it sounds like you just aren't sexually attracted to men. All of the attraction you describe for them and for your boyfriend seems rather half-hearted and unwilling. Whether this means you define yourself as gay or bi with a bit of an asterisk is up to you, but I do really hope you can be honest with your boyfriend about it. No one deserves to feel obligated to be attracted to someone or to have sex with them.

 

The thing is, that's my feelings towards men as well. It helped me when I learned that attraction isn't supposed to be iffy--it's supposed to be exciting, happy, fitting and fulfilling for you. Outright disgust is not the marker of a lack of sexual attraction, and we all deserve attraction that is more than merely tolerable. I think the fact that "great, perfect, happy" is how identifying as a lesbian makes you feel really says something.

It's great that you've found a love with someone that is otherwise perfectI I just hope that you can consider whether that love can sustain you, and whether it's what you want for yourself, above all else! Please try to ensure that in anything you do you're doing it for yourself and not to keep normalcy/the peace. I guess the bottom line would be that sexuality is weird and fluid, and everyone has exceptions to their rule. Perhaps you're a lesbian with an exception. Whatever the label, it's important not to compromise on big things like having sex when you don't feel attracted to the person, just to appease them.

 

I think it's a common idea that all lesbians are absolutely horrified at the thought of a man but it's not always the case. I'm not disgusted I'm just neutral or meh as you say.

 

Hi,came across to this forum and yours i could relate much when i was so confused and all before of knowing my identity.
You know I had boyfriends before and had a serious one few years ago but long story short,
Um i felt the same way you felt before, i had a good relationship with him but im not sexually attracted to him than i do with girls. He is a nice guy and all but i could never find a good connection or chemistry when im with him especially when in comes to intimacy or sex part. There are things im just comfortable with him like being my best friend and or anything to do other than sex or even talking about future i get more comfortable talking to girls than to a guy its weird when you find connection.but then anyway i realized i was denying my feeling inside the whole time fighting to come out that I am more comfortable being with a girl when im with him .its just feels right ,its just feel me. Find out that makes you,more you .
I know its sound so confusing to you now but all you need to do is a closure to yourself,find the balance of either sex of whom you think that would make you feel comfortable all the time, whom you think that even a simple touch or smile across the room makes you happier to see or when it comes down to it ,find out to whom you feel with more genuine connection when you have sex or even a simple kiss u can always tell.