Sex Partners: Casual/NSA, Friends with Benefits, Intimate Lovers

Over the course of my journey I have experienced various forms of physical intimacy with others categorized between Casual Sex (No Strings Attached, Hookups), Friends with Benefits as well as Intimate and emotionally Connected Sex between lovers.

When I first embraced my sexuality, I sought out a partner to have sex with. I was not comfortable nor did I understand the dynamics of casual sex. I was uncomfortable even thinking about having sex with a complete and total stranger. And shortly after embracing my sexuality I began seeing a guy that I developed an intimate connection with and we became boyfriends. The sex was passionate, empowering, expressive and intense.

When we broke up, I continued to struggle initially with the idea of cause sex. It went agains everything I was brought up to believe about emotionally connected intimacy between two people. But a strange thing happened. Almost as if it was an out of body experience, I would engage in casual sex, find rational justification for doing so (which I look back on now and laugh at), and did so regularly and frequently. I had deep issues of rejection, feelings of worthiness, a sense my family did not love me and all of this drove a desire to seek validation through casual sex. Fortunately, I took protective courses of action and remained safe during this long and intense period of time where I engaged in Casual sex.

Thereafter I entered another relationship. The relationship was emotionally charged, had significant swings both high and low, and the sex was insane. My then partner pushed my boundaries and I opened up sexually engaging in activities I never could have imagined to get involved with. The emotionally charged intimacy created opportunities and challenges as we then pushed each other’s boundaries to see how far we could go. As we did, we each crossed some lines I regret having been crossed and after a lengthy relationship close to five years where the swings became too great for us to manage we mutually agreed to split up.

Feeling insecure about being alone, I found myself quickly dating another amazing guy. We connected instantaneously. Having experienced the roller coaster ride from my last relationship and where he also had recently exited a relationsip, I worked to direct the traffic towards a more low key, monogamous and romantically based intimacy between us. After a little more than a handful of months, I concluded that I had actually more confidence in myself than I thought and realized I needed to be single. So despite the feelings I had and still have with him, I broke off the relationship.

With the next relationship I am now in, I have focused on having a relationship with myself.

So today I am single and having a realationship with myself. I am on my second month and I am pleasantly surprised how much I am enjoying it. I have friends that have gravitated toward me and provide emotional support, and some of those friends have become intimate just the same. I have been clear that I am not exclusive with anyone of them. We all have an understanding that we take things as they come and enjoy each other’s company without long term commitments other than to provide emotional support to each other. I have no need for apps or other channels to seek out sex. The friends with benefits have been established amongst an existing group of fiends that I became emotionally connected to. I did not consciously seek this out and I did not even think about such a dynamic although there have been some discussions about alternative forms of relationships on EC that I have participated in. I have no other fully committed partner that can feel jealous based on the relationships I have developed. Maybe some of them have individual have some concerns which should be expected, but since no commitments have been made outside of FWB, I am not sure there is much to do other than let them make their own adult decisions.

I am not sure how long I will be having this relationship with just myself. As I am enjoying it and learning a lot about myself. At the same time, I have secured ways to satisfy my human instincts including emotionally connected friendships and physical releases, I seem to find, for now, that I am in a good place. Not sure where this leads, but I will simply sit back and enjoy it while I can.