I started to question my sexuality about 2 years ago when I was 18 and had a crush on a girl in school. Since then I haven’t done much more about it but have had one other crush since, this girl being one of my best friends. In terms of lesbian experience I’ve had sex with one of my bisexual friends a few times but I always felt weird about it cause we don’t like each other like that. It was just more curiosity I guess. So I couldn’t confidently say I’m bisexual yet, cause I’m just not sure. I get with guys a lot but I’m only attracted to very few girls compared to how many guys I find attractive. Anyways, I’m currently texting a girl online who I’m gonna be meeting up with over summer and she’s gay. I really like her and so I think that when we meet up we’ll probably start seeing each other and having sex. She lives far away from me but during the summer I’ll be living near her so it’s ideal. My question is in relation to what I tell my friends when I get back from summer. I’ve got two best friends that I’ve already told and they’re so supportive of it. But my other friends from uni are very new to the whole idea of lesbians and that and I’m so afraid that if I told them I’d been with a girl over summer they’d act differently around me. I know everyone’s gonna be thinking ‘yeah but do what makes you happy’ and ‘they’ll accept you for who you are if they’re your real friends’ and I totally agree. But on the other hand I’m thinking if it’s the case that this is just a summer fling and I don’t ever feel this way about a girl again then is it worth coming out and possibly making things weird with my friends? Anyone’s advice/ personal experience would be super helpful thank you!
Hey what you do is really up to you. If you are not sure what is going to happen yet or you think it might just be a one off summer thing then perhaps you could just wait until after the summer to make your decision on telling anyone else. As far as coming out goes in general it is a purely personal thing, there are no right or wrong decisions on what you should do or who you should or shouldn't tell. As crazy as it sounds you will know when the right time to tell them is and so perhaps if you are not sure then it is not the right time yet.
Hi! If you feel unsure now, wait until after the summer and see how you feel after. You don’t have to come out if you don’t want to, and don’t feel that you have to. This is your journey and you get to set the rules. You don’t have to tell your uni friends anything, or you could just mention it in passing. I’ve found that the more casual I talk about being attracted to women, the quicker the person just shrugs and says cool and the conversation moves on. If it makes you feel better, I waited 10 years before coming out after I accepted I was gay. I had the same fears that I would be treated differently, and was lucky that nothing changed with my friends and family. If anything, it brought us closer together because I felt I could open up to them.
Thank you so much for your reply! I think I’ll wait and see how I feel after the summer. Hopefully I’ll be more sure by then.
Thanks for replying! That actually makes me feel so much better. I think bringing it up casually is a really good idea so thank you.
Have a great summer! I suspect that what you suspect is true: sex with feelings will be better. But I have to say I kinda admire you for your brief experimenting.
