Any married guys in the closet out there?

It is awful. I wish you peace

 

Hi @Gayhusband -
My heart grieves for you. I hope I'm mistaken, but I don't hear hope in your posts, only dispair. Maybe that comes out here, but you have joy in other parts of your life?

There's a lot of support available here, no matter what you decide to do. I hope you will tap into it, and at the same time offer your perspective to other folks. We're all better off when we help each other.

Hugs-
=Sevn

 

I definitely have joy in other parts of my life. Thank you . As I slowly come out to my wife as a bisexual, I’m realizing I’m leaning way more homosexual than I’d have to admit I’m comfortable with. It’s a slow step in the right direction I think. It hurts! All of us. I was such a girl crazy boy at one time, it’s hard for all of us ( my family) to accept. We’re a beautiful family but dad (me) is gay, or confused. Definitely conflicted! I need male sexual attention! I need male intimacy! I’m a bit of a mess

 

Our stories are very similar, with a few differences. I'm in my early 30's, so I'm still in the "conquering path" (yet to be at the top of my career, yet to have the car or the house of my dreams, etc). Also I've already come out to her, I've told her that I'm gay. But I haven't moved on from that point yet. But that's a decision that I've made. I've decided I won't live like this forever, I just need to have the guts to tell her (and the world) that I'll break free. But that's only a matter of time.

 

Wow ....this could be my story except I am 63.the feeling to be loved by a man has only increased the older I get. Like yourself I have a fantastic wife but would prefer sex with a man.it may never happen and like you feel like a jerk at times...and I have no idea how to proceed....unfortunately welcome to the club.

 

Hi, like you and “Oldguy”, I figured it out long after I was mostly happily married and had kids. I’m also 63, so much older than you. I “came out” to myself 6 or 7 years ago as it was getting more and more difficult to live with. Like you both and I think many of us in this situation, the guilt was crushing. My wife had no idea and I knew learning it would be devastating. But my reality had begun to consume me - I had to do something. I found a therapist who was helpful. Despite research, the first two therapists were not helpful. The third was great. Ultimately, I began to truly believe that I’m not a horrible person and to see how much damage living so inauthentically had done to my psyche. Ultimately, telling my wife was the only way I could begin to feel any authenticity.

But I also knew telling her, while it may ease some of my pain, would result in transferring it to her. And that’s what happened. It was horrible at first. But we survived. It’s been four years. She’s been mostly amazing.

There’s help out there. I’m happy to talk or chat. There are several internet groups that have been helpful for me. One is for couples where the gay/bi spouse has disclosed or been outed to the straight spouse. There’s also at least one for the non-straight spouse exclusively and another for only the straight spouses as they’re being impacted and beyond. I learned there’s actually a thing called “mixed orientation marriages”.

There are a lot of us out there. And it’s incredibly difficult, especially if you care for and love and respect your wife.

As they say It Gets Better.

CY

 

Hey, congrats for coming up with the courage to tell your wife! Hope you and she will be able to move to whatever the next steps are without too much pain. I’m a living example that it won’t get better if you don’t deal with it. You and she are young and deserve to live happily and authentically, whatever that ends up being for you. Good luck. CY

 

Thank you....still struggling with how exactly to deal /handle it