So, somewhat of an update from my old post. I went on a date with this wonderful girl who melts my heart. We were at a bar and a few drinks later she asked to kiss me and I said yes. It was my first kiss and it was awkward and I didn’t tell her she was my first kiss. She kissed me several times throughout the night, but they all felt off. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed them! Totally can’t wait to kiss her again. But I feel like I’m not doing it correctly. What were you guys first kisses like? Does it get easier, and what should I do? Sucking at kissing can really be a turn off for some people.
Oh gosh I really can't remember it's been so long ago. My voluntary kissing began during my early teen years approximately 60 years ago and included both boys and girls. It also ended then for another couple decades as I found it rather uncomfortable. I picked the habit up again in my mid to late 30's limiting it to women only. Still found it rather uncomfortable. Met my SO in 93 and for the first time found kissing to be rather nice and fun. Due to my absence of a sex drive this was short lived though.
it was actually last saturday with my boyfriend! we're currently in a long distance relationship that's been going on for almost a year and met for the first time in person last august. it's funny because when we first met, we were too shy to kiss and instantly regretted not doing it as soon as i traveled back home. this time when i traveled up to the bay area again, it was a little bittersweet considering i'm moving to japan again and it'll be harder for me to visit. we walked around the piers, ate lunch, shared ice cream, then we went back to my boyfriend's home where we kissed. it was emotional because i was crying, and it made me wish i could stay longer. and don't worry about the poor kissing skills!! it definitely does get better with time, and i think it's important not to think about it too much. if anything, extra touches that reflect the mood can make it a little more enjoyable. i also think it's important to let her know that all of it's new to you, so you guys are on the same page together. i wish you luck!!!
Hey, first of all, congratulations, I am glad your date went well and you got to experience your first few kisses. My first make-out session was actually really good, I expected it to be bad/awkward but it wasn't at all which was strange in itself. Since then though, I have had plenty of really good kisses and plenty of really bad ones too. It depends on what you feel went wrong, but sometimes it's just a question of Chemistry. I can think of plenty of people who I know gauge me as a really good kisser because we have really good kissing chemistry (which is fully independant to actual romantic chemistry) and other who probably think I am a pretty poor kisser (and vice versa) because our chemistry was off, regardless of how much we were attracted to each other. I remember this one girl, I was SO into her and she made out with me and it just was "off", I was still super attracted to her but everytime we kissed for some reason our attraction didn't translate into proper kissing chemistry and the kisses were awkward, neither of us were inexperienced and I am sure both of us had had very good make out sessions with other people before getting together but for some reason something was off. Can it get better with time? yes and no, again it depends if it's that the person is really bad or just that your rythms and the chemistry is off. I am an adaptive kisser, I adapt to the kissing style the person impose on me, people often do to you what they hope you do to them, so reproducing what they do (with a hint of personal touch) and adapting to their rythm instead of also imposing yours help a lot. Sometimes it's still a bad kiss because I really don't like their style but if the rythm is in sync, it's much better than when it's not. Also while it is easy to think that because you have never kissed before you are the bad one, it's important to acknowledge that actually she might be the one who isn't that great of a kisser. Plenty of people who especially have been used to kissing one specific person have tendencies to pick up "bad habits" or reproduce what they are used to, instead of adapting to the person they are with, which almost always lead to bad kisses. It's the case of "biters" who over do it. What leads to the worst kisses is overthinking the kiss though, so just lean back, relax, and enjoy. If it feels off, add a twist to it, think about what's missing and try to change it.
I’m so happy for you that you had this experience! My first kiss was super awkward! I am a really late bloomer - it didn’t happen until my freshman year at college when I was 18. The guy I made out with was really interested in me and just as inexperienced as I was. It’s not that he was a “bad kisser” but it kind of confirmed for me that I really didn’t have any feelings for him. Then our next and final kiss was worse - I had just told him I didn’t wanna be his girlfriend and he wanted me to kiss him again “just to make sure” and basically forced me to. It was really uncomfortable. I’ve kissed a few more people since and every time I’ve been worried I’m not good and that the person can tell I’m less experienced (I’m really insecure about physical affection, romantic and sexual stuff). But they all seemed to think I was good haha. That helped me to relax and just go with the flow. As people have stated, the worst thing you can do is think too hard and tense up. Just let things happen, it’ll feel more natural. That’s definitely how it’s been for me anyway
I just want you to know it's natural to be awkward. Even when I've kissed people before, there are times when I've been "out of practice" and fucked it up! For example, my first kiss in my last relationship, I totally missed her lips... but it was okay because we both were able to laugh about it and we knew what was going on! I feel like the best thing you can do in that situation is be honest (hey, maybe best case scenario she offers to teach you lol)
After school, was 15 and smoking (not my proudest moment) with a bi friend i had in an ally behind the school, i can't remember what we were talking about but he just out of the blue asked me "you wanna make out?", we did and then never talked about it again. I think he took offence because I broke it off, I didn't find him attractive and he had a crush on me and I kinda just used the opportunity to experiment - something i kinda regret because i didn't take his feelings into account.
Kissing, like a lot of other things, is an acquired skill and you WILL get better at it. A big factor is also your comfort level with the other person and your stress level. My first kiss sucked. It was with a girl I dated back when I was 14 and trying to force myself to be straight or convince myself I’m not “really” gay. A very awkward moment that was a bit of a blow to my self esteem at the time because I wasn’t good at it and it didn’t “feel right”. I did get better at it, but it always felt “off” and eventually we broke up.
