Hi! Just joined, I’m a 49 year old woman married to a man for over 20 years but I’m bisexual. I was a real tom-boy growing up, loved it when people thought I was a lad, always loved playing with boys toys (much to my mum’s dismay) and my childhood best friend was my soulmate (she’s gay but we haven’t seen each other for years) but eventually I felt I had to grow up due to peer pressure, etc. and hence ended up dating men and getting hitched but never had any kids. No-one knows about my true sexuality, even though I think a few people suspected a few years ago but I never came out and admitted it to anyone. My hubby and I split for 3 years several years ago due to various external pressures. I almost had a couple of relationships with women but sadly, one was just leading me on (I was desperately in love with her) but it never got past a passionate kiss despite the fact we would always hold hands and cuddle each other; and I never plucked up the courage to take the second one past flirting. Eventually I ended up back with hubby (long story) but I obviously still have all the same old feelings and urges. He has no idea about my sexuality, I really do love him but I can’t get how I feel out of my head, sometimes I feel it’s driving me insane and I just need to talk to people who understand where I’m coming from and can appreciate my dilemma hence I joined here to chat with like-minded people. Ciao for now!
Welcome Phoenix70! I’m glad you are here. I think you will find this Later in Life section to be helpful. I have.
Thanks DecentOne I certainly hope so, it will just be nice to be “myself” if you know what I mean, like I was when I lived on my own when I split from my husband. In some respects I feel like I’ve reneged on the promise that I made to myself that I would always be strong and independent by going back to him but it’s a long story as to how that came about.
Howdy, Phoenix! This forum is a great place to be to start to figure these things out. One of the great things about this place is that it is free of judgement. Look forward to hearing more from you.
Welcome Phoenix I hear how lonely you have felt being bisexual in a heterosexual marriage. Yes, as Lostjedi says, this is a non-judgemental space to bring your feelings and emotions. Hopefully you can begin tto find comfort from learning about others' journeys and maybe finding that you are not alone? Take care.
Thanks Peterpangirl, just talking to you guys is a relief knowing that you know about the situation. I really do love my hubby but I’m not ‘in love’ with him if you know what I mean and the last thing in the world I ever want to do is hurt him but I miss the person I was when we split because I finally felt free to be me (even though I never came out to anyone that knows me and admitted that I am bi). I felt strong and in control of my life, unfortunately a lot of things have happened to get me back to where I am today and that strength I had has been pretty much shattered due to everything that’s happened, including me being ill and suffering a major blow to my self-confidence due to how I look now. I guess I just don’t love myself anymore, I don’t like to see my reflection in the mirror these days. I know I just need to accept what’s happened and pick myself up but I feel like I have fallen such a long, long way off the path that I was on that I shall never find my way back again if that makes any sense? But thank you for reaching out, I really appreciate it
Welcome to EC, @Phoenix70. It sounds like you’re at a bit of a low point. I’m sorry to hear that and hope you find the support you are looking for on EC. Perhaps you could spend sometime thinking about what you want your life to look like, then think about which aspects are the most important, pick one or two and think about how you can get to where you want to be. Break it down into small steps!
Hey Phoenix! I love the non-judgment of this community. I too am married to a man for 18 years now, and have no way out. I do love him, but I am not in-love with him as well. He does know I am bisexual, but because we live in an isolated community of almost 3000, it is hard to find another woman. Plus, I am an aboriginal so I am basically related to almost everyone and it makes it harder. I understand having to live with low self confidence. I too could not look at my own reflection. Thanks to therapy, I can now smile. Keep your chin up and never stop looking at your true self. You may not like what you see at the moment, but keep looking into your own eyes and give yourself a pep talk. It does help, it is very difficult at first. It is ok to be knocked down once in a while, but remember to work on yourself and get back on your feet. You matter.
