I go to school in an office building and this guy attends another school there. About four months ago he spotted me as I was outside smoking and basically encroached upon my space, saying nothing and proceeded to light up as well, this is how we met. From the start I was attracted by him and from this gesture by him which felt sort of like a power move, I had a hope he felt the same. Time went on and we saw each other every now and then but never stopped to say much but hello. About three weeks ago we ran into each other and stopped to talk. I ended up offering to help him with his school work since English is not his first language. He asked me for my number and a day or so later I helped him out with his assignment over text like I said I would. I was - I feel - very obvious in my interest. I used plenty of emojis and made plenty of flirtatious remarks, and he responded in turn by also using many emojis. So at this point I asked him if he would like to come to my place for beers, following this with a heart-eyes emoji, lol. To my surprise and excitement he agreed. So came the day and he calls me and tells me he will be late because of his girlfriend....A rush of disappointment hits me. But we made plans, and I trust my intuition, so I figured I would go out on my own terms and shoot my shot when he came over nonetheless. He arrives and immediately I can tell he is nervous. His hands are fidgeting, he is not acting the way he did at school. But we carry on and things even out. Soon he begins to ask me about girls and what I think of them, but in a very unnatural fashion. He is trying to determine my sexuality. I tell him "I have liked girls but they're not my thing", he reacts with what seems to me like fake surprise. He knows I am into guys but still has to determine it for himself...for some reason. I must say that his talking about lots of girls seemed forced to me since he also attempted to display some kind of "hyper loyalty" to his girlfriend throughout our conversations. Bringing her up in inopportune times and then going on about other chicks, it just seemed forced. So we continue to drink. Now we're watching a movie where the couple is having sex. He turns to me and asks "why I like men when I could have that"...It sounds like a rude thing to say and it is, but in the context it didn't seem so. So I ask if he's ever been with a guy and he says "No"...I wait for the "I'm not gay" line but it never comes. The word gay was never even said in our entire time together. So I sit there next to him, I find myself becoming very sexually aroused. I feel like I could jump on him. At this point I just want my answer so I can move on. I turn to him and I say maybe we shouldn't see eachother again because we are looking for different things. To this he shakes his head. I by now feel like I can't be anymore obvious so I moved in for a kiss. He pushes me off and leaves almost immediately. As he takes his things he tells me not worry... Now for the past 2 weeks, whenever we see each other which has now become a frequent event, he ignores me. Puts his head down. I sent him an apology the night of our meeting to which he didn't respond, and two days ago he blocked me on WhatsApp. I hadn't made any contact to him since then...just seems weird. I just want to know why he dislikes me now. Is it because I made a move knowing he had a girlfriend? Is he homophobic? Is he closeted? Intuitively I felt that there was some attraction there...his hand "accidentally" brushed my crotch while it was hard, he felt the need to ask me what the name for bisexuality was, lots of closeted-esque crap. I get that he has a girlfriend but why must he give me the cold shoulder and treat me like I'm not even there...
(don't hurt me this is just my opinion) Just like you sent him signals, he sent you some too. And I def don't think he's gay. But it feels like you liked him so much you just kind of missed them? The way he talked about his gf and 'hyper-loyalty' are def def signals. Cold Shoulder> Maybe he is homo phobic or feels like you're coming on to him and he's not even gay which you could imagine would be pretty darn uncomfortable.
I agree with the previous poster that nothing he did indicated to me that he could be gay. It seemed to me like he genuinely wanted your help but you being gay (initially potentially as he hadn't asked you and then later confirmed by you) made him uncomfortable and unsure of how to interact with you. The overcompensating by talking a lot about his gf despite weird timings was probably him telling you he was straight and to please not make a move on him. I had a female friend at uni who was like this. She was the most irritating for it. I had a gf at the time and that made her uncomfortable, instead of vocalising that (it would have been fine, I can accept that) she would drop men and her being straight in every single topic. Like, " I like to do that, with men, I mean". So unnecessary. But people overcompensate when they are uncomfortable and worried you will like them. It's unfortunate it ended up that way but like you said you were looking for different things. PS: it's probably best to avoid making a move on people who are coupled up in the future though as not really fair on anyone.
I think it was probably the fact that he had a girlfriend, him blocking you isn't cool. A pet peeve of mine is being ignored so I'm sorry to hear that has happened to you. I don't know how things work but you sound like a really cool guy and just keep looking you'll find someone. I don't think you did anything wrong
You said English is not his first language. Is he a foreign student? If so, it could be he doesn't have much experience with gay people and might have grown up with a culture of homophobia. However, I think you let your crush overtake your logical thinking. Even if he is curious, he will need to deal with a lot before he is really available.
Thanks for the response. You are most definitely right. Maybe I really did fool myself. It's hard to admit it.
Hey @SwaneeRiva , please keep on mind that just kissing someone out of the blue (of either gender) without their permission is unacceptable and, technicall, could be considered sexual assault. I've been kissed, unasked twice by guys and, in the longrun, I was offended by not even being asked. In the moment, both times, I was just completely shocked. I am not a violent person, but the line between my shock keeping me from reacting with violence was VERY thin each time - keeping me from just punching them in the face for their unwarranted audacity/assault. But I think the fact that I am a Bi guy and I know how stupid the ueber-macho hetero male culture can be (something I NEVER care to emulate), kept my reactions at a much more low-key level. My, suggestion, however, is that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation again, simply ask the guy if you can kiss him rather than just committing the act. My 2cents.
You and I have different ideas of sexual assault. Why would you enact violence on someone who likes you? I could only imagine doing so if they had repeated the gesture after telling them to stop.
No, dude, I said "technically" - as in a potential legal charge. Personally, I would say that what you did was sexual harassment. Regardless, I think we both agree that you made a physical move on him without his permission. So, why are you actually shocked by his reaction?
Oh, and liking someone versus 'liking' someone (in THAT way) are two different things. And, for a relationship to be real, BOTH individuals have to 'like' each other (in THAT way). IMO.
After all of that, though, I think you could potentially redeem yourself with him, but, as others have said, there is no real reason to believe that he likes you "in THAT way", but if you still just want to be a platonic friend, that still seems possible.
