1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Possibly Bisexual or Gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Valiant, May 23, 2019.

  1. Valiant

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2019
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello guys,

    I have come to terms that I am bisexual since September 2018. Though I didn't really think much of it afterwards. Lately, I have been finding that I am much more attracted to men than I am women, and now I am wondering if I ever had feelings towards Women at all, though I feel this may be part of an anxiety.

    I recently had sex with a man about a few weeks ago. I enjoyed it, and when I found myself horny, I mostly thought of him though he wasn't available because he was busy with work. I started watching gay porn again - enjoying it as well, and lately I find myself desiring a man more than a women. I get hard thinking about men sexually, even when watching porn and gifs and masturbate to men. In the past, I mostly masturbated to women, mainly through images, porn and sometimes fantasies. I can still do that now, but it takes a bit longer and sometimes takes some time to get an erection.

    I would say during my teenage years, it was very easy to get an erection when thinking about Women, I did it a lot. But as time went by, my confidence with women has lessened and if there isn't a realistic scenario where I can seduce the girl, then I don't really get a erection. So fantasizing about models doesn't really do it for me. If there is a realistic scenario, then I get an erection and quite excited actually. I have had dirty talks with Women on ###### and I get very aroused. I have even touched a women's ass, and I got an erection while doing it, and when I was a teenager, this girl I knew slapped my ass a few times - I also got an erection and I enjoyed it. I haven't had sex with a girl though, so sometimes the fantasies feel disjointed. Like, I love a women's ass (I often masturbate to pictures of women's ass), don't mind tits and I am not sure how I feel about vagina.

    I would say I do have some confidence issues with women - I haven't been on a date, had sex or been in a relationship with a women, because I have a hard time trying to talk to them and ask them out. I had a huge crush on this girl during middle school and part of high school - though half the time I was in denial though it was apparent to everyone in the school that I had a crush on her. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same and I was quite down. I even wrote a song about her like before I asked her out. Also asked her out for my prom and she said no, and was quite dejected. I also have Aspergers, so I am terrible at social cues. I do enjoy hugs from girls, it makes me warm and fuzzy sometimes

    What made me come to the realization that I was bisexual, was during my high school years, I would have sex with his male friend of mine, and I found it quite enjoyable and at times I desired it. It never crossed my mind I was bisexual - it wasn't really something I thought about. Those feelings came back last summer, and while I was also masturbating to women during this time - I also was masturbating about him and I realized that I definitely had attraction to both. During my last year of Uni, I was mostly attracted to Women, and I enjoyed flirting with them and often asked some of them to spend time 1 on 1. There was also this guy I was attracted, same one I had sex with April, and I was still attracted to Women at this time -it's just I never focused on the attraction so much and just let it happen. Like, I believe I had this crush on a girl in one of my classes last semester, I was trying to touch her and flirt with her, and I had this intense fantasy where I started to breath heavily. Now, I am worried I might be gay and I was never attracted to women despite evidence to the contrary and it feels like I am trying to force the attraction.

    I dunno, I only accepted I was bisexual a few months ago and now it feels like my sexuality is being fluid, like the so called "bi cycle". Does it seem like I am gay? Sometimes I feel like male-women kissing is really hot, and other days plain, while gay and lesbian kissing is really hot and beautiful. Right now, I wouldn't mind having sex with a man, but I am not sure if I am gay. Not straight though.
     
  2. smurf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    638
    Location:
    Florida
    Agh, that cycle of trying to pin point your sexuality is so fucking painful. I feel you, but props for taking time to try and figure it out.

    I think its important to say that "not straight" its a valid label and identity for now. You can most definitely stay with "not straight" as long as you want and while you continue to explore yourself. Its a beautiful label full of possibility and acceptance on being somewhat okay with the ambiguity of life.

    But I know that its so much more comforting to be able to just say "I'm definitely this". Its hard with sexuality though because there are just so many variables. You could literally spend the next 25 years trying to completely understand your sexuality, but does that sound like fun?

    My advice is to lean into the "not straight" label for a bit and allow yourself to simply enjoy your sexuality. Try to enjoy being super into guys without thinking "But what does this mean?" just be into them. And if it switches, then lean into that.

    Living your sexuality is a lot of the times easier than thinking about it nonstop. At least it was for me.
     
    Lek, amiready and Leah061 like this.
  3. Valiant

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2019
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You know that isn't a bad idea. Before I was thinking about it, I was just like "Ight, liking women now. Maybe one guy" and just rolled with it.