Hi all. .. So here I am trying to pin down exactly where I am on the spectrum. Born female. Obsessive about being a boy when I was a kid. I dressed as a boy and insisted on being called a boys name which I choose for myself, played boys' games and with boys' toys. Totally rejected girl clothing and toys etc. Felt like a clown if parents forced me to wear a dress and still do at times. I still use male persona on line and do this quite naturally. My instinct is to be a boy even at my age. I have grown in to being female along the line and have got accustomed to it, but I'm very much a tomboy and can flow either way tbh. I know a lot of ppl don't like labels, but I want to know what I am!!! Am I describing 'fluid'? When I see trans men....I am drawn. I think "that's me!", though I don't really want to have any surgery and never did. But I would like a more masculine body. I've done weight lifting for years in pursuit of a masculine body. Ideas, thoughts??
Hi @Atomic - I know what you mean about labels - they are inadequate and necessary all at the same time. I don't have a good sense of what "fluid" means, so I hope others will chime in here. I do understand the concept of "spectrum", and i think that when you're not clearly at one end of the other of the spectrum, picking a label is more difficult. Sometimes I say my 'label' is a paragraph, which starts with things I'm not: I'm not totally straight, I'm not totally gay. Then my values start to come up: family, respect, and meaningful connection with other people. Another big value: discovering, honoring, and being who I truly am. It sounds like you're well on your way! Best wishes to you! =Sevn
Thanks Sevn. I'm new to all the subtle difference and nuance of the terminology, too. I'm just on an exploration of who I am. I've just stumbled upon the term "demi girl" and this seems to resonate. I was born female but never felt I was a girl and was embarrassed to be seen as a girl. If I was made to wear a dress, I felt how a binary boy would feel in a dress. Just embarrassed and out of place. Yet I don't think I ever wanted a p****, and I've always fancied boys. I am still at odds with having hips and curves though I've learnt to be a person who has them...and I wear boy clothes to try and straighten my lines out a bit. I've never forced this, it's always been in my mental make up. Note I've started looking for names and definition of it all, I know this is called gender identity, but I never called it that. I was just a "boyish girl". Or a "sheboy" and I've been very comfortable with being called either of those, even if others don't feel they're PC terms. I'm still exploring. This exploration all after watching a Louis Theroux documentary a couple of years ago abut kids with gender identity issues in USA and I thought "that was me as a kid! ". Since then, I've been curious about my gender identity and actually rather excited about it.
Not sure which browser you're using, But right below my posts I see "Tools" which has an option for editing a post. But it only works for 5 minutes after the post is first done.
Yup, I've done that too! Written a long brilliant insightful post and then wiped it out with one errant click :-(
Yes! My exploration started when I saw a review of a book titled something like, "Not Entirely Straight", and I thought, "that's me!". That was sometime in 2017, and by January, 2018 I was practically aching to connect with someone, anyone who would understand. That was when I finally discovered Empty Closets. Since then I've seen posts from people who say they feel isolated and alone, and is there anyone else out there with these thoughts? The answer is invariably Yes. There are many. Thanks for reaching out.
If surgery is the only thing keeping you from identifying as a trans guy, then just know that A LOT of trans people never plan to have surgery. Surgery is not a requirement to be trans. Trying to find a community its definitely hard, but keep at it. I think everyone should take time to think about who they are and who they want to be.
Thank you. I agree, self-exploration is a wonderful thing...as long as it doesn't tie you up in knots. I'm pretty comfortable in my skin, I just realise I'm "different". I'm ok with that. I think I'm going to start dressing a little differently in certain areas of my life (socially...not work). I'm going to try some androgynous dress style. I lean that eat anyway but I like the more structured androgynous wear like Androgynous Fox and Thomas Thomas.
