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Are labels blocking any chance of a happy, normal life?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by MsAnchor, May 22, 2019.

  1. MsAnchor

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    I ve discovered my sexual preference quite late and took a looooong time in coming in terms (five years) with it in terms of who I am, what i should be, who should I be with, who I want to be with, coming to terms with that while still being attached to being a practising muslim and how in my mind it contradicted with my preference.
    All of this concern with useless labels got in the way of my happiness and peace of mind when all I needed was to accept myself and accept whatever came my way that made me genuinely happy without letting go of pieces of my identity,
    I still wander towards that route at times, can you relate and how did you get over it?
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! Sometimes, trying to attach a label to feelings, attractions can narrow the box or indeed prevent you from understanding what is happening. I wouldn't worry about the labels at this point, if ever. It is perfectly fine to explore your feelings and attractions without attaching a name to them just yet. So, when you think about to whom you are attracted to, what makes you want to be with a person, try to follow that 'instinct' as it were. It might make things a bit easier at the moment.

    I imagine that your faith, and what you have learned about and from your faith in terms of living your life, and what is seen as acceptable, has an impact on being able to come to terms with your sexual orientation and feelings. I am sure as you know however that as it is the case with other faiths as well, the underlying message has always been about understanding and loving others and that there isn't a contradiction in being yourself and also following your faith, believing in a higher power.

    I wonder, in which part of the world do you live? Do you know (by chance) other LGBTQ+ persons and/or do you know others, who have come to terms with their faith and their sexual orientation? Listening to them and understanding what they did to reconcile both, might help you in moving forward.
     
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  3. SevnButton

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    Hi @MsAnchor -
    I think you're exactly right, labels can be narrowing. I think all too often we get it backward: we pick a label then try to conform to the label, when what we should really do is make our choices and let the label follow.

    But I suspect with you there's something else going on, like accidentally slipping back into old habits.
     
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  4. MsAnchor

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    This is what kept me going and eventually after years of searching and therapy and self exploration somewhat have come to terms with who I am and my faith, I met my other half; who also has faith but of different religion (I'm muslim and she's christian) and her having similar background made our relationship easier. To be able to relate is a deeper kind of understanding I needed with my own shaky grounds.
    I'm middle eastern but my partner is an expat, i do have LGBT friends from the same country but they re battling their own demons and yet to have found their feet, being at terms with you you are here without serious rebelling is rare.
     
  5. MsAnchor

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    Old habits have a sneaky way of creeping on to you when you're in a low place, I ve always had an aversion to labels but they seem to pop up everywhere
     
  6. smha2041

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    Hi MsAnchor,

    I am also a practicing Muslim and Gay, Yay! It's been a struggle for me to reconcile my faith and my sexuality. While I knew early one that I was different, and that I was attracted to males. I recently (~2 years) started dating and exploring my sexuality. I am currently going through the process of coming out to my siblings and my mother.

    As for my faith, It's been a mixed bag of peaceful moments and turbulent ones. I understand that in Islam there are many statements and opinions made about homosexuality. I am not trying to answer or debate them, what I am doing is being authentic to who I am. There are main obligations for being a Muslim; and I practice those to the best of my abilities. I sometimes wonder what does God thinks of me, or if all my deeds and prayers will be accepted. While those thoughts may never get me anywhere, I use therapy to help me filter out all the noise and societal shame. I focus on having inner peace and use that as a guide to who I want to be. So for now, I pray, I reflect, and I readjust as necessary. As long as I keep my inner peace, I'll be able to live my life authentically and be happy. Wishing you best of luck!