So, as I've mentioned in the past, I have really conservative parents. They're very religious. I've known that I wasn't straight for about eight years. As far as my gender, I've kinda always had a feeling that I wasn't quite a girl or a boy. But I didn't come out as enby until around the same time as I came out as pan about a year ago. It was really tough to keep that sort of thing in, as I'm sure you guys can understand. But I didn't want to tell my parents because I knew how they'd react-- they'd curse me to fire and brimstone. Ya know, the whole Christian jazz. So, I planned to not say anything until I graduated from school. But... that wasn't what fate had in store for me... My mom found and read my journal. She stumbled across mentionings of girls and guys I had crushes on through the past year. She also came across the entries when I came out as pan and enby. So, naturally, she confronted me... I panicked. And confessed to everything that I've known for so long. Thankfully, she was upset but didn't lash out too much. My father on the other hand... When I told him, he shouted, "You're going to hell! You're going straight down to hell! How could you do this to your parents? To yourself? You should be ashamed of yourself." All I could hear was anger, disappointment and contempt in his voice. And it broke my heart... I've always been the golden child to them. So, to completely and utterly disappoint them in this way (although there's no way that I can control it and that they're in the wrong here) hurts almost beyond what I can handle... I know that I'm a disappointment. And just knowing that makes me feel so incredibly small. I've gotten over most of the shock at this point. But I'm still shaken in a way that I don't know if I'll ever bounce completely back from. Anyway, rant over. I just really needed to get that off of my chest. Thanks, everyone.
So sorry to hear this Jude B, I really wish the people we love (and we want to please) would take a deep breath and calm down, rather than saying things they will regret later. My hope is your father calms down and reminds himself (and you) that you are loved. At some point one or both your parents might be encouraged to go to PFLAG meetings. Do you have a friend you can visit while you bounce back from the shock? Hang in there!
Thanks for the encouragement, DecentOne. Unfortunately, I think I’m mostly stuck at my parents’ house for the summer. Although, I will be taking breaks from them by going to visit other family and whatnot. So, I think I’ll live. It’s just a matter of taking one step after the other.
I am sorry to read that your coming out has gone the way it has. It is unfortunate that your parents reacted in the way they did. Perhaps one sign that your mom might be able to come around (sooner than your dad), is that while she was upset, she didn't react further as your dad did. Even though your parents reacted in the way they did, know that you are not a disappointment, not at all. They might be disappointed, and while it is directed towards you, the disappointment is within themselves; in other words, what they thought the future is going to look like. They have to learn, understand and accept that whatever they had 'planned' or thought of what the future is going to look like, might not be in the way that they have imagined it to be. When the right time comes, try asking your parents to watch the documentary, For The Bible Tells Me So. It might be a start to get them to think about things differently though it might take some time. With time, you will move past the shock; if at all possible, it might be good to spend more time with friends or people who support you and accept you. This can help you to leave the experience further behind and perhaps start working on the next steps.
Thanks for the advice, Mirko. Actually, I might be going to Virginia in August to visit other family. And I have other friends and family close by that I can visit. I know I’ll be okay. It’ll just take some time to emotionally heal from what they said. Even though I know that most of what they say and believe aren’t true, it still hurts to hear it from my parents.
Visiting other family members and friends could certainly help in gaining some further distance from everything and hopefully allow for some of the healing to take place. I hope you'll have a chance to also enjoy yourself. (*hug*)
