My biggest coming out as Bi was to my wife last summer. This afternoon my sister and I had a really good text exchange going on. I did it. I had the message all written and was on the fence as to whether I would click Send. I realized it was my choice. I had to choose between authenticity and continuing the charade. I clicked Send. I waited and waited. It took my sister a long time to respond and I was freaking out. She finally responded and she was wonderfully supportive. I cried. I don't think I ever would have I don't think I ever would have done this without Empty Closets. Thank you!
@SevnButton If I anything I did or said helped, I'm happy that I was able to. One of my brothers was over for dinner tonight and I came out as I was driving him home. His reaction was pretty low key - kind of like it wasn't a big surprise. For me, at least, each one is easier than the last. Again, very happy for you, because you have someone close to you as a sounding board and a support. That it is family makes it even more wonderful.
Congratulations! It is fantastic that you decided to come out to your sister and that her response was so wonderful! Placing your fears aside and taking the plunge as it were is something to look back on and tap yourself on the shoulder.
My guess is, in the future when you look back at "freaking out" you will say to yourself, ~"what was the BFD about" Lol, with time, my "freaking out" has turned to disbelief (I've said to myself, really, what was the BFD about?) to anger, ~"you fuckers how could you do this to me", to its time for me to step up to the plate and proactively champion LGBT rights. Oh ya and start dating! For me, there is now way I'd be where I am today without ECs.
Sevn I am curious how you explained your relationship with your wife when coming out to family? Congrats on this step. I still haven't been able to do this even to gay siblings.
Thank you all for the support and encouragement! Today I'm in the morning-after, so-what? zone. My day-to-day life doesn’t seem to have changed at all. Especially to those of you who have already gone through this, what does this mean?
It means that being gay is only part of who you are. The rest of you is the same except for your sexual orientation. As time goes on it just becomes the normal rhythm of your life as a bisexual.
My sister and I have leaned on each other for support for a long, long time. Yesterday I was texting with her about some of the challenges in my marriage when I realized that out of fairness to my wife I needed to give my sister the whole picture. Next message I sent: "May I tell you something really huge? It's very personal, and I've told fewer people than I can count on 1 hand". After a reassuring response, my message was that I had thought intensely about it, then last summer I told my wife I'm bisexual, that monogamy is an important value for me, and that I'm devoted to her. Clicked 'Send'.
That's so amazing to me! You are so lucky to have that sort of a relationship with a family member! I've never experienced that. With that sort of relationship, it does really seem like there is a lot of value in coming out even if the day after it doesn't feel like such a big deal. Those sorts of relationships need the honesty to be sustainable.
It means that nothing has changed, with the exception that you can broach conversations with your sister that you might have held back on, or have now the ability to chat about things you couldn't or wouldn't have prior to coming out. It sounds like your relationship with your sister is such that you can tell her most if not everything about what's going on in your life. Although coming out to her was a larger thing for you than for her hearing it, it didn't change your relationship with her.
Going out on a limb. Thinking a little more about you @SevnButton and your wife, I'll throw out for discussion. Your wifes reaction is not about you being bi, it's about past pain in her life.
Reflecting a little more about me. Given the accepting climate in today's world (May 2019) towards gay people, the only explanation for my behavior is past pain. Period. It fits that your wife exhibits the same type of reaction, but instantiated with a different set of hurt.
