I'm just understanding that I would rather be with a woman than with a man. I still love men and my husband, sex is great, etc. We still connect and my husband is not open to an open relationship. I just can't stay here anymore and need to leave. My problem is that I am no position to leave atm; financially, emotionally I am not able to do anything. My plan is to wait until our youngest is 2 - which is 1.5 years from now. I need time to recover from this revelation that has rocked me to my core. I'm also very depressed and have to work on it. I've spoken to my husband previously about my sexuality and he once mentioned something about leaving us all behind. I have to be prepared in case he actually decides to just leave us (he's the breadwinner). I just feel really guilty doing this, but I don't know how to say hey babe, I need to leave in 2 years, sorry.
I have to be honest and say yes. While I understand that you are not in a good position to leave at the moment, if you are actively planning to and not trying to work things out somehow then yes, that is deceitful. But in reading your post what (to me) doesn't make sense is that you love your partner, the sex is great and you connect with him, but yet you "just can't stay"... Which makes me wonder if there are other things at play in why you feel the way you do? You state that you are depressed, and from your post you also have a Six month old Child... And that means that there have been Huge changes in your life in the last year, and I know how difficult it is being a new parent... enough so to make anyone question their life at times. (I too am a parent and have been a single parent for most of my children's lives starting when my Daughter was about 8 and my Son was 2, so I definitely can relate to being overwhelmed), All of this being said If you are not getting counseling for depression and all of what you are experiencing I would highly recommend it, as well as giving yourself and your family time to adapt and get out of the toughest part of having a child which you are in right now, and to if you can do so with the with the intent of trying to make things work instead of planning to leave because if it's not meant to be then it won't work, but if you don't try then there's a good possibility that later on down the road you will have some big regrets that might have been avoided. And don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you what to do just offering some friendly advice based on my own experiences. I've been married several times in my life and unfortunately none of them worked out, but I never planned on ending any relationship in advance. I just tried to make things work and give my significant other the chance to grow, until I could no longer do so, and in doing such when it was time for things to end there were no regrets because it simply didn't work out, which at least for me has made it a lot easier to not be haunted by past relationships. But that's just my experience and your experience and situaiton may be different Hugs!
There are many parts of your story that resonates with me. I do believe this is not a process you should handle on your own. I would look for hel
I don’t think it’s honest if you don’t have plans to try to make it work. I completely understand if you need to live your life as you see fit but allow your husband the same privilege. If your only stringing him along until your ready then that’s totally deceitful and unfair to him. In my case I broke things off with my GF as soon as I fully realized I wanted to be with another man. Sometimes I think in an effort to live as we want we forget that other people’s lives are involved as well.
Whilst I completely see the perspective of the posters above, I also appreciate that you and your children can’t survive on nothing. I’ve been where you are - no intention of staying, but no means by which to leave. Now, my partner is emotionally and slightly financially abusive, so everything is in his favour and I’ve now been advised to make plans to leave without him knowing, so I’ve been ordering furniture, etc. and sending it to be stored with family. I guess this is “deceitful”, but you have to do what you have to do. Going back a couple of years, I didn’t see the situation this way, so whilst it did feel deceitful (and I suppose it was), I had no means by which to support my daughter and I wasn’t leaving her to live primarily with her father. We’re not married, for clarity, so I wouldn’t be entitled to any assets. I suppose that I was stringing him along for my own benefit, but I wasn’t working and couldn’t see another way out. However, now that I am taking action I have discovered that there is help and support available, as things are still tricky financially, so it might be worth seeing what support is out there. I wish that I had done some real research earlier as then leaving wouldn’t have felt so impossible. You mentioned being frustrated with your therapist in a previous thread - have you considered finding a new therapist?
I think you are doing the best you can given your whole situation. Your husband can afford to leave you any time, but you cannot afford to leave him. That means you do not have even positions to change the status of your relationship. If you stay with him the next 1.5 years you are doing it because you have to. Meanwhile your husband could leave you any time, if he wanted to. From your post it seems to me that you still need to figure out your sexuality/be comfortable in it. I believe working on this will be very important in your mental health recovery. Being on a site like this is a great first step. If you have the courage and a nearby option, I encourage you to also go to an LGBT support group in your area (of course only if you are able to keep this as private as necessary) or try using Facebook or another site to make a few gay/bi friends you can meet up with for support. Also as soon as you can (now, a year from now, whenever) I would encourage you to look into working online while staying at home. This way you might be able to financially support yourself earlier on than in 1.5 years. When you can support yourself financially and emotionally you are actually able to make the choice of staying with or leaving your husband. I cannot stress enough that you and your husband have different positions right now. He can leave you if he wants to, but you cannot easily make that choice. You are doing what you can (fx going to this site and you have discussed your feelings with your husband). It is okay.
