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I can’t tell how this is going

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by eismeister, May 16, 2019.

  1. eismeister

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    Hi everyone!

    Been taking a break from here but am now back :slight_smile: After a really nasty breakup, I have started dating again. I need some advice because I already have low self-esteem and anxiety and I don’t know if I’m reading this right.

    I met this incredible woman on a dating app. We talked for awhile and then I thought she ghosted me, but it turns out she is in the last parts of qualifying to become a doctor and is in her clinical rotation stage. She texted me out of the blue and we met up the next day. She and I met for drinks and let me just say, I have never doubted less that I am gay.

    It was the best first date I’ve ever had in my entire life. The conversation flowed easily, and it was comfortable. She is beautiful and one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. At the end of the date, I walked her to her car. We spent a long time talking as she leaned against the hood of her car. I could tell she wanted me to kiss her, but I lost my nerve and basically worried about being too forward. I asked if she would want to do this again and she said “absolutely.”

    She texted me 2 times on my way home and then when we were both home we texted some. I said I had a great time. I knew she was going to a different city to study for an upcoming exam the next day. I didn’t hear from her for 2 days and asked if she wanted to go out again this last week. She said yes.

    We were supposed to meet Monday, and then she got held late at the hospital. Then the same thing Tuesday. Both times she FaceTimed me before she was going to bed and we had great, interesting, intellectual conversations. We talked about her communication issues, and she said she didn’t want me to think she wasn’t interested. Last night, her schedule was a bit better so we met up late at around 9:30pm for dinner. It was a little awkward the first couple minutes because I was trying to figure out somewhere to go because things were closing, but then conversation flowed more easily again. She told me about her rough childhood and her family, her body self-esteem issues (don’t know how she has any), and we talked about being gay.

    Then I took her down the the river to show her the view. I tried some flirting. I’m not the best at this, but she joked and said “You’re such a sweet talker.” We walked to her car and kept talking for a couple minutes. Her hair fell in her face and I brushed it back behind her ear. Then she hugged me and asked if I wanted a ride to my car. I told her it was okay because it was just around the corner. She told me to text her when I got home and I said to do the same.

    When I got in the car, I don’t know why, but I suddenly got VERY anxious and sick to my stomach I messed this date up. I got home and texted her I was home. She responded a few minutes later and this was the conversation:

    Her: “Just got home! Thanks again for the good choice! I loved the city! :slight_smile:

    Me: “I’m glad you did! I had a great time with you tonight :slight_smile: let’s do something next week in between your studying!”

    Her: “I’d love that! Let’s at least try! :slight_smile:

    Me: “Of course! If not, we can always FaceTime a couple times like this week :slight_smile:

    Her: “Definitely.”

    Me: *Sends her documentary we were talking about during the date saying what it was*

    Her: “OMG, I’ve probably seen this. I love Vice!”

    Me: “Me too!”
    Me: “Anyway, time for bed, sleep well, night owl.”

    Her: “Yes, I need to! I’m past my curfew tonight! :O”

    Me: “My fault :O! I hope you fall asleep quickly!”

    Her: “Trying lol”

    That’s where I left it as of last night. I can’t tell if she’s into it or not. I just don’t trust what people say at this stage because I have had a lot of people ghost me after seemingly positive interactions. I don’t know if it’s my lack of self-esteem and anxiety that’s clouding my judgement. I’m REALLY worried I messed it up.

    Why do I care so much? Well, I’ve never met someone like her. She is beautiful and smart, but I’m most attracted to her brain. I’ve never met someone like her. I’m so scared I’ll never see her again. She makes me feel so happy but also at the same time like I’ve jumped out of a plane and am hurtling towards earth at 2,000 kmh. I am well aware of the whole lesbian-early-over-commit thing, but I’ve seriously never felt this way about anyone. I’ve never been afraid to mess up. Even in committed relationships. The chemistry I feel when I’m with her is out the roof. Everything feels great when I’m with her and my anxiety returns that I messed up when I’m not. It scares the **** out of me.

    Thoughts?
     
    Meander likes this.
  2. smurf

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    This is so cute and I'm glad you guys are having fun.

    Both. From the sounds of it she is having a fantastic time too.

    You know how you are having just a blast being in her presence? Here is the trick, you need to believe that she is having just as much fun by simply being around you. Its hard to believe that when you have low self esteem and anxiety, which means if you are not talking with a therapist in order to learn how to control those thoughts you really should. Else you will self sabotage like crazy.

    Have you heard of Brene Brown? Some of her work explains why when things go really well we freak out. Like we believe if things go too well then fuck it can all be taken away and thats scary.

    Watch her netflix special or one of her Ted Talks. I think you would like her work.
     
    #2 smurf, May 16, 2019
    Last edited: May 16, 2019
  3. Lin1

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    It seems like she really is into you and I would just enjoy it. Doesn't seem like you fucked up at all to me!
     
    Meander and LostJedi like this.
  4. eismeister

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    Thanks so you don’t think that since I have to reach out myself most of the time it’s one sided? Or is she just busy?
     
  5. Jaimequestions

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    I think she likes you too. She does facetime you on days you were going to meet to see you. I will say since she is on clinical rotations, plans can change at a moments notice, if someone is admitted to the hospital and what not. My dad was a doctor and in his rotations worked over 100 hours a week. They do that to tire you out and force you to think analytically at any time because a case can pop up whenever.