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Am I a lesbian??

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by r4squares, May 7, 2019.

  1. r4squares

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    I need confirmation that I am a lesbian. I know labels are unimportant - I get that - but it is important to me. Please tell me your opinion. Do you think I’m a lesbian?

    I am 32, and years ago I had sex with another woman and it was absolutely mind blowing. She was straight and just wanted to try it and she had no idea what she was doing, but to me it was so incredible because I got to go down on a woman. Since age 15 I've slept with 9 men and it has always felt awkward and boring. I always think, "let's just get this over with." It was like I was doing it for attention, or to make me feel like I was desirable. I've always had low self esteem. Male genitals revolt me and touching a man's chest feels unnatural, like they should bebreasts.

    The only pornography I've ever watched waslesbian sex since I was a teenager, or I justmasturbate to photos of naked women.

    When I was 29 I fell in love with a lesbian. I couldn't believe how natural it felt to flirt with a woman. The chemistry of the butch/femmedynamic was instinctual. (I'm the femme.) I wanted to make love to her and spend therest of my life with her. I wanted to be romantic and experience true love making with a woman. I found out later she had a girlfriend so I didn't pursue anything further. I started dating women and I began to love being the submissive personality and have a woman take the lead.

    I met this girl and we didn't have chemistry - she's also very submissive - but when we kissed at the end of the date I drove home crying, overwhelmed with emotion, saying out loud "I want to kiss women and only women again and again for the rest of my life." It was just a peck on the lips. I remember her lipstick was lingering on my lips and I didn't want it to go away. She had touched my shoulder and electricity just shot through my body. I paid for her and it felt amazing because I was on a REAL DATE with a woman.

    I had feelings for another lesbian, the first one who caught my attention since the lesbian I fell in love with. We met online and only talked on the phone (every night for hours). It didn't work out but she told me she looked at me as a "potential mate." Communicating and connecting deeply and emotionally with her (as well as talking dirty), even though it was just on the phone, felt completely natural. Just hearing a woman's voice with the intent of a relationship felt natural.

    I am in cosmetology school and I notice other female's bodies constantly. There is one woman who I just cannot stop staring at her face and body because she is just so incredibly beautiful. I masturbate over my attractive instructor. I go to this diner regularly because this one waitress is just so gorgeous that I can't help but just stare at her.

    I spend a lot of time thinking about women, and I want a real relationship, long term, and spend my life with a woman. I want to do the daily day to day activities with a woman. I crave to go down on a woman again. I crave sleeping with a woman with her on top.

    But, I constantly wonder if I am actually bisexual? I don't even know why. I've never had feelings for a man, the sex has always been horrible, and I don't want to be with a man sexually or romantically. Male genitals absolutely revolt me. But I can't stop thinking, "what if it's POSSIBLE for me to fall for a man and be sexually attracted??"

    Do you think I'm a lesbian or bisexual?
     
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  2. r4squares

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    It’s like I don’t believe I’m gay!! HELP!!!!
     
  3. MBM4K54

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    As you said, labels are unimportant but if I was to bet money, I'd say you're a lesbian.
    Good luck and best wishes.
     
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  4. regkmc

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    You sound really really lesbian. Go get em!
     
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  5. ready2bout

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    Welcome to the LGBT world. You are definitely gay! Embrace it as it is an awesome ride.
     
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  6. Smidze

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    I think my darling you are most definitely gay. Be happy and find love!!
     
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  7. SoulSearch

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    Hell, yeah! Embrace it.
     
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  8. SevnButton

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    I vote 'yes' -- Lesbian! Good on ya, dear!
     
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  9. Jaimequestions

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    I would lean more to you being lesbian. The porn you watch can be a good indicator of what you are into, especially what you masterbate to. I will say, maybe the guys you were with were just boring. I have a friend that had a lesbian experience and said it was the best sex of her life, but would not pursue it further. In your case you not only enjoyed it, but fantizise about it. I hope this helps
     
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  10. Contented

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    Don’t sweat it , embrace the lesbian in you and enjoy life. It’s too short for such regrets.
    Gay is awesome.
     
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  11. beenthrdonetht

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    Some really nice girl needs you! You better go for it. You can never be sure sure until/unless you meet everyone in the world. Which ain't gonna happen. So full steam ahead!
     
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  12. Nic2552

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    Sexuality can be fluid , but it sounds like your more into women, That being said, there is a lucky lady out there waiting for you, life is to short , explore your lesbianism to find your queen soon to be wife..lol wish you best of luck
     
  13. Hillary B

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    Good luck with your search and like life the important thing is to enjoy it - the *intention* is powerful mystical spiritual.
    I myself am gender fluid going on Trans but that's gender not sexuality but some similarities of situation.
    What I will say is talk to good people / those who really understand. I know, you are asking here: good start. Sometimes those people will reflect back to you the answer you always wanted. The right answer.
     
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  14. Bouldghirl

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    I’m another one of those “not into labels” women. However you say you enjoy lesbian porn, prefer dating women and find the thought of touching a man disgusting. Hmmmmmm I think you might just fall within the lesbian spectrum. In any event enjoy life!
     
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  15. Biblia05

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    My POV, yes very much so. Looking forward to an update
     
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  16. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC, I am going to start this post by saying that nobody can ever truly tell you your sexuality as only you can totally know how you feel. However that being said there is nothing in your post that makes me think you are anything other than a lesbian. I think deep down you know it too, but I think that when we come out a bit later in life it can lead us to almost doubt these thoughts and feelings that we have and so coming to EC is a great way to put those doubts to rest and find some people to chat to.

    Do you think maybe the doubts come from your mind being a little tentative to just go for it? What is your biggest concern?
     
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  17. MsAnchor

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    As gay as a rainbow darling, dont overthink it because maybe thats why its blocking you from making a sustantial moce in that direction.
    Go out there with no labels and find the person who steals your hears and connects with your soul
     
  18. Brandy Bee

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    Lesbian. No doubt about it.
     
  19. xenu

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    You're even gayer than I am, and I think about cock all the time.
     
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  20. Peterpangirl

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    You sound G-A-Y in a big way baby!
     
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