I need help

Okay first, please try to calm down (I know that's way easier said than done but still, please try). You've got a lot of self hate going on and for that, it's good you're reaching out here, that's a good start. Since you're listed that you're in Indiana and you mention killing yourself, please give The Trevor Project a phone call at 1-866-488-7386. As for your feelings for that friend, How would you know she would hate you?

 

like kibou said, you definitely need to calm down. if you havent told your parents, it may be a surprise to them. try to figure or work out if it would be safe for you two to get into a relaitonship first, its important. even if things do not work out, since she is your best friend, i doubt she would hate you. but keep in mind the possibility it wont work out. and if you both genuinely like eachother, and you feel safe enough to enter the relaitonship all bad things considered, id say go for it. but there are a lot of things to take into consideration. my best advice would just be to think. think about it, how it could turn out, what would happen if it ended, how would it effect you and the people around you, ect. just because a relaitonship ends doesnt mean everyone will hate you... that has me kinda lost there. best wishes, though.

(side note, this is not something to end your life over. your life is worth so much more than relaitonships. even if it doesnt work out, you will be ok.)

 

I think you should shoot your shot, even if it might change your friendship. Provided that it is safe for you of course. Sorry, this isn't a very fleshed out thought but there we go.

 

Yes please take a big deep breath and try to relax. It’s all going to be okay. Now as for your friend, if you like her and they likes you, and you are both safe, then I see no reason you shouldn’t try. You won’t know until you try. Your parents may be surprised but as long as you don’t feel like you’d be disowned or anything then you should be safe. It would help if we had more information to go on. <3

 

I dated my best friend for 2 years, and after we broke up we were closer than ever. However, that depended on us being very willing to be open and honest with each other and the luck we had in being mutually agreed about our breakup. There is a lot that can go wrong dating your best friend, and it's worth deciding for yourselves if that's a good option for you. Random people on the internet can't tell you anything about whether your goals both in an out of a relationship align, if you'd give each other what you need, if going out could put you both at risk due to you not being out of the closet, etc. Chill, assess the risks, and talk to her.