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Mother's Day... Mixed feelings

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by taken, May 12, 2019.

  1. taken

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    This is the first Mother's Day that I've had such mixed feelings. I came out to my mom about 4 years ago, and it has been 'ok' since then... She's been as supportive as she can be, but it's mostly just been unspoken. We recently got engaged and when I called to tell my mom, it was a very awkward silence and not a lot of excitement on her end. (Very different than when my brother got engaged to his wife)... Well, I didn't call my brothers b/c I had a lot of stuff going on at the time and I knew they have different opinions about my life and such... My mom very much looks out for my brother's feelings more than she does mine and worries more about offending him than me being happy... That was about 3 months ago, and we have been talking and mostly back to normal (very much parent child relationship- not friendship). I can't help but to have some hard feelings and emotions on Mother's day today. I don't want to have these feelings or to resent her, but today has been tough and full of mixed emotions. I don't know how to get past these feelings, or if it is just going to take more time or what... anyone ever overcome something similar? your parents favoring one sibling over the others? saying they support you, but their tone and actions speak differently?
     
  2. Biblia05

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    There are three kids in my family, I'm the middle child and properly the black sheep of the household. I'm not out to my family however my mother has recently been in my house and knows something is up. Our relationship is very minimal at the moment. This was the first year my older brother didn't make an attempt to wish me happy mothers day and I know from my half older sister who supports me that he had stopped talking to her as well as me. So yes, i have an idea of what that feels like.
     
  3. taken

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    Gosh, the feeling really sucks. I am the youngest and only girl. My oldest brother is also gay and has moved far away. He did not wish me happy birthday this year. My middle brother is straight, married, and starting a family; he actually did wish me happy birthday but just a generic test message. He is the favorite, my grandparents would actively voice this at family functions, it is not just in my head. My mother only looks out for his feelings and was concerned that "he would be so crushed" to find out I was gay b/c he was so crushed to find out my oldest brother was gay... and she didn't want him to have to experience that again when I came out, or she didn't want to have to see how crushed he was because she's the one who told him my other brother is gay... I've gone to therapy about this in the past, and I really think that I need to start going again to work through these new emotions and feelings that have come up with all of this in the past couple months.
     
  4. Biblia05

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    Wow that's intense. I agree with the idea of going back to therapy. I hope it helps. I'll be around if you want to keep chatting.