How and when did you know you were lgbtq?

After the first night I spent with the man that would become my BF. For a few months before we got to know each other and started doing things together. There was no sexual aspect at that time however as time went on I became closer and closer to him. For the first time in my life I started to see a man as a sexual and romantic partner. The sexual tension became apparently and grew In intensity until one night it just exploded. I would have never imagined the absolute pleasure of being with another man. For all intents and purposes I knew that night I had found exactly what I was looking for. I had no doubts whatsoever that I was gay and had been kidding myself for years play acting straight. I was so good at it I even fooled myself. After that first night gay felt so incredibly right to me I knew what I had to do. It took about two more months for me extracate myself from my relationship with my long time GF and start the process of coming out. That was not easy and certainly not without pain, however after the dust cleared it was the best decision of my life.
My BF and I have been together for almost 2 1/2 years and living as a couple for over a year. I love my life now and couldn’t imagine ever returning to my old life. The LGBTQ community is so diverse, so vast, and growing exponentially I am so happy to be a proud member.

 

I started questioning my sexuality when I was in college. I used to visit the gay center and get pamphlets and literature. After college I did what all people in my generation did, got married, had kids, house etc. My wife cheated on me 7 years into our marriage and we divorced. The feelings of being gay resurfaced significantly. I visited a few gay bars and never really put myself out there. Then I finally got the courage up and met a great guy. Once I had sex with a man it was all over. I knew this is what I am and was supposed to be. I remained in the closet then and now and am out only to my sister and a close friend. As I have posted I am finally going on my first date with a man tonight. I couldn't be more excited. I hope this gives me the courage to finally fully come out to everyone and live my life as an openly proud gay man. I can tell you I am proud to be gay and want to experience all that a same sex relationship can provide. My advice is for anyone that feels that they are gay is that they have to experience the thrill and satisfaction of being with a same sex person. It may night be what everyone is looking for but I think that for most it will be what they were always looking for and expecting. Being with men is the best sexual experiences I have ever had, way better than being with a women. I am proud to be a part of the LGBT community and am never looking back!

 

This is a common question here. Here was my answer from February 2015:

To give more detail, I remember the exact moment. I was sitting at the computer, thinking about it, and I said to myself "I'm gay, I'm gay" a few times, knowing then that I wouldn't go back to denial. It was a huge relief when I admitted it to myself. It feels kinda nice when I tell other people I know, but none of it had the level of relief as when I told myself.

 

I had a boyfriend when I was 13 to 16. Never really did anything but it was special. Guys would make me aroused. So, would girls. So, I wasn't gay right?

I was engaged to a high school crush when I met a guy while spending a year working across country. He had a girlfriend but wanted to hookup. He explained being bisexual was a thing. I didn't hookup but knew right away that I was like him. I was distraught and broke off my engagement almost killed myself and then met my wife and couldn't really tell her. So, I hid out straight for 35 years but I never fooled myself...I liked the way it made me feel after awhile.

Came out to her three years ago. Best thing I ever did.

 

I didn't really admit it to myself until around late 2017 I think. A lot of my sexuality and gender was repressed since I was younger until I couldn't really repress how I was anymore, and spent some time understanding myself more and accepting myself. I came out to my mom, and my brother, which was scary but they seem really accepting and don't treat me any different which is nice, and it has improved a tad because I don't feel like I have to hide a part of myself away from them, and I am free to be myself around them, I'm not out to everyone though yet and it still seems a bit scary since I don't know how friends will react, or other family members.

 

I went through a very different upbringing to many as my parents had me very late in their lives. As a result of this i was extremely sheltered from doing normal stuff that kids growing up did including during my teens. Meeting others and socialising with people of my age was not common and talk of girls and relationships was shunned at. I was never taught about intimacy and only knew about sex from witnessing my parents together which they never hid. This had a massive impact on me to the point where i had no physical attraction to women and eventually when i did become friendly with people it seemed to always be guys.
I quickly realised something was not right as i went through my 20s and 30s and still found i had nothing remotely meaningful with a women let alone sex. Mostly the people that took interest in me and with whom i could hold conversation and share interests with tended to be considerably older than myself and soon i realised i had an attraction to older guys. I am now trying to build a relationship with a guy who is a fair bit older than me who has shown genuine affection for me. We are both still battling with the process of living a gay life which perhaps has brought us very close and there is a clear sexual attraction both ways.
I’m still apprehensive but for me its a slow steady process of trying to find happiness even at 43.

 

I felt attracted to the TA (8 years older than me) in my Spanish class when I was 17. We develop a close relationship which I believe to be a simple friendship and choose to ignore all the alarms going on inside. My social and religious background made it clear that I could and would not go forward with it. I went on with life and now at 32, with three kids and a nine year marriage to my best friend. I find myself dealing with the real me once again. I know I'm attracted to women. I will never have another intimate relationship with a men but I don't know how to said that without crushing my best friend and the father of my children while not destroying the life my kids have known. I'm finally clear to myself and some friends/family. Life is still very much an uphill battle. Finding the right therapist is finally helping make sense of things. Deciding not to use medication to deal with my anxiety has shown me I'm stronger than I think to deal with my emotions and to processes it better.
If you are struggling my only recommendation is to find ways to be strong each day, for me going to the gym and working out is my medication to deal with the anxiety. Reading literature that allows me to fantasize about what the life I want could be like gives me a sense hope and happiness.

 

I was adept at explaining away my attraction to men, until one day I was browsing a magazine rack and happened to notice Blueboy, "the national magazine about men." Just reading that tag line sent an electric current through my body. It took me a week to work up the courage to go back and buy the magazine, which I then looked through hurriedly in my car before tossing it in a trash can. Then I put it out of my mind...

Until the next time my wife and I had sex. While we were in the midst of it, without warning, I pictured in my mind the photo spread in the magazine, a muscular man's torso tangled in white bedsheets. I came instantly.

That's when I knew. And when I knew, that meant I couldn't do that to my wife ever again, so coming out was more or less mandatory. (She took it poorly and the divorce dragged for four years.)

After finding my own place, I went out looking for actual sex with an actual man... and found it boring. This surprised me, but I was like, oh well, I know I'm gay, so this is going to be my life, I guess. But then I got a crush on a guy who took me into his bed, and oh lordy. I never looked back.

My advice? However much turmoil coming out may involve, there will come a time when you look back on it as distant history. The magazine I bought that fateful day was the July/August 1977 issue, and here's the cover.

 

it's it's hard for me to pinpoint when and where. I remember lots of things here and there from early on. In the days of my childhood it was pretty exciting to get a magazine like Playboy. Sometimes there would be pictures of men and women together and I was most interested in looking at the men. In college my girlfriend was open to alternative sexuality. I remember talking with her about it. I clearly remember at one point walking across campus and saying out loud, I'm gay! It energized me. After college, still in my twenties, I knew I had to be with a guy while I could. I met a guy at the beach and we stayed in touch. Then he invited me to come spend an evening at his house with some friends, spend the night, then go to a Vineyard Harvest Festival next day. I discovered that sex with him was the same as sex with my girlfriend. The sexual energy, the sexual tension, the satisfaction, everything was the same. At the Harvest Festival I was very comfortable hanging out with a group of gay guys, looking at other guys and making comments, but respectfully of course! So that's it. That's when as an adult it was totally clear to me that I was right in the middle of the straight to gay spectrum.

I just realized this: The middle color of the rainbow is green, and for my whole life I have said green is my favorite color. Here I am, right in the middle!

 

I always knew. I just never wanted to admit it. I came from a devout Christian family and was taught it was wrong and "bad". Then I went to an inner city school where my behavior (although I did not understand why) was mocked. In 10th grade I switched schools and just shut up. I didn't know what I was doing that made me different, so I just stopped talking altogether. I was good looking and fairly muscular and I stopped showing emotion, stopped gesturing the way I had. In my mind, I became a zombi, a store manekin, and nobody knew. I had a girlfriend who was a cheerleader! A girl offered to suck my dick under the bandstands at a football game (I politely refused, saying someone might see). They put me in advanced math with the seniors and even some senior girls were eyeing me. I was in heaven on the high school campus -- and HELL internally! Then I got married and everything snowballed from there!

 

Not about being gay, but about being trans: when a cousin of mine came up to me and asked me "What name do you go by" (mind you, I was not out, even to myself; I was still questioning at that point) and me realizing that I already had a name picked out. I'd given thought before to "What if I was?" but never really got around to admitting it to myself. Got to thinking about it that night and thinking about all the signs that went back as far as when I was five, to when I was telling my parents "I want to be a boy" and always being uncomfortable with any female aspect of me.

Not a lot has changed since then. I've come out to my mom (although I'm about 95% positive my dad knows), my siblings, and a few other people, but I'm in no position to transition at the moment, or even go (or be referred to) by my preferred name/pronouns. It's hell most days. But this is who I am. I know what I am and I'm comfortable knowing I'm a boy. I just wish I could be who I am to the rest of the world.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling your story more than once, in fact if it can help someone I will tell my story endlessly.

For me up until my mid 20's, I thought I was totally straight. Now when I look back at myself before that time I have to smile a little bit because how I got until my mid 20's without noticing I will never know. I think the thing was there were lots of clues but it was like they were in code and until that point nobody had given me the deciphering key. So some of the things were staring me in the face but at the time I didn't know what they meant.
Anyway so I was merrily living my life assuming I was straight until one evening I had a light bulb moment. I was sitting in my room, watching a TV show called 'Sugar Rush' where the main character was question and coming to terms with her sexuality and then, found a girlfriend and as I was watching it I suddenly thought 'OMG I am enjoying this way more than the average straight girl'. This moment lead me into panic and turmoil for a while, I was just stunned that I could get to that point in my life and not had any thought or inkling that I was anything but straight.

I was embarrassed by realising my sexuality at that point and for a while I had no idea what to do with my new knowledge. Eventually one night I found my way to EC and the rest is history. EC helped my realise I wasn't completely alone and helped my figure out who I was and helped me on my journey.

 

I was 40. I had a vivid dream about a woman who I suppose you would call my "catalyst." It felt wonderful and was more about emotional, romantic and spiritual connection (no nudity!). It felt so warm and I felt so connected to her. I developed a severe crush. There was unspoken chemistry of some kind. Several months later I realised it was physical too when I had an involuntary thought of wanting to go down on her. I'd never had such a thought about anyone before. The words "make love" felt comfortable where only "have sex with" had before. It was a kind of epiphany really. I found it impossible to ignore it....roll forward a couple of years and I was in my first relationship with a different woman (the first was an unexpressed love and torture). I felt desire unlike any I have experienced and romantic and passionate love unlike any I'd ever experienced. I am a "femme". I am loving and I accept me. It will always be an ambivalent acceptance because I have children but I am largely at peace with me and I don't dislike who I am. In fact I mostly like me. There is just room for improvement!!!!

 

Yes. And it gets more clear as I continue to tell my story. Posting on this thread, I realized I've always known my truth, even though I've gone through phases when I haven't acknowledged it.

 

The very first time I knew I was in elementary school. I was playing soccer and kept staring at our goalie, Valerie. I remember watching her practice and just stared at her. When I finally caught myself, I realized what I was doing. I admitted it to myself, thinking oh my god, I'm gay, and feeling horrible. I knew it was a "bad thing" because it wasn't what "normal" was, and I was already there black sheep in the family. I pretended to be normal my whole life pretty much, eyeing girls and giving little signs here and there. I came out after I had my son, after I tried "one last time" to be "normal". I'm rebuilding my life based on my authentic self and it's hard. I regret not following who I was when I always knew. But I'm so much happier now and just in a much better place. It's hard to understand everything, even when you have friends that aren't authentic, but you eventually become strong enough to be yourself, or die trying.

 

I must have been around 13, I realised I had a serious crush on another guy in school, and had zero interest in girls. My problem was internalised homophobia, which led to a long time just ignoring sexuality in general and then to a lot of loose gay sex sadly. Now at 42 I am finally in my first real relationship with a man, although I'm still not out completely.

 

I'd always had little inklings, crushing on girls but fantasizing also about boys in my school. Sometime around 15 I discovered the Kinsey scale and that there was a way to describe how I felt. I was terrified and ashamed of being rejected for being anything but straight--the early 2000s were a rough time--and so I kept it under wraps, had a gf in college, yadda yadda. Finally I got tired of fighting myself, realizing that my attraction to men was only getting stronger and that society's attitude was changing. At 26, I came out to a couple people as bi and found EC. Once I gave myself permission to think about guys, and crushed on them constantly, one very cold day it just hit me that that's really all I wanted to do.

So it's not like there was one defining moment but a whole series of events over 10+ years

 

Hi @Amorette ! Thanks for sharing your story. It is normal to be "so much happier now and just in a much better place". You inspire me to keep seeking the same.
Hugs-
=Sevn

 

Yes. How? I'm one of those who has to understand things. I understand my "me" better than ever before. I understand that I am not an anomaly, the anomaly being I just don't like girls and this is why I'm not married to a girl. No thats not it at all. I'm a gay man and didn't know it and I don't want to live with a girl.

Be open and honest with yourself. Make yourself vulnerable - open up to others. .