Hi, I'm 16-years old and planning on coming out to my parents soon. My mother kind of accepts homosexuals, but she has said that bisexuals should only date the opposite gender. I'm quite sure that she will use this as an argument against me, how could I respond if that happens? I find it really hard to articulate these things since I don't have much experience yet. Thank you!
Hello there, Welcome to EC! Well, with all due respect to your mother, but that idea makes no sense. A bisexual person is... bisexual. Not straight. So, it simply doesn't make any sense to essentially say "a bisexual person should act like a straight person". You don't need to explain or justify your sexuality to anyone if you don't want to. However, if you want to answer that question and educate her, that could be positive. It may take a while until she understands it, as bisexuality is less discussed than homosexuality and, thus, many people find it harder to understand what it means to be bisexual. I had a similar issue with my parents, who didn't understand "how can you like both men and women, and not just men or women?". I think you can try explaining it to her in simple terms, like that being bisexual doesn't mean you will necessarily date both genders at the same time. It's like a straight woman who likes both tall and short men. She finds both "types" of men attractive (tall and short), but that doesn't mean she will date a tall man and a short man at the same time. It just means she isn't restricted to date just tall men or short men, as she likes both. Being bisexual means something similar. You may date a man or a woman. It doesn't mean you need to date a man and a woman at the same time. You just like both, you aren't restricted to just one gender. She may not understand this in your first conversation with her. But this could be a good start.
This is a good question. I feel like this may be coming from a common misconception that if a person is bisexual, then they have choice - they could choose to only date men or women as they desired. But this is the wrong way to think about it. A bisexual person may fall in love with a man or a woman, but they don't choose who they love any more than a gay or straight person does. If they love someone of the same sex, telling them they aren't allowed to date that person is just as bad as telling a gay or straight person that they aren't allowed to be with their lover. Telling a bisexual person that they shouldn't date a person of the same sex is kind of like telling a straight person they shouldn't date someone with brown hair. It's a silly and artificial restriction, and love doesn't work that way.
In order to argue against something, you have to know why the person feels what they are saying is correct. However being that this is your mom, you might not want to know the answer. If I had to guess, I would quote my mom's friend who when growing up saw how gay people were treated and thinks being gay leads to a harder life. As such, this MAY be just a concern for that person's wellbeing. That if they are attracted to the opposite sex, why make life harder and date someone of the same sex? My only argument against that would be that I just want to be with someone who is a good person and treats me well. Dating the opposite sex isn't a guarantee of an easy life. Just like dating someone of the same sex isn't a guarantee of a harder life. My girlfriend makes my life easier in many ways.
