Time to stop fooling myself - I am gay.

@amiready

I'm going to blunt (big surprise). Meet a guy, date a guy, kiss a guy, maybe have sex with a guy. See how you feel. You are single. Why not give it a try? Maybe being bisexual I just don't see the big deal in experimenting.

Why would you not do this?

 

Lots of guys try it out. Maybe it is you and maybe it isn't. Are you really sure that you would accept yourself?

Oops... Hit send

I wanted to add that it is one thing to be theoretically gay or bisexual. It is another to be actually gay or bisexual. If you have sex with a man and like it then you no longer have the luxury of saying "maybe".

 

In NYC? I live in a small town and have dated guys for a couple years and no one has figured it out. I'm not hiding and not advertising. But, no one seems to even notice. What would be the fallout if someone "caught" you?

 

I think you should focus on what you want to do and let all this what you are sort itself out. Date guys if you want to, if you wake up next Tuesday and desperately want to date women, do that too (from what you've said I doubt that will happen, but if it does run into it full throttle). I certainly had my share of agonizing but in the end it wasn't about the label it was about what I wanted to do and the people I wanted to do it with. Yes, there was some agonizing--I mean when I came out people still did pretty regularly lose everything over it. But when I think of my early twenties and how it all worked out I don't think of any sense of being secure in my identity--I think about the guys.... I think of kissing guys under stoops, of padding out with some guy in the middle of the night to make omelets, trying to giggle really quietly so as not to wake up his roommate. I think of the guys who surprised me at work with picnic lunches. the guys who held my hand at the movies, and that date that somehow ran three days, him calling off work and me skipping class, because we just couldn't tear ourselves away from each other's bodies--how well into the second day we finally managed to drag ourselves out to the corner for food. I think of all the guys who caught my eye across a crowded room and how my friends and I would razz each other until we worked up the nerve to go get what we wanted. And how those same friends would hold me and bring me ice cream when it didn't all work out. Yeah, the parades and the rallies and all the organizations were cool but in the end it was about the guys... and I didn't even make it up to when I actually met my prince--well over twenty years and I still go to bed every night thinking I can't possibly love someone more than this and then I wake up the next morning and somehow I do.

Worry a little less about who you are and focus on what you want to do, and get out there and start doing it. Make some memories, make a few regrets while you're at it, just get out there and do something...

 

OK Freud here but more blunt. Do you think others would be disappointed or would YOU be disappointed?

 

It seems you are treading the same waters over and over again. Of course only you can say but from everything you’ve posted it’s hard to imagine your anything but gay. Relax, go with it, you live in NYC with a very large popluation of gay men. I am sure you would be able to indulge your same sex attraction with little problem. You long to be with a man, to kiss and embrace him, engage in the sensual erotic pleasures of gay sexuality , what are you waiting for. You need no one’s permission to embrace your homosexuality. Once you open the door to your attraction I will bet that any remaining attraction to women will simply fade away. For me the loss of that attraction and then the loss of the physical ability to be with a woman rather than be upsetting was frankly truly liberating. Being with my BF for the first timewas the most romantic, sensual, passionate experience of my life. Never would have imagined it could be this good. I no longer had any doubts about being gay and did not have the background static of female attraction to hamper my “transition” to an openly gay man. At that point I didn’t care who knew or who had problems with my sexuality, all I knew was that this was truly me finally and I love being a gay man. I wish the same for you but it’s all in your hands.

 

You and I are exactly alike man. I ask myself those same questions about checking out women, have those same thoughts, same analysis of myself. And I even think the same things about disappointing people, even after I've told a couple of family members and close friends and everybody has been so encouraging and understanding about it.

I wish I were in New York; at least we have a meeting of the minds.But you're not alone my friend.

 

I can totally relate to your story. I was in the same situation but finally dipped my toes in the water and starting having sex with men. I knew right away this is what I wanted and who I was. I am gay. I have come out to a few friends and am ready to start telling more people. I am also ready to start dating men. My advise to you is to go for it because it is worth it. Proud to be gay!!!

 

This so much my story as well. Once you experience intimacy with another man it is like nothing you have ever imagined. Like Ready2bout I knew immediately this is was what I had been searching and longing for. Women just didn’t matter anymore as objects of desire. My focus became men finally and totally.

 

Heterosexual privilege?

I get this. I can be a straight guy with a wife and it is SO easy to fit in. When I'm the gay guy it feels a lot harder to find my "zone" of comfort.

Or, you could be bisexual. You really do need to get out there and explore some! Consider it exploration and not a commitment to a sexuality. Because your true sexuality will be apparent when you let it out.

 

Just wanted to chime in and say that I had similar issues when I was in the process of self acceptance.
I look at women’s butts too when out In public, just butts though, and I never get aroused. Butts are just nice to look at.

I can’t even imagine having sex or a relationship with a woman though and those fantasies come so easily with men. It took me a really long time to accept that I’m gay, or at least 90% gay.

You live in NYC, practically nobody will care if you are gay.

You need to stop beating yourself up over this. It’s a much bigger deal to you than it is to anyone else, I promise you that.

Wishing you the best

 

I felt as if this was a thread i posted a week ago lol, i can 100% relate with this, I love woman but i wouldn't sleep with them, whenever i think i could possibly be bisexual, i think of woman as cats, they are so cute and i would love to spend time with them, but let's not go farther than that xD