I normally like to dress pretty feminine and girly. I used to do this to attract men, but I'm not sure I want their attention as much anymore. So I'm wondering, when you came out to yourself did you change the way you dressed or how you presented to the world?
By the time that I came out, I was already dressing pretty masculine. When I came out though, I cut my hair and started to ask more masculine. Coming out also helped my anxiety, so I became more social. It was weird at first, because people always saw me as the quiet one.
People always see me as being really really quiet and I usually am. I'm more of a people observer but now that I'm realizing I'm gay(er) than I thought; I'm even more quiet lol. I'm really asking because I think I want to start dressing more masculine now that I'm realizing these feelings for other women. But I dont want to stick out...sigh, especially since I'm still married.
I relate to this. I’ve been wanted to dress more masculinely as well. It depends on how much you’re comfortable with but I started by wearing simpler clothes and darker colors. I wear a lot of jeans and flannels if I’m trying to look gay on a given day. Also baseball caps! I also cut my hair. Not extremely short, but a little above my shoulders which helped a lot!
You said it: you don't want to stand out. Like you, I'm also a people observer (I'm trans feminine), but within my own milieu (such rare opportunity, *sigh*), my social participation is assured. I watch others (particularly male coworkers in my Fire Department) because I don't know how to be that stereotypical guy. I can fake it, sure, and have become expert what with 40 years experience, but it's simply not me, any more than if I suddenly joined an orchestra tomorrow and didn't know how to play my instrument. I could stay in the back row and hide, play as softly as possible or merely pretend I was actually using the instrument in a lip sync manner, but nevertheless, there is always an upcoming concert and the show will go on.
When I came out to myself, I made small changes that meant a lot to me but made sure not many others would notice since I am only out to like 3 people. I usually just try to do it in subtle ways since I don't want to draw a lot of attention. So mainly just styling my hair a certain way, my body language and the way I talk, and certain clothing, etc. I hope I feel comfortable enough though one day to be completely open about it without fear of how I'd be treated.
I did change how I presented a little. I started wearing more menswear, though I was already pretty masculine before I told anyone else and said to myself that I am, in fact, trans. So it's not something that would be obvious to those around me. My family would probably say I seem happier and less withdrawn. That's likely a consequence of my mental health being on the up now. I think most of my apparent changes really just are a result of my increased comfort with myself. I haven't changed much as a person, I've simply reached a point of acceptance where I can dress and behave how I like without worry.
Aw what a cool question. Since I got out of high school, I naturally just dressed like a casual girl who dresses up in dresses for special occasions. Coming out didn't affect my attire but definitely my confidence. As a more "invisible lesbian" (someone who people typically assume is straight), finally coming out made me have more self-love, self-respect, and self-acceptance where I not only was able seek women (and be committed to a beautiful one) but ultimately live a more fulfilling life. And, in regards to what to wear - just wear clothes that make you feel good. There are women who you will like who think you're hot in "feminine clothes", sweat pants, plaid shirt and ripped jeans, a tuxedo, or whatevs. You got this, girl
I'm a gay guy so probably should keep out this thread, but guys change too!! I became interested in what I looked like, started trying clothes on before purchasing them. I like fitted t shirts etc, released my previous baggy dress sense was awful. What was a thinking? I started running and lifting weights so I'm into physically how I look. Eat a high protein diet to support my weight training. I only want to beef up a bit, not looking to be a muscle man!! I grew a beard for the first time in my life! Use blades to shave and not an electric shaver. More importantly I gained an LGBTQ community, lost old friends but made new ones, I found me and got my confidence back! Joined some groups, now co run through Facebook my own group! Have 37 members. I feel completely different. Jon
I had the fear of sticking out at first as well. I just made some small changes over time and nobody really made a big deal about it. Sometimes my parents would ask me to dress more feminine for some functions, but that was all that was really mentioned about it. I was a bit more shy at first just because change has always been something that is really hard for me.
I thinks it is more of the fact you are becoming the person you were always meant to be and you just could not see it or admit it at first. Becoming comfortable in your own skin and not being afraid how people perceive you. I remember being called feminine in grade school and that caused me to shut myself out even more as I was already a shy kid and as I got older and more mature I just did not care anymore.