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25, feel like I'm 16 when it comes to hook ups and dating?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Joseph312, May 1, 2019.

  1. Joseph312

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    I only came out 1 year ago, and in that time I've been with a lot of guys.. I noticed that I tend to become a bit attached, I tend to obsess over the guys and start to develop feelings. Its great being out, but I feel this is something that I dislike. Is this a fact of coming out or is it just me?
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Not sure if there is any scientific data behind what I am about to say, but there seems to be for many a period of reprised adolescence after fully embracing one’s sexuality and coming out.

    Maybe it has something to do with repressed emotions while in the closet during our initial physical adolescent period. During which time we are not able to emotionally mature properly. Then, once we embrace whom we are and the emotional walls come down, our emotions need to play catch up.

    Maybe this is what your experiencing?
     
  3. Euler

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    I am no expert but I believe that this sort of phenomenon stems from your childhood. Was your relationship to your caregiver secure and balanced? Did you feel loved and cared as a child? How was the relationship between your parents?

    My childhood was very insecure and as a result I tend to get overtly attached to people be they friends or romantic/sexual interests. I can control my behavior so that I don't go overboard but my internal feelings cause me great discomfort and it is something I need to work on with a therapist.

    A recent example. On my stay overseas I made friends with a guy who had apparent sexual interest in me (he started touching my ass and spooning me when we shared a bed) but I refused his advances and kept it strictly friendly. He slept in my arms the rest of the night and since then we shared the bed whenever possible and be intimate in non-sexual ways (like cuddling, hugging and spooning). We never really discussed what was going on so I don't know how he experienced this thing. (He was from the Middle East and was quite anti-gay so I figured I won't open that can of worms.) We don't have much in common with interest or things to talk about. We really bonded over a month or so but I really miss him for some reason and think of him almost every day. This obsessing greatly annoys me. We don't keep in touch too much. Like we exchange photos and videos and some lines on an IM maybe once or twice a week and we both are members of a same IM group so we talk about stuff in that group but not directly to each other.
     
  4. OGS

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    I don't think it's unavoidable but it certainly is very common. I remember when I was first dating it was like I had "marry me" written on my forehead and everyone could see it but me. Tbh it was a little irritating. I was like wow I thought we were going bowling and in this guy's head we're clearly picking out china patterns.

    I think it has to do with being starved for affection, which is pretty common generally but amongst people who are newly out it's pretty much the norm. I think for most it's a phase you grow out of.
     
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