In limbo...

Only you can truly assess your situation but I urge you if you have acknowledged being gay to forego continuing with a sexual relationship with your wife. It will only compound the eventual disasolution of your marriage. I found once I embraced my homosexuality I could not continue in a straight relationship. I wanted out so I could engage in my same sex attraction. Of course it’s hard to see someone you love suffer and be in pain however as a gay man you cannot love her the way she wants you to. If you sacrifice your homosexuality for her happiness I guarantee you will become bitter and resentful. Quickest surgery is sometimes the best. Good luck.

 

I think it’s subconscious. and Some people are more susceptible to that than others. I can tell you my second marriage was a beautiful thing for the most part. She is still my best friend in life. But once we split and I started living an openly gay life. (I came out to her 7 years before we got divorced) I no longer found even her in any way sexually attractive. I am not repulsed by the female form. I can look at breasts and vaginas and not think anything of it. But it doesn’t spark anything in me.

You see the stereotypical Gay character in a movie who is repulsed by the mention of vagina and I think it effects some subconsciously to believe they must do the same. Just my opinion.

 

I agree. It is sort of feeding frenzy sometimes. I went to a gay event and a number of guys were so negative about my bisexuality. How could I find women attractive...so gross! I was so embarrassed and left early. My straight friends never behave that way around gay men. They never would mention finding gay sex repulsive.

That said. There is a lot of societal nastiness involving gay sex and plenty of jokes that are OK regarding sexual acts between men as a way to demean them. So, I get the reaction of my gay friends now. It took me a little bit of time to accept and understand that it was a reaction.

I find your attitude very healthy. Sex is beautiful when love is shared. Even if it is not completely fulfilling Recognizing that it was part of an expression of love that should be treasured and not dismissed as a mistake is lovely. You are so lucky to continue to recognize this.

 

I am sorry you had that unfortunate experience. Some folks just gotta create the drama where ever they are. Me being the cornfed country boy I am probably would if stood up for you. I have been known to get myself into situations defending others because I felt they were being treated poorly. We are all human, we are all unique, and we all have our own path to walk. Wether gay, straight, bi, trans, or whatever identifier a person may use. Who are we to judge their path? And why should we show the same nasty persecution to others that we have faced from folks trying to find out own path and be comfortable in our own skin. It just baffles me. I have a friend who is “platinum gay” and he doesn’t express anything like that towards others. I dunno. Maybe it’s because I been to war that I appreciate loving all fellow humans and treating them with respect. I dunno maybe it’s just me.

Probably why I also play a paladin in every DND campaign I have ever played lol.

 

Thankyou. I really appreciate that you would have taken exception to the behavior that I witnessed. I did go back the next year. In fact, maybe TMI here, but I had an affair with one of the guys that was most vocal. Eventually, these guys accepted my situation. It just took awhile.

 

To me issue was undesirable as a sexual and romantic partner not as individuals. As I embraced my gay sexuality I did however start to find the female body gross. Perhaps a reaction to compulsory heterosexuality for so many years however I can honestly say while I can acknowledge a beautiful woman I really can’t stand seeing them semi clad or naked. These days I find it disgusting and so foreign. I know it sounds weird but it is how I feel.

 

You do you brother! Personally I don’t seek out to seek semi clad or naked women. But it’s not repulsive to me either, and that’s me.

My best friend S is straight and we both had loads that laid us over in the same City. He wanted to go to the strip club and didn’t want to go alone. I went along. What’s funny is I kept putting 5$ bills on the stage in front of him and he would put money in front of me and I would slide it back to his pile. Lol. I talked to the girls about make up of all things. And one asked me dating advice. Lol. But you know I’m the kind of dude, even though I may not be interested in what my friends are. I’ll find a way to make it fun for me. I also hit on one of the bouncers. He played interested for a bit but, he didn’t give up the digits. Eh what can ya do. Anywho.

My biggest point is we shouldn’t belittle our Bisexual friends or straight friends for being sexually into women. When they aren’t digging on us for liking men. Just my two cents man.

 

Well. We each have our own experiences. But, I would ask this question. If a straight guy said he had to leave a beach because he was repulsed at the sight of semi clad males, what would you think of him?

I guess maybe I have such a skewed view as a bisexual. But, I recognize the beauty of a male or a female and just cannot be "grossed out".

My point was, really, that as some of us contemplate leaving our spouses because we realize we are gay that we don't use the tool of recreating history. To say that we never desired our spouses as a coping mechanism for moving on. It is quite alright to say "what we had was great but it is not who I am". It is respectful and it shows that we have valued those relationships. I cannot imagine how a spouse would feel if we really believed, and articulated, that they were disgusting.

 

Hi @Out and In -
Of course, the choice is yours. The think I keep thinking of is how I've let things be as they have been, day by day, and now at the age of 60 with a house and 4 kids, I feel a lot more boxed in. It takes courage and clarity, but making changes earlier is much better than delaying. Good luck!

 

I completely relate and agree with this. I too am a very submissive bottom, but it’s hard to find what your looking for when you look like a dominant top. Hahaha! It’s funny how, many guys start to talk to me, and you see the change in their eyes as they realize.