Meeting like minded single men

Hello,

Long term single here and mainly just looking for advice on how best to meet other single like minded gay men.

Have tried a well known outdoor gay group as i am very passionate about the great outdoors but unfortunately i don't feel i belong to the group and find it quite cliquey. I have tried it 3 times now and i just don't think its for me.

Have also tried 'dating' sites and other apps and again find they are a major disappointment and a waste of my time.

I am 36 which i know is not old but surely meeting somebody like minded shouldn't be this heard? I am happily single but it would be nice to finally meet someone of similar or a little older for something long term.

I don't know what else to try to be honest but i just feel i have been very patient for years and fed up of not meeting the guys i would like. I thought by joining an interest group i would clique with the group but just don't seem to get anywhere.

I think the thing is i am just not a group person and whilst i am neither introvert or extrovert i just don't really like big groups of people and its never the same people that come along which makes getting to know one and another very difficult.

I would prefer to meet someone single in real life so not prepared to give anything online ago again as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is just madness.

Please tell me there is still hope lol

Aaron

 

Have you tried bars? or asking friends if they know someone that's single and then setting up a blind date or something along those lines?

You're really young mate, only 36. And I'd definitely give some dating sites another chance though, and be on your profile really clear that you prefer to meet up instead of a online convo.

Hang in there!

 

Hello, Thanks for your reply. I'm giving up for now if not forever on dating.

 

When I lived in the UK, I also participated in an outdoor group. If its the same one, I had a similar experience as you. What I decided to do was play the numbers so to speak. I joined numerous groups around my area. An athletic group, a hobby group, a running group, a dinner group, as well as participated in a few LGBT charities. The more I put myself out there, the more people I met.

Joining one group is not going to be enough if your really interested to meet someone. You need to get yourself out there.

 

Would you join specific gay groups? Generally speaking 99% of the time I am happy single and happy with my own company.

 

I should have been clearer, all the groups I joined were LGBT inclusive groups. For a specific group, Frontrunners was a running club that I particularly enjoyed. It’s a running group with chapters globally.

 

I've given up on the idea of relationships. If I meet someone, I meet someone, but I'm not going out of my way to search for someone who may or may not exist.

Like you, I enjoy my own company, and I have all my weird tastes in music and TV shows and books that nobody has ever heard of, and every time I've been on a date with someone, I've had to explain from scratch how I discovered this band or why I became fascinated with that author, and it becomes tedious, because I end up having the same conversation with a different face.

I mean, its all well and good discovering new things about a person and sharing your own unique interests with them, but it's very rare for me to have a two way conversation where the person knows exactly what I'm talking about and we can practically finish each other's sentences. Some people might think it's boring to meet someone with your exact taste, and like I said, I love meeting new people and learning new things, but it does get a bit exhausting, and sometimes I wish to have a conversation on more familiar ground.

 

I am at the same stage now to be honest. Its rare i find anyone i am interested in and most of the time i find people exhausting.

 

And even when I have met gay men who seemed like-minded, they didn't stay in touch with me. They weren't as interested in me as I was in them, and there's nothing I can do about that. And that in itself is exhausting - you take a chance to let someone know you are interested in them, you build up the courage to ask them out, and you try hard to make a good impression and even let your defences down a bit to invite them into your life so they can know you as you'd like them to. And when they don't reciprocate, then you waste even more time wondering what you did wrong or what is wrong with you that you can't attract the right person. It turns out you were barking up the wrong tree the whole time. Well, fuck being the dog.

 

Just copy what Devil Dave said and you have summarized me in a nutshell. I’m not even trying for a relationship, just a like minded gay friend. I’ve barked up so many trees I’m tired of barking.

 

I’m in the same situation. Could not have stated it better myself. I’m in central Alabama to boot so that’s a whole other series of obstacles and problems. It’s not a very gay friendly place to be. The gay groups or organizations, even the online prospects around here are slim to none, at least none I would fit in with. As far as meeting. Someone online, around here I find that it’s the same people online no matter the time is day you look. Usually with their 10 or more year old photographs. I’ve blocked so many creepy guys I’m surprised there are even any left to see. Lol

 

I live in a gay friendly area, but most of the gay guys around here still confuse the shit out of me. I removed a whole bunch of people from my social media last year because they hadn't contacted me for so long. And they were all gay men. Most of them guys I met when I volunteered at gay pride events. What is the point in having gay friends who I only get to interact with once a year when gay pride comes up? I'm not only gay for one weekend a year, I'm gay 24/7, 365 days a year, and there is more to my life than partying, I face challenges and triumphs every day just like everyone else does. It's very disappointing when fellow gay men don't make the effort to get to know anything about you other than just being another face in the lgbt crowd.

 

I can relate to that very much!

 

Currently I have no gay friends but I would rather have quality ones than ones that only contact you when they want something. One of my friends got married 2 years ago and since then I'm lucky if I see him once a year. We only live 25 miles away and despite me asking if he would like to meet up I have given up initiating contact and down graded him to aquaaintance. Why some gay men have to make life complicated is beyond me.

 

And it sucks when you feel like you have to "downgrade" someone. I don't even want that much from people I consider friends, just someone I can have a drink with from time to time and maybe a bit of online chat now and then and possibly accompany me to local events. And I can't even get that from gay guys I befriended.

They upload pics and videos of themselves hanging out with their other friends, but when its my turn to ask if they want to catch up, I get ignored. That tells me they either changed their mind about me or they were never interested in me in the first place. Why take my number and add me on your social media if you're going to ignore my invitations and shove pictures of yourself having fun with your actual friends in my face? That's a very shit way to treat someone. It gets to the point where I would rather they tell me to my face that they think I'm boring and not the kind of person they want to hang out with, than leave me to assume that's what they think of me.

 

It's a shame it's like that. Maybe both of us just haven't met our people yet. I remain optimistic but not actively looking anymore for new friends.

 

I think one of my problems is I have refused to make friends with guys I don't find attractive, even if I found them very easy to get along with. I have had sex with guys who were originally just friends that I didn't fancy, and it did ruin things. So I think I need to try meeting gay guys purely for friendship and setting boundaries so that it doesn't get to that stage.

 

A local gay group probably is a good start if you have one. I could only be friends with a guy if there was no physical attraction otherwise I would be wanting more. I am planning on going to Lndn pride this year possibly. No one to go with but thought it would get me out of comfort zone at least!

 

I think it is a good idea to go to gay pride festivals on your own. Some people are against going alone, but there are disadvantages to going with people you know. I think if I'm with friends I already know, then I'm more likely to stick with them and less likely to wander off and chat to new people. And the event should be about connecting with other members of the LGBT community, not just sticking with people you know.
It can be annoying if any new people you meet have travelled a long way to get to the festival. Some people find long distances a bit of a nuisance! But then it could be a good thing if you are willing to commute or drive a long way to meet up with new friends.

 

I actually prefer making my own way to events i have never been to because meeting up as group of people i find cliquey as everyone sort of knows each other. If i don't enjoy it can go off and do something else.