Thinking of coming out, need support!

I think that you have taken the hardest steps already in that you have acknowledged that you are gay to yourself and then you said it out loud to your counselor. Sometimes just saying the words for the first time is so much a relief it provides courage for the next steps. Perhaps you could think about a friend or family member whom you think would be most understanding, invite them for a drink or coffee or something and have a chat. It helps if you have the first few sentences already in mind so you are not too anxious at the beginning. Once you start you may find that words come more easily than you expect. You could be prepared for a range of reactions but emphasize that you came to them because you value their friendship/love and wanted to tell someone.

Good luck to you, it is difficult, but you will get through it.

 

First of all welcome to empty closets. I think the 2 hardest steps are acceptance and coming out. As a positive, you have already told someone. It is important to be open and honest when coming out. We are all here for support if you need it

 

Welcome to EC. I would start with the person you feel would take it best. It doesn’t have to be face to face, either - if it makes you feel more comfortable, coming out by letter/text can also work, although I think calm, face to face conversations work best.
Also, keep in mind that you don’t have to come out to everyone all at once - it can be gradual, one by one.
I think once you start doing it, it’ll becoming easier. As someone above me wrote, just saying it out loud is a relief. And who knows, maybe the people closest to you have already figured it out on their own, that happens sometimes. Good luck and take care.

 

Congratulations on coming to terms with your sexual orientation. We are often so long in denial that coming out seems almost impossible. Accepting yourself for who and what you are is the biggest hurdle.

Consider confiding in people your know the best. Their love for you I suspect will overcome whatever objections they may have about homosexuality. Most people these days have friends who are gay. They may not be as shocked as you may fear. Indeed they may respect you for the courage in coming out to them.

Once you begin coming out, the whole process will become easier. As you do so, your confidence will grow. My young friend, you will be so much more happier in the long being true to yourself. A wonderful life is opening up for for. Enjoy it!

 

I urge you to come out if you have embraced the fact your gay. Don’t get caught up in pretending to be straight, it’s a losing proposition. Don’t give into societal compulsory heterosexuality. You will be miserable. Take it from someone who tried for years to take that path, it simply isn’t worth it. Coming out was the single best thing I ever did for myself. Granted it not always easy but it is worth it in the end. Keep moving forward my friend. Living openly as a gay man frees you follow a path towards your own person happiness. Life is too short not to embrace the real you.

 

Welcome. This forum is a very good place to work through these difficult problems and questions. I am very grateful for the warmth and openness that I found here, and I hope that it will help you, too.

I agree with everything written above. The only thing that I would add is to not be overly scripted. Trying to be too prepared will add to the stress and the urge to put it off until it is "perfect". No long preamble. Just think of that one sentence that will introduce what you want to say then speak from the heart.

I came out by accident, and so I had nothing prepared. My lack of preparation was the best thing that could have happened.

I wish you the very best. Please let us know how it goes, or post more questions, if necessary. This is a caring community.

 

Last night I happened to get together with my best friend - not planned, he just needed to come over to pick something up from my place. We had a beer and chatted, getting caught up on this and that.

He was telling me about some certifications he just got for work, and he said, "I'm now a certified this and a certified that."

I said, "That's terrific. And I'm bisexual."

He was a little surprised and I gave him a bit of backstory and said, "It doesn't really change anything about anything. But you're my best friend and I wanted you to know."

We clinked glasses, talked about that a bit more then moved on to other topics. Later he was talking about a new kitten his daughter suddenly picked up and that men he knows have one reaction (who is going to get stuck looking after it) and women have a different reaction (it's so cute). I said, "Speaking on behalf of queers..." and we both laughed.

The more people you come out to, the easier and more natural it becomes. Just looking for a natural segue and making a bit of a joke to put everyone at ease worked well for me. It might not be your schtick and you should find what feels good for you. But not sweating the details is a good way to approach it, I think.

 

Hello Freddy

It sounds like you have identified your mum as the first person you wish to tell. Perhaps tell her when no one else is around. I couldn't face telling my mum face to face. I told her over the phone. This was still difficult.

Perhaps go for a walk with your mum and tell her away from the house? By what you said I don't think it will be an issue.

I told my wife, a few close work friends who kept it quiet, then my mum, I texted my sister, then my mum said she would tell my dad in case my sister mentioned it!

It's not easy but you have to start somewhere. It does get easier moving forward.

I've now left my wife but it ain't easy. However like me you will feel free and liberated!

Perhaps then join some LGBT groups.

I have a new network of LGBT people around me who are my family.

Jon