Hi , I finally admitted to myself im Gay. ive been married 26 years to a man who loves me dearly , but I don't love him in the way I should. I only came out last week , at the age of 47 , ive been living a lie all this time. I now feel alive , but don't no what to do next. I cant see myself leaving him as his my soul mate. but now im at a crossroads and not sure what I want to do .
For me, early on, I initially sought out some trusted friends and family members I could start to talk it out with and get advice from. Coming here is a great first step, but we don’t have the kind of history with you they would so doing both is good. They also helped me find a therapist. I was basically advised early on to start building out a support system. If you have an lgbt friend in your life, all the better. I’m sure other folks here will have more in depth advice. Welcome and good luck!
hey unsure, I wish I could say I have friends that are , but I havnt. I told a best friend that I finally come to terms with who I am, only for this person to tell my husband before I got chance to, so then had to explain to him. I want to explore now , but worried about trusting anybody.
I’m sorry that happened to you with your friend. Are there any meetups or support groups in your area? (Or maybe in a nearby town for privacy?). Also, again, could you possibly find an lgbt affirming therapist? Sorry I don’t have more advice. I’m just now working up the nerve to think about thinking about finally trying to date myself so I’m not super far along in this myself and am in a different situation from yours.
Hi @bravelady coming here is a good first step. I do think you need to start building a support system around you. I am in a very similar situation. 48 years old, married for 20 and I have teenage children. About 3 years ago I accepted what I always knew, I am gay. I had never told anyone that I was questioning my whole life. I was seeing a therapist for another reason at the time I realized I had a thing for my best friend. It’s been up and down emotionally for the last few years. My close friends now all know I’m gay, as well as a few causal. One of the hardest things I did was tell my husband. For now by choice we are staying married, mainly for the convenience of parenting the kids. But also partly because I’m not ready to publicly be out and my extended family and children don’t know. I’m still in therapy and I occasionally turn to friends to talk about how hard this has all been. I am so grateful to have friends that support me. So I guess what I’m saying is your not alone and this is a great place to come to when you need to get your feelings out as usually someone here can relate to what your going through. It is definitely a process and sometimes things don’t happen as quickly as we want them to. But each step you take, each person that you can trust that you tell will build your confidence. For me, I have learned to live one day at a time, not to put timelines on things and I continue to grow as a person everyday. You will have to figure out what is right for you and how you want to proceed. No one else can define that for you, it will be your choice to how fast you want to make changes or if you want to at all. For some it’s enough just to acknowledge that they are gay, for others they need to take action. I guess what I am saying is there is no right answer to how to go about your life. Just take it one day at a time and you will figure out what works best for you.
Ive just talked to hubby been really honest and said i want to be with a women but i sobbed when i said it. I want to at least have one chance being with a women but i feel so guilty. But i cant hold my feelings in anymore . Im so upset . But when i think of being with a women i light up and come alive . Help !!
I just have to say that your "friend" is a worthless Piece of Shit. They outed you to probably the hardest person you'd ever have to talk to about this, before you've had time to organize your thoughts. Clearly you were hoping for an ally to help in this, and I'm sorry that you were betrayed. Not everyone in your life is going to be a PoS. I agree with zumba about building that support network. That is so vital. Each person you add to that will make this much easier. This is a scary time and a stressful time. But it is leading to something wonderful and joyful which is understanding and embracing who you are. You are not feeling horrible because you are a horrible person but because you are treading new ground (getting the occasional PoS on your shoe) and feeling alone. You have friends here and you will find them where you are. Courage! You are terrific and braver and stronger than you know.
Hi @bravelady - The best advice I was given in similar circumstances was not to feel like I needed to rush into anything. Take your time, explore your feelings, if there is anyone you can talk with, talk with them. Post here on empty closets and post frequently. Read other people's posts and offer to them what you can.
