I just cant be alone with these thoughts. I cant stop being so numb. I had hurt alot of people for being so broken. i just cant understand. holy fuck. I wish someone would just speak to me with the answer that i actually need. fuck. i miss her but i know if i actually try to be with her. my body starts to repel and not want the situation. in my head i want to be with her so bad. my feelings are so contradicting to what my body's response. I know romance is so overrated. but i have to stop hurting people. why why why. am i broken or am i just not supposed to be inlove. fuck. I lost interest with so many things. friends, school, family and the things im passionateabout. sigh. i sound so crazy but i gotta write this down.
I personally think you need to take a step back and take some time out. Your message comes across like your confused about your sexuality. Perhaps you need to be out of relationships for a bit and find the real you. Do some activities or sports that make you happy, reconnect with yourself. You are important as a person. We have to love ourselves before we can love anybody else. Since I came out I've found me, it's been incredible. You may benefit from talking to a therapist or counselor, there is no shame, I've been there. Warm regards to you.
I would suggest taking at look at who you are. You mentioned that you have hurt a lot of people. Think about why you have that behavior. I usually get myself into uncomfortable situations because growing up I was never comfortable.
You're not crazy. You sound depressed. Losing interest in things you used to enjoy, feeling worthless, listless, increased need for sleep, pushing people away but actually wanting them near, lashing out at the smallest things, etc. are all signs of depression among many other symptoms. Are you currently in therapy? If not, I would like to advise you to seek therapy. You're not crazy for needing therapy. Even if it turns out to not be depression (but to me, it sounds like it), you will be able to get things off your chest that have been weighing you down, making you feel so worthless. If you feel like talking to your EC family, or specifically with myself, please don't hesitate to reach out to us. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. You ARE worthy! *BIG HUG*
hello thinking you are broken is a wrong concept, being a a square peg in a round hole some times put you in a spiral which can be uncontrollable so i understand where you are but thought i would let you know that you are not alone some times i feel that way and i lock myself away from everyone until my head is in the right place then go back out into the world again. please don`t think you are alone, there are millions who feel this way. best wishes