So, all throughout college, my plan for after graduation has been to live at home, if possible, for at least a year or two. I planned to either do grad school at my university or find a teaching job within driving distance to my house. Except, now I graduate in five weeks and I'm reconsidering. When I met with one of my advisors the other week he mentioned looking at schools closer to the Philly area and after reaching out to someone I know who lives down there he gave me suggestions of schools and...I like what I see. Bigger schools mean a broader selection of classes than what I'm used to where I'm from. I haven't told my parents that I've been seriously looking yet just because I know they're expecting me to stay closer. I'd only be moving 2-2.5 hours away, but it's still much farther than they're anticipating. It's just...I honestly don't know if I can go back to living with my parents full time after living in dorms and apartments the past four years during school. I also know that there is next to no future for me as a gay man in small town PA. Solid example: I'm student teaching at a neighboring school to my alma mater and one many of my family members went to...and I like it...but it's also low-key homophobic without them even intending to be I think and I'm getting more and more uncomfortable. Does anyone have any suggestions for moving? It would be the first time on my own, which is kind of scary, but the more I think about it, the more I feel it might be best for me. I'd also be aiming more for suburbs than the actual city. I have no clue where I would even considering starting from finding a place to live, waiting to see if I actually got a job down there first, etc. I also have like no leads on jobs, but I've been on the lookout.
Yes. Do it. Move elsewhere. No question. I live about 3 hours from my parents and if I had lived with them during college (which I could have, there's a small college near them) I would be such a ridiculously different person than I am now. Yes living on your own is scary at first, but it's totally worth it and you adjust within a few months anyway. After experiencing the total freedom of college and living on my own... I really can't imagine many ways to make myself hate life more than going back to living with my parents long-term after graduation. Especially as far as the gay thing goes, having lived in small midwestern/southern towns for most of my life also... that's just a bad idea. There's not going to be any room for growth and relationship exploration surrounded by family-linked people and the closed-mindedness of small towns while there's probably less than 100 openly gay people in the entire town.
I agree, I think if it’s possible living away from home would be a better option. I completely get that it can be scary, but it sounds like you feel like you’ll have more opportunities if you move away. Maybe you could put out feelers to other people who are graduating soon and potentially find a roommate. If you would want to live with someone else you could have mutual support in figuring out how to make things work living farther from home. And also, if you’re experiencing homophobia where you currently live it seems to me that it would be better to leave, at least for a while, so you can have more of a chance to interact safely with the community if that’s something that’s important to you
This alone would be worth the risk for me. If you can do it, do it. There is no better feeling than living the life you want to live. Absolutely none You are going to be a teacher and you are going to be certified after you graduate, correct? Ask some teachers in the area you want to work on, but I'm sure you won't have too much trouble seeing how most of the country is in serious need of teachers. Mentors are everything. Ask professors, teachers and advisors if they know of any teachers in the area you want to move in. Ask them if they will connect you with people and then meet with them over coffee. Ask them about your worries and start putting feelers out there. They might even know people who need a roommate. I have never lived on my own so no idea how to find a roomate, but I will tell you that asking people who live there for advice is the way to go. I'm sure there are website out there for it too. The good thing about your situation is that you have a safety net. If it all fails, then you simply move back with your parents, get a job and safe up for whatever your next move is. The pros far outweigh the cons.
See, I would love the mutual support thing but I've never had any shred of luck with roommates. I don't want to do roommates again. The country is, yes, and the more South you go the more openings but ideally I don't want to move too far away. That's part of the problem. And getting certified in other states can get sort of tricky and requires extra tests usually. Ideally I want to try and stay in my state...and out of cities. It's all very super preliminary thoughts. I will be applying to districts down there, but also districts up where I am. I want to try and find somewhere that pays well but also gives me more opportunities than just English 9-12, Honors, regular, and AP Lit. And also somewhere where I just feel comfortable. Like, I like my school I'm in now and I like most of the kids, but I don't see a future for me here if they were to offer me a job.
I'd encourage you to at least reconsider the roommate idea. There's a huge difference between roommates you're randomly assigned to, and roommates that you meet and mutually choose each other. Of course, it also depends on how good you are at identifying who you might or might not get along with in a quick meeting. But the advantage when moving to a new place is, assuming there are some common bonds between you and the roommates, you have their friends to meet and get to know, and their circle of people, which can create an opening for you to others. Now... if you've determined you aren't the best at making quick decisions about people that are accurate, then this might not be a good idea. Personally, I've had some absolutely phenomenal roommates over the years, and very, very rarely had ones that I didn't connect with, or were problematic. So it could be a combination of luck and ability to choose people I connect with, but I know many others who have also had positive experiences. And as you're probably aware, there are a lot of nice 'burbs around Philly, so potentially lots of places you'd like. And NYC and the DC area aren't that far away either, so there's the option for weekend trips now and then.
See, my problem is that even when I've made the decision on roommates..it's still ended badly. Examples: Sophomore year I decided to live with my best friend from freshman year. And it was honestly good for awhile. Then some shit went down, he moved out, and we haven't been friends since. Junior year I didn't really know the guys but chose them. They seemed chill, one was even my major but a year younger. And? One turned out to be a drug dealer dealing drugs from our apartment, the other probably said a total of 10 words to me all year, and the last one I'm on good terms with now but we never really talked when we lived together. This year? I chose my roommates but when I chose it was super last minute and I needed people and they're all honestly so weird and I have zero desire to spend time with any of them. I actually love the concept of roommates in an ideal situation. I know people that have loved their roommates and stayed together since freshman year. I've just been dealt a shitty hand in the roommate situation. So I'm not entirely opposed I just...am not optimistic.
One suggestion is to think about the values that are important to you, and make those things clear as you are talking. If not being around drugs and/or alcohol is important, ask up front what the roommates' views are on those issues. If you're a super neatnick (or the opposite, a slob), ask how people are about cleaning up, and whether there's a plan or policy toward common house maintenance. And take some time to talk to and understand the people you're considering. When I've taken on new housemates, we've always arranged for the current housemates to meet with the person under consideration, and just talk for 45 minutes or so. Sometimes it runs longer, and sometimes it's clear sooner that it probably isn't a fit. But when you spend time getting to know the other person (and they you) and you ask each other about common/important values, and especially, how they deal with conflict (and how you do so), you stand a much better chance of having things that work out. Again, not pushing this, just offering it up as a possibility.
So, as a slight update: Three weeks out from graduation...still terrifying. I did talk this morning with my parents about looking at school districts further out from my house. They seemed...iffy. This comes on the tail end of figuring out that the one local school district with an opening has an opening in 7th grade. I've been student teaching in 7th grade, but I don't want to actually teach it. Couple that fact with the fact that I'm not a fan of the district anyways and we have some uneasiness. I'm going to apply, sure, but there is no part of me that has any desire to teach 7th grade at that district whatsoever. But back to my parents, they didn't shut down me looking further out but they were quick to bring up everything that comes with not living at home (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.. My dad left it on the note of, "Let's hope we can find somewhere close." I mean, if I can find a job that pays well, great, but ultimately I'm being mentally drawn away from the area. I stumbled on a charter arts school about an hour and a half away that has two openings that looks very intriguing and I have email notifications on for several school districts close to Philly. I'm not entirely shutting down the idea of roommates, either, just very wary of it. Has anyone needed to make a last minute move before? Even at 1-1.5 hours away, I'd need to make some sort of move since that's too far of a commute so early from my house. I wouldn't want to make any move until I secured a job, so say I got a job in July(?), I'd need to make the move in mid-August at the latest.
The good news is, it is pretty easy to find apartments. studios, and roommate situations in the summer, as most people move then. And given that you don't have to 'give notice' at your parents' house, it gives you flexibility. One thing that concerns me here: This isn't your parents' decision. It is yours; you are an adult. It should not be if "we" can find something close, but if you find a job you like and you decide you want to continue to live at home.It sounds a bit like they are trying to keep you from 'leaving the nest', and that isn't good. They do raise a valid point about all the hidden costs of living by yourself... utils, food, cleaning supplies, the cost of furnishing the place... all that has to be considered. But the value of living on your own is considerable as well.
I felt fairly similar when my dad said that, but I'm pretty sure they've been talking like that out of protectiveness. They did the same thing with my sister. And honestly, I have quite unintentionally for the most part followed my sister's path through college. So now they're expecting me to follow her path with staying at home and finding a school close by. Of course the big difference there is she had a boyfriend she was looking at moving in with and they were looking for houses while she lived at home still. I've got zero lasting connection to this area. I think they're trying to be protective and helpful but it's...suffocating. I mean it's great to have extra eyes and ears from not only them but the rest of my extended family on the lookout for jobs but...I'm just trying to get applications together to start applying for jobs that suit me better. Those points they've raised have honestly been my biggest worry that I've thought of. One of my biggest regrets of going to a school so close to where I live and having super supportive parents is that I've never been put in a situation where I need to live on my own. I've lived in campus housing so no worries about utilities (and my parents paid for it). Cleaning supplies I've just grabbed from my house. Groceries have been a mix of my mom buying them for me and sending some up and me buying the bare minimum. Cost of furnishing will be...oof. I've thought of all of this before they even suggested it.
One thing you can do is make a budget. Start a simple spreadsheet, check around and make educated guesses about util costs, (electric, gas, water/sewer, Internet) phone, rent costs, etc. Same with your salary as a first-year teacher. Build in costs of car payment, insurance, gas, reserve for repairs, registration, or other transportation costs (bus pass), parking (if at apartment, sometimes a separate charge), gas, renters insurance (if required by landlord), cleaning supplies, toilet paper, etc. Then, look at food, meals out, entertainment, Netflix, etc. If you have any student loans or other debt, figure payments on that. The idea is to consider all the recurring monthly costs and see where it falls. This helps figure what you can afford for housing, and dictates whether, for example, you can afford your own place or whether you'll need roommates. And realistically, what salary you can afford to accept. Furniture is a wildcard. Many colleges have enormous yard sales the first week of school where students (or recent grads) can buy furniture dirt cheap. Also, most schools have an insane amount of furniture that students just throw away at the end of the semester because they have nowhere to store it. I know many folks that have furnished their place for free ding this. It isn't fun to look at the costs, but it actually takes some of the stress off because you have a idea of where you are financially and what works or doesn't.
