I'm AFAB and I am dating a cis boy for the first time since I was thirteen. This is the first relationship I've ever felt fully committed to and I think I am in love with him. I'm getting an IUD soon, and I see myself having sex with him if things continue to go well. We've done everything else, but I'm really worried about having penetrative sex for the first time. I don't want to seem like I don't know what I'm doing and I think it's going to hurt. I'm also worried that it's going to trigger my dysphoria. Does anyone have advice?
Ready for the most uncomfortable advice? Talk about all your fears with him before having penetrative sex! Talk to him about your fears, your worries, your insecurities, etc. Ask if he has any! Terrifying, right? but its the only way to take out all the anxiety that you are feeling about the what ifs. It will also allow you guys to connect with each other in a way that is hard to do outside of a committed relationship. It will shift your relationship from "I'm trying to impress this one person and convince them I'm perfect" to "This person is my partner and together we can figure everything out" It shouldn't hurt if you go slow and take your time. Someone with a vagina might be more helpful here tho with tricks on how to avoid it hurting. But talk about what happens if it hurts and talk to him about if he himself has tips for you. Maybe you guys can google it together. For some people it can. A friend only experiences dysphoria if he believes that at any time his cis partner sees him as a woman because of him bottoming. So my friend and his partner use dildos and strop ons on each other. It allows for him to know that just because he is bottoming doesn't mean his cis boyfriend sees him as a woman. Everyone reacts differently and everyone has different ways on how to deal with it. Google tips from other people, talk about those tips with your boyfriend, and also talk about what happens if you do feel dysphoric. Is there a safe word? What can he do if you experience it? Can he hug you? Cuddle you? Give you space?
