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touch issues?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Caliber, Mar 31, 2019.

  1. Caliber

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    Its been a long time since i last posted but here we go, since i was last online I have been put on propranolol and sertraline, going to therapy (but its not working) I'm trying to work through my issues with touch and relationships. I can't deal with touch at all in a sexual sense, the minuet things go beyond kissing my brain shuts down and NOPE NOPE NOPE. Full anxiety and mental shut down, been trying to work through this for a few years now and even with therapy its not helping. Outside of people i know, surprise me and my first reaction is to spin round (if their behind me) and make sure they can't hurt me, i'm managing to keep this under control these days but it would be nice to be able to be touched without it being a bad thing.
     
  2. Chip

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    I can imagine how difficult, uncomfortable, and frustrating that must be for you, especially if you're going to therapy and not getting much benefit from it.

    One question that immediately springs to mind: Do you have any history of physical or sexual trauma or childhood sexual abuse? Usually the sort of issues you describe arise as a conditioned response to traumatic experiences in the past. If so, that's something that is a specialty in terms of therapy, and your therapist may not have adequate training and background to address it.

    If you can be more specific about what is or isn't working in therapy for you (and, to the extent you can, why it's being ineffective, or what sorts of things are being discussed or said that aren't helpful), there might be some suggestions we can offer that would help you solve that problem.
     
  3. Chaosbi

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    I know exactly how you feel :disappointed:. It can be very isolating and frustrating especially when it happens to be someone you care for. I have always had this aversion to being touched and it does make relationships very hard. It has been the reason that almost all of my relationships have ended. They were ready to take it to the next level and I just wasn't ready. I would just be getting used to being touched in a nonsexual way and they were already ready for sex, and I just couldn't do that.

    With my wife it took about 6 months before I even got to the point of holding hands and cuddling. I seriously thought that that relationship was going to end because she didn't seem like the most patient person and she liked having sex. It took another few months for us to even have sex! But she waited and was very patient with me. To be honest, the only thing that I found that helps is just to push through it. I know not the best advise but it was want I had to do. I had to slowly, and she let me dictate the speed of it all, do the touching and allow myself to panic a little and get to the point I just couldn't handle it and then would pull away and recoup. It sucked, and there were a lot of times I just freaked out but I eventually got more comfortable and was able to build a very good and physical relationship with my wife. Sometimes during sex (we've been together for 13 years - so it still hasn't gone away completely) I just can't handle it and have to end it early, but she understands and has gotten used to it, but it doesn't happen nearly as much as it did in the beginning.

    I dunno if it will ever really go away, but with the right person it did get better and hopefully I can get it to not happen during sex at all. I know how hard it is and I do sympathize because I know how hard it can be because I am a very sexual and passionate person, and have always been. Now that I've gotten comfortable with my wife I am a very touchy person but at the same time I do have my moments were she touches me and I freak. I never went to therapy about it, probably should have, but I hope it helps you. Hit me up if you ever need/want to talk about it.
     
  4. Melancholy

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    I second what Chip said.

    Anecdotal... but what Chip said turned out to be true for me. Never been with anyone, but the thought of touch in that context and closeness in general was always something which petrified me (except I was also kind of in denial about that fear, as though I'd convinced myself it would magically go away one day. It doesn't).

    Hope you can work through it.
     
    #4 Melancholy, Apr 2, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 2, 2019
  5. I'mStillStanding

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    I’ve not had a full fear of being touched or being intimate. Though I did have issues with certain things, like intense kissing for one. I went to therapy and discussed my past with sexual abuse some. As I did that it really did make it easier to separate. The biggest issue has always been my shoulders. You know when someone comes up and squeezes them, kinda like to encourage you or just as a hey thing... it’s always bothered me and I’d freak out. It was not until I had a rather extreme reaction. It was a dinner party and we were all laughing my brother came up and up squeezed my shoulder saying something about how competitive I was at a specific board game and before I realized it I was out of my chair with my knife in my hand... It scared us all, and once that happened I realized how much of an impact my past had on me. I told those who were at the party a week or so later and my brother for the first time about the abuse (just as little as I could). I apologized for the incident because it scared everyone, I mean I lost it in a little flash back.

    On one hand certain things were completely off limits, while on the other I kinda wanted that closeness (and still do when I’m extremely stressed). It’s weird.

    I hope you’re able to sort it all out!