I feel like my Uncle is not taking me seriously about my Transgender identity.

Jenniewo · Mar 27, 2019

Hello, I'm a 14 y/o MTF Transgender. I came out to my Uncle (I live with him) about 3-4 months ago, and so far it's been a smooth, but at the same time a rocky road. When I came out to my Uncle he mildly accepted me by saying, "It's a lot to take in", and I can understand why. But months after that when I've been expressing my gender identity more (such as going by a "chosen" female name at school and she/her pronouns), he gets mildly uncomfortable and tells me, "Your legal name is __, you should go by <this and that>". When I also asked him about getting a gender therapist for me three months prior he said, "It's too expensive and you don't have a choice in the matter". I understand that it could put a financial strain on the family, but I'm not completely certain that he is taking me seriously about my Transgender identity, for instance, I feel like he's believing it's a phase or that I'm joking when I'm completely serious. Currently, at this moment I have a therapist through my school's "full service" program which gives me a therapist for free, but they are not a specialized Gender therapist but is still trying to help me work through my feelings, and we're also going to see if I need to go through counseling with a certified Gender therapist, or if I could see a general child therapist to get on hormones. I'm going to try and work through the issues between my Uncle and me via my therapist, but I would like to know if any of you wonderful people have any advice you would like to share and whether or not you went/are going through something similar.

Jennie

MaybeBenji · Mar 27, 2019

I think working with your uncle and therapist is a good idea. It might help him see that this is real and not "just a phase". If that doesn't help, it's not the greatest thing, but you may have to wait it out for a bit. Over time, your uncle will see that you are who you are and it's not a choice. But if you can have your therapist recommend hormones, or even just diagnose you with gender dysphoria that could go a long way in helping your uncle understand. You could try giving him resources to help him understand.

It's debated whether or not being trans is a mental illness, I don't believe it is. Gender dysphoria is classified as a mental illness. If you think it would help, you could explain what dysphoria is and that, while it is an illness, it's a treatable and even curable one. Help him understand that the best treatment is support, hormones, and if you want, surgery. (Maybe don't bring up surgery right off the bat. Start with talking about hormones as that is more reversible and less scary to hear.) But if he is the type to look down on mental illness, don't go this route.

In the meantime, you can try to do things that make you feel more yourself. If your voice adds to your dysphoria, look into voice training there are lots of tutorials online (just be careful not to strain, if it hurts, stop.) Grow out your hair if that's what you want. Play with makeup if that's your jam. (Idk what girls do, lol I was never good at being one XD )

Best of luck! I hope you find the support you need. But, if not remember that you're only 4 years away from being an adult and making your own decisions. (I know in some cases it's not that simple but it's good to keep that in mind)

I'm impressed that you came out at 14, I could barely admit it to myself at that age.
-Ben

Jenniewo · Mar 28, 2019

MaybeBenji said: ↑

I think working with your uncle and therapist is a good idea. It might help him see that this is real and not "just a phase". If that doesn't help, it's not the greatest thing, but you may have to wait it out for a bit. Over time, your uncle will see that you are who you are and it's not a choice. But if you can have your therapist recommend hormones, or even just diagnose you with gender dysphoria that could go a long way in helping your uncle understand. You could try giving him resources to help him understand.

It's debated whether or not being trans is a mental illness, I don't believe it is. Gender dysphoria is classified as a mental illness. If you think it would help, you could explain what dysphoria is and that, while it is an illness, it's a treatable and even curable one. Help him understand that the best treatment is support, hormones, and if you want, surgery. (Maybe don't bring up surgery right off the bat. Start with talking about hormones as that is more reversible and less scary to hear.) But if he is the type to look down on mental illness, don't go this route.

In the meantime, you can try to do things that make you feel more yourself. If your voice adds to your dysphoria, look into voice training there are lots of tutorials online (just be careful not to strain, if it hurts, stop.) Grow out your hair if that's what you want. Play with makeup if that's your jam. (Idk what girls do, lol I was never good at being one XD )

Best of luck! I hope you find the support you need. But, if not remember that you're only 4 years away from being an adult and making your own decisions. (I know in some cases it's not that simple but it's good to keep that in mind)

I'm impressed that you came out at 14, I could barely admit it to myself at that age.
-Ben
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Thanks for the advice, it helps a lot! I'll definitely work through it with my therapist.

I feel like my Uncle is not taking me seriously about my Transgender identity.

Jenniewo
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I feel like my Uncle is not taking me seriously about my Transgender identity.

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