Hello everyone! I've been on this platform since March last year and I remembered myself struggling with my sexuality... So I realized and understood that I was gay, it literally was a shock at first but I'm finally starting to accept it slowly even if it's really really hard! I told my best friends about it 2 months ago (they are the only one who know) and It was such a relief because they were fully supportive of me. However, I told them by text and since then, I just can't talk about it "freely" face to face... I told them that I have a crush on a friend of ours and I would love to tell them more but the words don't want to come out of my mouth. I have a hard time accepting who I am, and thesedays, I was thinking about sharing it to my sister... maybe if I start telling her, it will be easier to accept it and she would eventually help me a lot. I also wanted to tell it to my crush (who is straight), we're pretty close but her best friend his gay and I was thinking that maybe she would understand how I feel. I believe that telling her would help me to move on, because I'm afraid that my crush on her gets bigger and bigger as time goes on and that I will end up being depressed. I know the right time to tell people is when I'm fully ready but I'm starting to be really sad about keeping all those things to myself and I wish people close to me could help me accepting my truth. What do you guys think? Do you have any tips for me? Thanks, Elph
I've come out to a fair few people, including friends (open-minded) and my sister + parents (Had to come out to them, long story, but they didn't take it too well). So while I'm not expert at this, here goes my two cents... Be absolute certain when you want to come out to specific individuals. Be it your parents, siblings, cousins, friends or acquaintances. Because you can never un-come out or take it back or wish that you'd never come out to them in the first place. I came out to wonderful, open-minded friends who were totally cool with it. I actually hung around them and stuff for almost a year, before I came out to them. Some of them said they suspected it, since I let my guard down and let the gay-me show in my mannerisms sometimes (according to what they said), but all-in-all I don't regret coming out to them at all. My sister and parents on the other hand, sometimes I wish I hadn't come out. Since things just got complicated. I misjudged the level of uncomprehensiveness they could reach and thought I would be able to convince them or atleast make them see my viewpoint. Long story short, I'm fighting an uphill battle with them about my sexuality, but it is my battle and I've reached a comfortable level now, where I've come to terms with the whole "coming-out" and wouldn't have it another way. I'm no trying to scare you. Believe me. Just saying that, try to find out what your sister and your friends' feelings are towards LGBTQ+ in general before you decide on how, where and when to come out to them. That might help you decide a lot of things, including on how to come out them. I wish you all the best and sincerely hope you find the support you're looking for.
Hii Thank you for your answer! I met both of my best friends almost 2 years ago and they quickly became like sisters to me. We bonded incredibly fast and I felt comfortable enough to come out to them. I knew they would take it really well, be there for me and I was right! I know that coming out is such a huge step and somehow it is scary... My sister would also take it well I guess as she is supportive of the LGBT+ community. We're kinda close even though I don't confess her secrets really often. Concerning my parents, I can't tell them for now... they had some homophobic remarks or they said things that made me really sad and uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure they would be ok with it as I'm their daughter but still, I think it's not the right time And for my crush, I'm that close to tell her... I'm scared of her reaction but I can't keep writing her knowing my feelings, if feel like I'm lying to her and it hurts me when she's talking about boys (she has a crush on a boy so...) I'm so proud of you for telling your family even if you didn't expect their reaction.. You're right, it is your battle and you have the right to live your life the way you want to! Did it take you long to come out after you found out about your sexuality?
Take all the time you need. You'll need it. It always helps to come out to people, who you know or suspect atleast, to be somewhat LGBTQ+ friendly or open minded. So if you feel your parents aren't going to understand, that's fine. . You have every right and the choice to come out to them only when you're comfortable. I'm confused about your sister though. You say you aren't really close with her, to the extent that you don't even share most secrets with her. So I'm not able understand why you feel like you need to come out to her? Is it because you feel she is open-minded and LGBTQ+ friendly and can be your ally if and when you decide to come out to your parents and everyone else? Or is it because you want to get closer to her and involve her in your life, like being more open with her and telling her things? I'm only asking so that I can understand. Feel free to say as little or as much as you want on this. No pressure. I knew I liked boys and men sometime between the age of 6 and 8. I realized what homosexuality was, what gay sex was and the concept of LGBTQ+ when I was 16. I tried coming out to my parents then, since I was confused myself and needed help in understanding it. They weren't very helpful though, so after fights and a bit of mess, I retreated into the closet. When I was 27, I got introduced to a group of friendly, open-minded people who became really close to me. They help me regain my self-confidence, self-esteem and come out of my shell (introvertedness). I came out to most of them a little while before my 28th birthday. I came out again to my parents Last August/September. They read a few texts on my phone and realized I "still" liked men. Got messy. That's the gist of what happened.
You're absolutely right, I will take my time and tell them when I'm ready! Yesterday night, I found myself brave enough to talk about my crush to my best friends and I was so happy! It was so natural and they were really focused on what I was saying! About my sister, I don't know how to explain haha! Actually, we call each other at least twice a week (we don't study in the same city) and we always have things to tell each other but it's pretty random. To answer your question, I would love to involve her more in my life, which means telling her things that I don't tell others. I want to be able to tell her about my crushes, small things like that I know my sister is someone supportive of me and everytime I was feeling down, she was there to call me and to tell me that things will get better. Wow you knew it since a long time! I'm so happy that you found this close group of friends! Friends are so important in someone's life and it's such a relief when you know you can count on them no matter what!
I'm glad you could talk to your friends and get a positive response from them. The feeling of positivity on coming out is definitely worth everything when you give it a shot. You know your sister better than anybody. So if you feel she will be a supportive person, I'd encourage you to go with your idea of coming out to her. . do let us know when you come out to her. We'd wanna know how it went.
Thank you for your sweet answer!! I think I'm going to tell her and call her tonight because the weight is starting to be hard to carry alone.. I know that I'm maybe rushing things but I feel Iike it would be the right time for me before I start getting depressed haha
I wish you all the best for that. . Do let all of us once you've gotten a chance to talk to her. We're eager to know what happens.
I'm coming back with gooooood news!! I told my sister and it was the hardest thing to do, I started crying and I told her that I like girls! She cried as well and told me how proud she was of me and that she kind of knew! She said she will always have my back but it's safer not to tell the parents for now! I'm so relieved and happy, I cannot believe I actually did it Thank you so so much for your support!!! It means the world to me!
Thank you so so much!!! I still don't know what to do about the crush I developed on my straight friend though haha! I'm starting to have real feelings for her and she writes me about her crushes on boys, she actually had a date yesterday. I know I have to move on because it's kind of selfish from me to wait after her for something that will never happen... I don't want to spoil our friendship, writing her makes me really happy! But I can't have those feelings any longer and I'm wondering If I should tell her... I tell myself that doing this will help me to move on faster idk... It's hard and depressing
Congratulations on coming out to your sister! It's wonderful that it went so well and your sister is so supportive. When it comes to talking to your crush, I wouldn't describe it as being selfish but you are making things a lot harder on yourself, the longer you allow yourself to hang on the hope that something could happen in the future. It might be worthwhile to give it some thought as to whether you need to say anything at this point to her and if it would be better to try to broaden your circles of friends, or trying to strike up a friendship with someone with whom it could work out. You have the answer that could allow you to start moving on; trying to connect with others could just help with that. What are your instincts telling you on wanting to say something to your friend? I'd be careful with it, especially if you feel it could change the friendship or start making things awkward between the two of you once you have mentioned it to her.
Thank you so much for your sweet reply About my crush, the situation is a bit complex, I would say that it's a "special friendship".. We met at uni last September and she isn't in my class but she is in first year of master and i'm in second year. We could see each other from time to time at the cafeteria or in between classes but we were never just the two of us and we didn't interact that much. My best friends and her friends were always with us. Then, we went to different cities because of our internships and we started writing to each other a lot. We are so alike, we love the same movies, the same jokes, the same books etc.. She makes me laugh, she makes me happy and I'm so sad when I don't receive her texts. I will see her again in September at Uni when we will come back from our internships ! I really wanted to share my feelings with her because I feel like I'm lying to her. (btw, she knows I have a crush on someone, but she doesn't know SHE is the person haha) However, I don't know what could be her reaction and some people might say that it's not a big deal as we only know each other since last september but I don't want to loose her, she has a special place in my heart now. I'm so lost about all of this
