Now please don’t discard this as another one of those “Will I be single forever” type posts as it sorta is sorta is not. See... it’s something that crosses everyone’s mind at multiple points during there lifetime. Some have never had a relationship, some have been in relationship shops that ultimately just didn’t work and some have had to deal with the crap that comes with a bad relationship. Me, I’m the latter. Now I don’t wanna drone on about it but it just wasn’t good. He was lazy, jobless, would rather get drunk then actually have a life. It ruined me as person mentally. My finances sucked dry and it took me a year, new job and all to get myself back to normal... or square one as the case maybe. So here we are... part way into 2019. Less than a year away from being 30 and back to pondering “Will I be alone?” Yeah I’ve got friends so let’s skip that part. Basically my days consist of work and home. I never did do partying or drinking so I’m not about to start now. My only outlet into the gay world is the god awful hook up apps and I have one gay friend who I became friends with after dating didn’t work out. We hang out mid again, have a lot in common and surprisingly have amazing sex yet a relationship isn’t an option. Admitted back when we first met Id only just split from my ex and was probably a bit full on. He was always busy so I could never arrange a third date. A year down the line and we’re now really good friends who hang out, play video games and have sex. Anyhoo. Back to my point. With my very limited social outlet... I dunno if what I am doing will still enable me to meet someone or not. I’m quite happy with my life but then people tell me to change otherwise I won’t meet someone. I’m confused Any advice, anyone????
Try not to let your previous relationship taint your perceptions. Unfortunately, it's part of human nature to be very cautious after a bad experience even though each relationship will be unique. One gay friend is not enough! It sounds like you would benefit from expanding your social groups. Have you tried meeting other LGBT people outside of bars/clubs? Maybe there's a group that focuses on something you're interested in, like "gaymers" or other things. Conversely, you could find something like a gaming group and look for gay members within them. Even just attending events or activities could expose you to new people.
It's not nice when people tell you to change. I get the impression people say this to us so that we force ourselves to find a new boyfriend, then they'll have something to gossip about. No, if you're bored of me being sinlge, fuck off and find your gossip somewhere else, I'm quite happy being single. The way I feel about dating, is that I'm so used to being single and doing whatever I want with my free time, that even if I do have a date with someone and it goes really well and he seems like a nice guy, I don't want him becoming my boyfriend right away. It's a lot to just suddenly let someone into your life. After I've had a date, I like my life to go back to my mundane, boring routine for a week or so, before I start to think "you know what? I miss that guy, I think I'll text him and see if he wants to catch up." (and by that time they've usually lost interest and don't bother responding, so yeah, they probably weren't right for me anyway) You have a fuck buddy, good for you. If you are going to change your life, do it if/when you feel like it, don't let other people's opinions force you into changing anything about yourself. We're too old for that kind of pressure.
I guess I would take the opposite tack. To my way of thinking everyone's life needs to change. I guess there are probably people out there who have exactly the life they want but even amongst happy people I think they're pretty few and far between. And I'm not sure most people even qualify as happy. If you have the life you want, great! If you don't change something and see what happens. If you don't get the result you want change it again. If you do get the result you want change something else. If you aren't getting the results you want it doesn't make a lot of sense to stay the course. Be more ambitious or don't be so hard on yourself. Get out more or go different places. Resolve to change something even if it's just to feel better about staying how you are. Make your life better! Why not?
I'm a bit confused by your question mainly because in the whole thread you never mentioned what you wanted. Yes, you say your friends say you have to change your social life if you want to meet someone else. But what do you want? Want do you want the end result to be? If you want to have a more social life, but don't know how to do it then this would make sense. Seems like you only have two options in your head 1) stay at home 2) go get drunk. I';m here to tell you those are not your only options! If you are a homebody, then do that but with friends. Its that simple. I have a group of gay guys and we get together once a month to play DnD. A group here recently started hosting a game night at a gay bar. So bunch of us just go to a gay bar, have beers and compete in smash tournaments. So do you have to get out of the house in order to meet new people? Yeah, I mean how else will you meet knew people? Do you have to do stuff that you don't enjoy? No, just have to get creative and have some courage to ask for exactly what you want
