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Throwing Caution to the Wind

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dionysios, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. Dionysios

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A "For Sale" sign recently went up in front of my home. Now my neighborhood in this sleepy Southern town is a fairly tight knit one and we all are good friends. Immediate neighbors began texting or calling about why my wife and I are moving. My wife texted me at work about how to respond. She thought that we should merely tell them that we were separating and divorcing for personal reasons. However these people are not strangers but our personal friends. Perhaps it is because I was tired. Perhaps it was because I was frustrated. Yet after all these years of hiding, I finally threw caution to the wind and told my wife to tell them the truth - that we were divorcing and selling because I came out as gay. When I later came home, I spoke to some who had not yet heard and told them in person. Everyone was very sympathetic and supportive. My neighbor across the street urged me to buy my wife out and stay in the house. *smile*

    It's strange, but opening up to some about myself caused some of my neighbors to open up about their own lives. One neighbor explained that she had been married once before and that the marriage ended when her first husband came out as a transvestite. I also learned that one guy (part of an openly gay couple who live two houses down) came out only last year and left his wife and children. Now he is legally married to his partner.

    Earlier that same day, while at my job, I decided to also bite the bullet and tell my co-workers too. A few of them already knew I was divorcing. So I told them and others the reason why. They all knew both me and my wife quite well. Their reactions? Two of my colleagues actually embraced me and one woman patted me on the back and "Good for you. That took a lot of courage."

    The co-worker who I most worried about was a dear friend. Unlike my neighbors and other co-workers, this woman had known me for many years, and not just as a colleague, but as a priest (indeed she was a former parishioner of mine from a parish in another town long ago). I am not "out" to anyone in my church community. At present I am wrapping up my ministry in another state (this is why my "coming out" experience is so belabored and slow). I did not want this news to spread further. My neighbors and co-workers don't know anyone from the distant churches where I have served at. However this particular woman did. I took a big chance when I had a heart to heart with this woman/former parishioner. I told her not only about the divorce but about my decision to leave the priesthood because I could not continue to serve in the ministry as an openly gay man. Her reaction was so sweet. She vowed not to tell any church people. Indeed, she said that I am always welcome at her and her husband's home to stay if ever I need a place.

    The only group now who I have not yet come out to is the largest group of all - hundreds and hundreds of former parishioners from various parishes scattered across states throughout the country as well as hundreds of fellow priests. That is the next hurdle I have to overcome. That will come soon, perhaps next month. Perhaps I am tempting fate in telling family, neighbors and co-workers ahead of them. But even if the news leaks out and they somehow find out, I trust that their reaction will echo my former parishioner, neighbors and co-workers, all of whom who accepted me for who and what I really am.
    Quod autem spes et orationis (That is my hope and my prayer).
     
    bearheart and SemiCharmedLife like this.
  2. DecentOne

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    Congrats! I’m glad to hear you and your wife were able to be honest.
    I’ve found a couple people I’ve told have revealed something about themselves, that I would not have guessed.
     
    Dionysios likes this.
  3. amylase

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    i'm so glad this went well for you! you have a great support system
     
    Dionysios likes this.
  4. MBM4K54

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    Words cannot express how much I admire your courage .
     
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  5. smurf

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    This is so fucking cute!! Congratulations on putting yourself out there. So glad that you have amazing people around you.

    This is one of the most amazing discoveries when you start coming out and being vulnerable. This whole time people have been connecting and talking about their lives around me and I never knew?! Amazing.

    Being vulnerable allows others to know its also safe for them to show you who they are. The connections you will be able to make are truly life changing.

    Keep on shining bright! :slight_smile:
     
    #5 smurf, Mar 27, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2019
    Dionysios likes this.