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I JUST CANT STOP WORRYING

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by eddddddddd, Mar 19, 2019.

  1. eddddddddd

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    hey

    its really been a tiring month. I came across too many drowning information that made me feel so scared about not having any possible stable relationship.

    I had one therapy and all she said was youre still young and stop worrying too much. But i just cant.

    I had an incident where i really really had a intense crush on someone and after pursuing and making them like me back and once they do liked me back. I unwillingly and unwantendly just feel anxious and scared that i dont have the intense crush feeling anymore. That i couldnt show or express love without forcing myself to do so. then from there the relationship ends. im 18. I sound stupid i know.

    but i dont want to keep hurting people the people i knew deserve the love i hope to give.

    sigh.
     
  2. Questions93

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    Hey man,

    I understand where you're coming from. And I know it's no use saying "try not to worry", because its not that simple to just stop.

    You could try what I'm currently doing, which is too start a diary (mine is on laptop) and just whenever you feel like it, just start typing out all the things you are thinking. I find it helps to stop all the thoughts from flying around your head. I've also found that sometimes I end up answering my own questions and figuring things out.

    It won't always fix the problem, but it will help get things out of your head.
     
  3. smurf

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    If your therapist legit said "Don't worry about it too much" then you need a new therapist. Your therapist should be able to equip you with tool on how to deal with the anxiety rather than try to just "relax". If she ever says that demand actual was on how to :just relax" or other ways to cope with it all.

    I don't think I completely understand your worry. Do you worry that you are using people? That you are incapable of loving someone?
     
  4. eddddddddd

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    My therapist actually advised me to do that. Dont know if i should try it. Hey by means of knowing or understanding my situation, did you had the same incident? or just the same constant worrying?
     
  5. eddddddddd

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    Ah yes I feel like I lead people on despite wanting a genuine relationship with them. I just immediately feel like im wasting their time since I felt that I dont really want the situation anymore. Not because something happened that turned me off but somehow the term akoiromantic? i hate labels like that but it seems like my feelings starts to fade when i eventually found out that they liked me back. For some time I'll feel happy but I eventually feel my stomach churning and scared to continue the relationship, because i feel like wasting time and leading them on. : (
     
  6. Questions93

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    Hey,

    More the constant worrying than your situation in particular :slight_smile:
     
  7. Chip

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    It's got to be challenging figuring out what's going on for you. At the same time... there's so much bad information out there that just confuses people worse, and the staff here ends up having to post over and over to dispel these various myths. In this case, I'm talking about the recent trend of people mislabeling mental health issues as made-up sexual orientations. For the record, neither akoiromantic nor lithromantic are accepted terms used by anyone with any credibility, so you don't have to worry about labeling yourself with one of those. Unicornsexual is about as credible as one of those. :slight_smile:

    So from what you're describing, it sounds like you've got a worthiness issue... it sounds like there's a sense that you don't deserve someone who would go out with you, and thus, as soon as they show interest, you immediately back away, because that is actually a defense mechanism... if you break up first (or don't get started at all, then you don't have to deal with the despair of them breaking up with you. This is very, very common in people with low self-esteem. Mind you... all of this is happening in the unconscious, so there's likely no conscious awareness that you're doing it, and consciously, you do want the connection, so you keep reaching out, only to have unconscious go "Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen."

    Shame and worthiness are at the core of so many of these sorts of issues, and the work of Brené Brown is really good at explaining what happens, how we behave, and what we can begin to do about it. If you have an hour, watch all three of the videos below. If you have less time, start with the first one, and watch the others when you have time. All three cover different aspects of the material, and will give you different insights.







     
  8. eddddddddd

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    I had watched the three videos and I am quite unsure what to feel. Consciously I know for myself that I am somewhat good enough. And all she said was to be more vulnerable, how? do i start opening up with people, I had been doing so but still. Still feel sick that I had to leave the woman, I feel like I should just move on but the thought of it happening again, somewhere at sometime, I just can't figure out what's missing. Thank you though. How do I actually think that or feel worthy? I didn't quite got it from the videos.