I'm getting ready to come out to my mom as transgender/genderfluid. This isn't my first experience coming out to a parent (I'm already out to my dad as trans and to both parents as not straight), but it's not much less anxiety-inducing coming out the second, third or fourth time (for me anyways, maybe for some other folks it does get easier). I plan on writing a letter and then reading it to her while I'm home for my week-long spring break at the end of the month. That way, I can do it in person at a time where it doesn't look like I waited until the last minute, but even still, if it goes badly, I won't have to sit there in the awkward for too long before I make my escape back to university. Also, if I get too nervous to speak (I'm hoping this won't happen, but realistically, it probably will), I can just give her the letter rather than having to put it off to another time that might not ever come. I'm kind of unsure about how to explain though, especially since I want to go at it from the perspective of wanting her to be open to talking about it, but I know that she most likely won't be. My family tends to avoid conflict by not talking about things that make us uncomfortable, so I find it hard to imagine that she'll do anything other than try to sweep it under the rug. I'm not asking her to call me by my correct pronouns or acknowledge my genderfluidity in any way. I just don't want to feel like I can't let her find out. Does anyone have any advice?
Ellis.....Hello! "old_smile: You know your mother better than any of us here on empty closets, so you would be the best person to know how to approach her. I think the letter is a good idea. You could even leave the letter where she will find it after you have left to go back to school. Sometimes that is a good idea as it avoids what can become an emotional argument. However you choose to do it, I'd like to encourage you to go through with telling her. When you keep a secret...especially something that is significant and emotional like coming out...that secret has power over you. It can cause shame, guilt fear, self-hate, and depression. So many of our LGBTQ Family have been tormented by keeping their sexuality secret, sometimes for years. The only way to be freed from all the pain that a secret causes is to destroy the secret by telling others what you've been hiding. So however you decide to tell your mother...be sure that you do tell her! It will make a big difference in your life!! .....David
You make a good point that since you don't know my mother, you can't really give me advice about how best to phrase things for her. Thanks so much for the encouragement. I think that's probably what I needed more than anything.
