I came out to my mother over the summer, and to say the least it was emotional and incredibly difficult. A week later she told me it was ok, and she accepted me no matter what. Now, I'm not so sure. She asked me if I was in a relationship with a girl I spend a lot of time with(She is my girlfriend), and then proceeded to tell me all about my confusion and lack of stable mental state for this decision. Then, it got worse. She told me I was disrespecting my body by jumping from one person to the next saying that I shouldn't feel girls one day and boys the next. I tried to explain to her that is not what bisexuality really is. She told me it's just meaningless until I pick a side which rubs me in such a bad way. Clearly she doesn't understand bisexuality yet she was trying to tell me how I look at relationships and who I am in my sexuality. She told I was immature for not committing to one side. I just can't believe after all these months she's going to do this to me. I've finally began to get comfortable and she's breaking me down. I feel rejected, again.
Hey Dani, Have you tried explaining to her that bisexuality is not about being attracted to "everyone"? I mean, you could use the example of a straight girl: Being straight doesn't mean you like every man or type of men in front of you. People usually have preferences (tall men, short men, blonde, nerds, gym-bodied, etc). It's similar with bisexuality: Being bisexual doesn't mean you like everyone and you need to be with everyone: It just means your preference isn't restricted to one gender or the other, and that's all. It also doesn't mean you need to be with a man or a woman at the same time, just like a straight woman doesn't need to be with two men she finds attractive at once. If you want, this site provides a little FAQ that may be helpful. Maybe you could show it to her: http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/Bisexuality
Thank you I'm definitely going to send my parents that link. And yeah, I've tried with the straight girl aspect, she just doesn't see it.
No problem. However, I wouldn't expect her to understand everything from a single link or conversation. Coming out to ourselves takes time, and for others to understand something that is not in their head can take even more time to understand. I know it is hard, especially when we need acceptance, but you may need to be patient and give her time to process and understand everything. You can show her texts like that one and talk to her about this, that can help a lot! But the process of understanding may not be that fast. And we are here for you so we can talk about all of this.
Thanks I really appreciate that. I don't expect her to accept me 100% right now, but she didn't have to tell me she did and then change her mind like this. It crushes me, I would've just preferred the truth.
It may be possible that she is confused. Especially to older people, from a different generation, understanding what being LGBT+ means isn't so simple. But, from what you said, she is open to talk about this, which is a good thing. Give her time, and it is very likely that she will eventually understand.
I suspect the issue is less with not understanding what bisexuality means, and more about your mother is in denial about your being bisexual. In many cases, when a child discloses to a parent "I'm bisexual", what the parent hears is "Oh, my child is in a phase" or "Oh, my child says s/he likes the same sex, but still likes the opposite sex, so everything will turn out OK". And then when the child actually shows up with a same-sex partner... the parent is forced to confront his or her denial or bargaining. This is classic 'stages of loss' (in this case, loss of perception that you're straight). The stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. They aren't always sequential, and can take anywhere from minutes or years to process. So it's likely your mother is bouncing back and forth between anger (all the comments about your 'irresponsible' behavior) and bargaining ("You can still end up with a guy.") And that's one of the reasons why it is often even harder for a child to come out as bisexual than it is to come out as gay or lesbian, because bisexuality, in the parent's mind, leaves open the door that his or her child can end up "normal". So I agree that sharing some information from the source Gabriel mentioned, or from PFLAG could be helpful. And simply giving her time to really process and understand this. Perhaps you could offer to go to a PFLAG meeting with her; there's almost certainly one somewhere near you. If she would go, she'd have the chance to talk with other parents who went through similar things with their own children, and it might help her to feel less alone, and reach acceptance sooner.
