Howdy! I made an account on here around 8 years ago, but couldn't remember so I made a new one with a new name I've been thinking of going by. I've been questioning my gender since probably late middle school, early high school (I'm 21 years old now). At one point in time I would feel weird being called a boy, thinking "oh my god I sound like a guy oh no" but as I got older I became more content with it almost? Once I got short hair I immediately fell in love, doesn't help that I dislike dresses as well. I would try nail polish but afterwards find it weird and like it doesnt belong on me. Same for dresses. Now I despise them and when I try them on I feel weird and thinking it's not meant to be on me. I wear guy clothes all the time, play sports, love rough housing and even began to try binding because I dislike my boobs. I find them weird and, quite frankly, in the way of everything. It just feels uncomfortable. Same for down there. Always felt weird by it but thought oh well these feelings will pass. Well, it did not, in fact, pass. I was talking to my aunt (not related and I live with her) how I told her if I woke up the next day as a male I would not complain at all, I wouldn't care and even continue on with my life. She accepts me (shes legit amazing as heck). Some days I carry on not thinking about my gender but then there's days like these where it's all I think about. Childbirth and pregnancy scares me, in my mind I think ok I dont want that that's terrifying and something that shouldnt happen with my body. Almost like it's something not meant to happen. I never truly thought about beards and when I look at pictures of me with long hair or being girly I dont even recognize myself. I'm internally panicking thinking goodness have I been in denial this whole time? Panicky about the possibility of T shots (i hate needles), top surgery money, etc. Also worried about losing what little family i have and things like that. I'm so tired of questioning the past 7 or 8 years I just want to know whether to transition or not and stop worrying if i will make the wrong choice (I'm prone to being indecisive) TL;DR: questioning gender since 2011/2012, worried about making wrong decision and want to stop worrying so much
Generally when you are in a situation that makes you unhappy and uncomfortable, it means something needs to change. So, does that mean you should transition? I think you've answered that question yourself. It seems to me that the real issues that are holding you back is not whether transition is right for you, but your family's reaction and some other miscellaneous (and common) fears. Do you have a reason to believe your family will not be accepting? Your aunt sounds like a good ally. As for shots, many trans folks who inject hate needles, but they find ways to deal with it, like having someone else do it for them. T also comes as a gel. Top surgery is expensive, but not as much as you think. It is certainly affordable, though you may have to save up for some time. It may also be covered by insurance. These fears are all very common, but don't let them stop you from transitioning if that is what you really want. On an unrelated note, I saw your welcome post and I would just like to say that guinea pigs are great.
