Coming out to my College Roomate

I am in a very similar situation! I am moving away for uni, and I don't know whether I should just tell my roommates when I move in. It would save so much trouble later on, but I don't think I am ready to come out to them all yet.... I think I am going to not tell them for the beginning and if we get along really well, I will tell them. I am probably moving out the second year so if we don't get along, I will just not tell them. Even though it's a chance to start all at a new place, it would still depend on the person I think.

 

You need not to stress out. Don't worry about things that have not happened yet or may never happen. It's an exciting time for both you and your prospective roommates. View it the change as a poditive opportunity. Perhap consider a "soft" coming out approach when you move and get settled. You don't have to say anything. Perhaps your clothes and decorations (rainbow poster) could give the needed clues for your friends to pick up on. If they then ask you, just smile and tell them the truth. It will save you drama. In college, life is different from high school. Even in conservative areas, gay people are often widely accepted by younger people. Don't assume the worst. The students are there for an academic education. They may not care whether you are straight or gay. They have other things on their mind. *smile*

 

How conservative are we talking about? Religious private college or conservative leaning public college?

The thing that matters is their policies. Read or ask about their housing policies. Do they mention the protection of LGBT students somewhere? Is there an LGBT org or club at the college?

Student opinions don't reallyl matter. Only thing that matters is that when you complain or need help that your administration will respond.

If its too conservative and they don't clearly state they protect their lgbt students, then if you can I would highly encourage you to apply somewhere else. Its not too late.

For roommates, the quicker you come out the better.

Its way easier to switch your roommate before moving day than after. If you feel comfortable, reach out to your roommate prior to moving in and clearly say "I'm gay hopefully that's not a problem. If it is, let me know so we can switch our roommate arrangement" Sounds crazy, but honestly its the easiest way to avoid a horrible year.

You could wait if you don't think you can contact your roommate prior to, but it just makes things trickier. But for the most part, universities have gotten really good and managing bad roommates. Most people will be able to switch rooms if there are major problems like a homophobe with an lgbt student.

Your RA should help with disputes and the like, but again it depends how conservative your college is and how well trained your RA is.

Keep this in mind. Things might not always be easy, but they are worth fighting for. Fight for your right to your room being a safe heaven for you to go and recharge after a hard day of classes.

 

Do you have a girlfriend? If not, what does your sexual orientation matter in the context of sharing rent costs with other students? Like, if you're not sleeping with anyone in the same house as your roomies, it's really a moot point.
If you do have a girlfriend, or you intend to sleep with someone in your rented space that you pay for, as a courtesy, tell your roomies that there's someone else as an overnight guest in the house you share, don't lie about that person being the same sex as you, be like " Hi, yeah, so just so you guys aren't wondering 'who is that in the house', I'm having my friend (name) over tonight, she's really cool, we have (class name or however you know each other) together, just wanted to let you know. " and move on.
Let the roomies figure it out for themselves, if they're college age and homophobic these days, honestly like, what the fuck? That's their problem, and in the college world (since I went anyway, in the 90s), homophobes are the ones who will be lambasted for their archaic belief.

 

This is a very interesting conversation. I’m in a similar situation since moving to my new university. This is the first time I’ve lived away from home and been out to all the people I know. So I originally had the same concerns a few months ago myself. I live in a kinda of patchy area living in northern Florida , so we have about a mixed amount of people who are accepting and less so. I wasn’t sure what to expect here as well. I didn’t feel as comfortable at my old school but I literally moved only like an hour away to my new one and it’s such a difference! I haven’t had one person say anything negative about my sexuality and I know a ton of gay people who are out and in my classes. So I guess what I’m saying is, if you feel safe, and there isn’t any outward signs of hostility, maybe you should give it a try and just start mentioning it casually to people. Schools these days, even in slightly more conservative areas, are a lot more accepting these days. The vast majority of young people don’t seem to care in my experience. Does your school have a lgb club? That can be a sign that people are fairly open minded. Unless you’re close with your roommate then unless it comes up you may not need to mention it. I haven’t mentioned anything to my roommate because I hardly see her, and the ironic thing is she’s gay! So it’s not like she’d care but it literally hasn’t come up. So I’d say just mention it when you’re comfortable.

 

So happy to read that you had such a positive experience. I used to live in northern Florida. Times are changing in the conservative South, and for LGBT people, for the better!

 

I didn't really start coming out to a lot of people until only a year ago, but I made it a general rule with roommates to give them a heads up. Personally, I would recommend to disclose ahead of time. That way if there are issues, that's typically something Housing will accommodate changes for. Even if you don't intend on having anyone over, it feels good to not have to hide anything.