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Baby step, profile pic

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by heythere1971, Mar 3, 2019.

  1. heythere1971

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    Since I was 20, have used online for interaction. I never post a pic, part of my paranoia, being outed, noticed, recognized. Delete my browser cache, furiously check browser history, log out of any websites, living this way secretly, well it's a chore at times. Anyway, I updated my profile, because here I will be honest for once. Though I still struggle with this aspect in open, real world community, putting it up front here. My closet is a tad more empty.
     
  2. heythere1971

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    Of course premature, I guess profile pics need moderated. Eventually this post may make sense!!
     
  3. bearheart

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    What you're going through is perfectly normal, and it is a way of peeking out of the closet. But personally, I don't feel obligated any time to show my real Pic nor to use my real name. It is something that you could chose to reveal or conceal whenever it suits you.

    I've done the same with my browsing history in the past. Clearing all tracks of my internet activity as I go. Obviously I learned a lot about technical issues as I did it! And used this knowledge in my favor. But eventually, I felt comfortable with some forums and people to reveal the real me to them. And it was OK, I frankly didn't feel great nor horray I'm out of the closet! It just felt normal, more comfortable of course. It took me several years, after separating from my wife and on going divorce that I started to open up a little more and not to worry about my internet browsing history. I still use fingerprint unlock on my phone especially with anything relating to my gay identity. Accidents happen and depending on where I am and with whom I'm hanging I'll take the proper precautions.

    So yes, it feels nice to peek out of the closet, it's an achievement and I encourage you to continue that, taking the proper precautions for your own safety.

    Hugs.
     
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  4. Dionysios

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    Congratulations! It's a bold step for those hiding in the closet. It must have taken courage to include a photo of yourself. I paused when I joined, hesitant to include a picture of myself. For me it was theraputic, helping me come to terms with "coming out." You are well on your way to swinging open that closet door! *smile*
     
  5. Questions93

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    Congrats! I haven't made it that far yet, so I know that it is a pretty big step. Be proud of yourself! :slight_smile:

    I also spent years clearing search histories, caches everything. I had no idea what I was doing, so just to be safe I had to wipe everything. And then go and check to make sure its all gone. I even went as far to use a seperate email address to sign up to things like EC etc. (Embarrassing I know, but hell, that's how it was!). It was exhausting!!! But as I continue to get a bit more comfortable, I notice that I don't care about those stuff as much.

    We're heading in the right direction :slight_smile:
     
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  6. SevnButton

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    I can SO relate to the whole thing about covering your tracks on-line! I haven’t been bold enough to post my photo, but a turning point for me was to acknowledge that Empty Closets is a really good thing and participating here is totally honorable.

    Good on ya, @heythere1971 !
     
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  7. bearheart

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    Isn't that the normal thing to do?!! lol

    I sometimes think of it as having dual lives, like the dual personalities we were trained to present. I do have a "gay"-related email, facebook account, nick name, and such! I don't reveal anything about the real me (now I don't really know which one of them is the real me?!!) unless I'm comfortable with the person I'm chatting with or forum I'm on. I don't find it embarrassing per se, but more precautionary. Everyone knows how opening up might impact his own life and we have the right to protect ourselves as much as we can, right?
     
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  8. Rade

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    I reviel everything, being in the closet 42 years was long enough. I'm now a very open book.
    Eventually revieling ourselves is part of the healing/ growing/accepting who we are......
    Heythere1971 it sounds like your journey has started.
     
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  9. Mirko

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    This was certainly me when I started coming out. Joining EC was one of the very first things I did, even before coming out to anyone. After I visited the site, I'd clear the browsing history, any traces of me having been on it. With the passage of time and as I let people know, all that changed. EC was definitely part of my coming out journey, story. These days I even let it slip that I volunteer for EC.

    Joining EC, uploading a pic and sharing things about yourself are all steps in beginning to leave the closet behind. In some respects, it shows you have started becoming comfortable with being yourself and are willing to take risks, prepare for the next step. :slight_smile:
     
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  10. heythere1971

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    Well I guess if someone finds me here, they are here for a reason and perhaps an opportunity, rather than a risk. I had and urge to tell my brother. Not spoke in years...but did hit him up on messenger. No I didn't blurt out the bomb, started with pleasantries. Luck or not, no response yet. He should be the safest, he's out and proud has been for years. I got lot of splaining to do, Lucy. Not sure if I get the follow through but was motivated to take this risk this morning anyway.
     
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  11. Dionysios

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    You have a good attitude my friend! Life without risks would be a rather boring ordeal. I am glad that you took a chance. By being open, you show your confidence and willingness to be who you are. That's wonderful! And good luck with your brother. This may actually bring the two of you closer together. The bonds of family ties can be a great comfort as you continue on your life's journey.
     
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  12. Mirko

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    I think it is awesome that you took that step! Congratulations.

    Your brother is definitely the safest person to start coming out to; things will fall into place into their own time and you might need to do a lot of explaining; sometimes, our siblings and indeed parents know more than we think they do (which isn't such a bad thing; it can make things easier). :slight_smile:
     
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  13. Questions93

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    Really? Haha thought it was just me! Well that's a relief...

    Yep, those dual lives. Struggling to start bringing them together to just be one!

    Good luck heythere1971! It will be great to finally tell your brother!
     
  14. Contented

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    I found EC just as I started to come to terms with my homosexuality. Over these 2 years or so it has been my sounding board, advice center and the community that has allowed me to become comfortable as an openly gay man formerly married in a hetero relationship. At the beginning I thought I was the only one.lol. Certainly we all through various stages or steps as we come to terms with our same sex attraction. As long as we keep moving forward honestly it’s seems most of us find the path that’s right for us.
     
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  15. Brandy Bee

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    I know exactly how you feel!
    For me, it's by this point though, gone a little further. I don't delete browser history etc., my picture here is my authentic self (with a little help from digital editing :wink:.
    Now it seems I almost WANT people to accidentally discover me: I'm so accustomed to living with suspicion as to whether or not person X knows about me, or being uncertain in terms of how real I want to be with people (as opposed to my well- practiced public persona), that I wish in some way that ideally, co workers (especially), neighbors, extended family, already knew through no action on my part, my transgender identity and bisexuality.
    If it was discovered, in my mind, as opposed to my outright declaring these truths about me, I become invincible.
    It's the vulnerability of coming out that is the thing I think I struggle with the most.
    I know myself. I like myself. I'm a good person with a good heart and my life is valid and has value.
    "Oh, you don't 'believe' in transgenderism? You think intimacy in any form, between consenting adults is abomination? Fuck you, bring it on. My ride in life thus far has already made me invincible. Nothing can be said or done to cause me to think I'm somehow a 'wrong' person because of my gender or sexuality. Take your ridiculous beliefs, get on your bike and get lost. I'm done with you now."
    Oops. Another long winded reply to a great post. I'm not trying to steal anyone's thunder, just trying to relate.
    Heythere1971, great profile pic, by the way! I know your authentic self is so much more than the lite version you've been compelled to portray.
    See you around, hope to keep up with you!
     
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  16. heythere1971

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    You all rock. Thanks for comments, feels almost like sitting in a therapy group. All onosame wave length. Have a great week.
     
  17. Rade

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    Hello
    Coming out on messenger is absolutely fine!! I told my ex wife in person, my mum by phone. Most other people I messaged from Cyprus on my summer holiday! I was having to much fun to worry about the reactions!!
    Seriously though social media is a good option. In the end I put a gay flag on my facebook.....
     
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  18. heythere1971

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    So I did it. I emailed my story to my step brother. I wrote and rewrote a dozen times. Still can't believe I hit send....not sure if this is the beginning or the end. It's done though.
     
  19. bearheart

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    Good for you, please keep us posted about his reply. All excited for you.
    hugs
     
  20. Brandy Bee

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    Any forum for coming out is fine, IMO.
    Some people are better at the face to face conversation, others (like me) are much better in written form, where there's more time and opportunity to express yourself with precision.
     
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