Coming Out Later Feels Awkward as Hell....

You guys who have found a gay community of friends around you are soooooo lucky. I think where you live plays a tremendous part in how successful one comes out and makes friends. I am from central Alabama which is terribly conservative, anti gay, and backwards in most respects in regards to a gay community. It isn’t that there aren’t groups of gay folks in areas like this, finding any that you might fit in with and can relate to is almost an insurmountable challenge to a lot of us. Plus if you did, most of the population around here looks down upon anyone lgbt. That’s just the mindset of a place like this. I have too many years in at my job to leave and move somewhere better plus at some point my mother who lives here is going to need more and more help, so I’m stuck.
I too wish I had come out earlier, I probably would be in a much better position and state of mind now if I had. While coming out is terribly stressful for most guys, many of us, myself included have led horribly stressed and unsatisfied lives while we lived with remaining closeted for whatever our individual reasons may have been. I’m a single guy and stressed, I can’t even begin to imagine how you guys that were are or married can deal with it. My hat is off to you that have persevered and made it through though.

 

Coming out. I have taken years to admit to myself. Being military, conservative, blah blah...I was shamed in my pull. Retiring in St Louis, liberal friends of my wife it took letting my own prejudices go to get to this point. I am a coward still. Unwilling to let my family know let alone risk another divorce. I work from home so little chance I can for see freedom to get involved with any community. I hear and understand the "owe it to ourselves to be happy" I guess for now I chose stability over sanity. I think eventually my need will overcome the stability factor. Sabatage my marriage so I have a easy way out? I do that at times. Anyway good hearing there many here in same or similar circumstances.

 

Coming out can be complex. I have an ex wife who has become a gold digger. Her new homophobic boyfriend who makes threats to torch my flat and beat me first! Threats that I can't see my kids....
But life goes on, it's Sunday, my flat is calm and for once I'm chilling out, doing my thing.....

 

Just hang in there my friend! It's tough for us older fellows, but there are a lot of us out there. You just need to be persistent and stay positive. Hope you find a good guy soon!

 

My observations: It's not so much an IQ thing as it is a lack of "life experiences". Many of the younger set need to "season" a bit more - like a fine red wine. Additionally the younger set allows themselves to be held hostage by "multi tasking". (those damn phones) And lastly the younger set have higher levels of testosterone. Testosterone can drive a person insane.

 

In my situation, my lovers have all been much younger. The young guys are so much more accepting of my bisexuality and my marriage. And, they are SO fearless and willing to live outside the box. My current lover is not afraid of my relationship with my wife. In fact, my wife and he do things without me....not THAT.

The older guys I tried to develop relationships with didn't want to meet my wife. Us older guys can get stuck in our ways...I refuse to do that.

Young guys rock! They can be so engaging and honest.

I think we make a mistake when we judge others by age and apply all these stereotypes.

 

Age definitely isn’t everything. It’s a little different when you actually desire someone that is near your own age so you can have at least “your place in history” (for lack of a better term) in common. For example someone from your generation where you experienced the same decades and events. While I can agree that messing around with a younger guy could be hot,most of the time the sex is probably all that the two have in common. I can wish myself younger so that I could fit in with the millennials or whatever, but that wishing won’t get me there. I guess what I am saying is that sometimes things can in fact be judged by large age differences, as with everything there are many exceptions out there. Don’t know If that makes sense to anyone but it did in my feeble mind. Lol

 

I agree that having someone close in age is probably ideal...if you share the same interests and outlook.

My point is more with the tendency we have to fault younger guys for being different or to lump millennials with our preconceived notions of who they are because of how old they are.

I admit that I am an odd person in the sense that I don't conform to generational norms. My close friends range in age from early twenties to nearly 80. This is because I share common outdoor recreation interests. So, I hang out with old mountaineers and I might rock climb with a twenty year old.

I like all people of all ages and find that the ones I hang out with never behave their "age". They just are who they are.

As far as sexual partners...it doesn't matter to me how old they are. I desire men who are willing to be unconventional in the way they feel about relationships. Younger guys seem better able to do this in my experience. But, I don't seek out younger guys...just happens.

 

Agree 100%

 

There are groups out there, but sometimes it just hard to find them.

Here in Orlando we have soo many lgbt groups. From online perspective most of them will be for younger people, but there are 4 groups around here that meet up for bingo, breakfast and the like. They are just simply older so they have no idea how to market their group online. So it just takes a bit of a search which can understandably be frustrating

Keep at it and stop going to place that you feel horrible at

This is farthest from the truth.

I cherish the friendships that I have with older queer men. They have taught me so much about surviving and thriving. They have been mentors and amazing friends and my life would be so much different without them.

Yeah we can't be friends in the way people from the same age can be, but thats why you have multiple type of friends.

 

I guess I wasn’t clear. I never meant that different age guys couldn’t be very good friends socially or sexually, in fact although they aren’t gay, most all of my guy friends are much older or much younger than I am. I have very few friends of any sort close to my age much less any gay friend. What I was meaning was that some people such as myself while being open to friends of ANY age are seeking outnumber gay friends our own age a little more than other ages because someone our own age is something that is missing in our life, at least in my own. I didn’t mean it to sound that someone not of your age has nothing to offer, that is far from the truth, just that having our own age acquaintances is a desire for some of us. That doesn’t mean I’d turn my back on other ages. Like you said we can have friends of all ages. I’m just trying to fill in the one gap that is missing in my life. It wasn’t meant to be an overall statement that applied to everyone, but I surely can’t be the only one desiring some friends my own age as well.

 

I understand that. When one looks at long term relationships, that become partnerships, having someone close in age is a lot less complicated. I know of several older men with younger wives. The wives end up taking care of an old person while they are in the prime of life. That seems like a lot to ask!

In the context of this thread though...As we look for a "community" it seems we shouldn't leave any stone unturned because we have preconceived ideas about how a group might behave. Those young guys are still part of the community and we might find they have a lot to offer (I'm not talking about sex here)

 

That’s what I did! I’m not a guy though I’m an enbie lesbian (non-binary lesbian, working on my labels and kind of having fun with it!). Anyway yep, was such a good decision, as the group I starte has become like my family. It’s a really diverse queer group, men, women, other enbies, all letters in lgbtq family... but you can start a group for any demographic you want.