Being sick today with a cold, I spent much of the day in bed. Between my naps I watched a show directed by David Thorpe called "Do I Sound Gay?" It was interesting because Thorpe went to a speech therapist for help in trying to erase his "gay" voice. He seemed to feel that his natural voice limited him because some prospective partners wanted a more "masculine" sounding guy. Thorpe achieved only partial success but he never seemed comfortable with this artificially crafted voice and eventually went back to speaking in his normal intonation. People sound as they do and there should be no stigma attached to it. We all should be comfortable in our own skin and how we talk. Yet in the documentary many people were uncomfortable hearing the sound of their own voice. Do any of you know gay men who purposely affect a false "straight" voice in certain situations? If so, why do they do it? Is it find a partner? Or is to fit in better at work?
There is actually a psychological reason most people hate the sound of their own voice. It actually triggers your flee or fight mechanism in some people. As most people feel threatened when impersonated. This goes back to a basic instinct of trying to survive predators that imitate their prey. I don’t have the gay slur or lisp, but I have a high pitched voice for a guy. When I am in a group of ruff and tumble types at a truck stop or steel mill I do intentionally speak in a lower voice. I also used the same voice in the army when giving instructions to my soldiers as an NCO I call it my NCO voice. Anyway, I guess having forced myself to live a straight life for so long it’s my way of shielding myself from people who have no business knowing who I am. When I see a hot guy, I bat my long eyelashes, speak in my regular voice, and give them my whole undivided attention in hopes they ask for my number. Hahaha! To be honest I have never met a gay man who tries to make themselves more butch when they are on the prowl but my experience is limited.
I have a pretty normal guy voice, but yes I make it deeper sometimes. I'm a small dude and I feel like using artificial deepness in my voice sometimes distracts people from my shortness and slimness, making them think of me more as a "real man" instead of "the small dude." I'll admit that the stereotypical gay voice makes me kind of uncomfortable too. When I'm around gay people with normal voices I can think of them as individual people like anyone else...but the ones with gay voices all I can think is "wow you're really, really gay" every time I hear them talk which distracts me from their actual personality. One of them is the president of a club I'm in and I literally never remember anything he says during meetings because I'm too focused on his voice, which is easily the highest voice I've ever heard in my life. It shouldn't be that way... but I do see why people with voices like that try to fake it.
I don't have a lisp or anything, but I do also have a slightly high pitched voice. It used to annoy me when I was younger that people on the phone thought I was a woman! (a common problem for many of us) My friend, you had an advantage that many of us don't have. When speaking in your natural voice you also bedazzled men by batting those lovely lashes of yours - you must have broken many a guy's heart! *grin*
That's interesting that the "gay" voice is distracting for you. I might think that too, but then I shelve it in the back of my mind. When I have to do public speaking, I don't deepen my voice, but I do consciously enunciate clearly and attempt to speak loudly and not in my normal, quiet tone.
I’ve always had a very gay voice lol A bunch of things affect how we speak... One thing people often over look is the influence by those around us. We do tend to take on traits of those around us, especially those who have a hand in teaching us to communicate. A fun fact about me, when I was a baby I had an issue taking the bottle because of my tongue and it had to be clipped. Well it was clipped to far and I didnt have good control over it. So I had to start intensive speech and physical therapy at 3. And I did not get out of speech therapy till I was 9. It took a while for me to learn to speak properly. So all my therapist were female, and I’m very aware of where the tongue is suppose to be to make certain sounds. This makes me sound different than those around me. People not from the south only hear my feminine southern accent. And always comment on it. People from the south have asked am I from the UK because I speak differently than they do and they hear a different accent. Now I was always very self conscious about my voice, and I still have some insecurities. I’m fine with the sounding gay (though I’m often judged harder in the gay community to my face than in the straight world now). My main issue is one word... my name! I hate saying my name. If I don’t think about it I rush it and it sounds all wrong... people will hear Bruce, Bross, Ross... if I over think it my family makes fun of me because it sounds kinda like Br-ICCCE I stretch out the ICE sound for some reason I don’t know... 6 years of teaching me to talk and no one taught me to say Bryce! It’s like transitioning from the R to the ICE sound takes me a second to get lol I just don’t compute those sounds quickly enough lol!
I guess I've never really thought that much about it. I'm a big guy and my voice is pretty deep so I guess before I knew a lot of gay people I didn't have much occasion to think about it, then once I did know a fair number of gay people I went to the other extreme of having a really significant portion of people I knew be gay men so it didn't really strike me as remarkable then either...
I've heard voice is one of the last parts of themselves and others many gay men become comfortable with. I'll admit that hearing Clinton Kelly does make me slightly uncomfortable, but that could also be due to his "big" personality.
My friend, I also went to a speech therapist from grade school until I was a senior in high school. My tongue was fine, but there were certain sounds I found difficult to pronounce. After all those years in speech therapy, my voice has a very odd twang now. People often mistake me for being Canadian, Australian or sometimes even British. They do not believe I was raised in Ohio. It's so funny. My challenge is when I have to say a word I've never uttered before. My son (when he was smoking) wanted some cigarettes. I went into a service station and had to say " I need a pack of Marlboro's." My son couldn't help but laugh out loud when he heard me stumble about saying "maaa boo, bow ers, mar el oros..." Thank goodness my boy no longer smokes those cigarettes! *laugh*
My daughter Sophia has a very hard time with making r into w (she is only 6) so she will say things stretched to make her R so wun becomes rrrrrrrrrrrun.
I've been told I have a camp voice by some people but others just think I have receded pronounciation. I think in the UK there's a crossover where sometimes people who have a slightly posh accent sound camp?
The R took me Thebes longest to learn. Part of my therapy was them using those stick things and all to hold my tongue where it was suppose to go... and the curve and all it’s takes a minute. If I’m talking fast and just going excited I may miss an r lol still and I’m 30 so the struggle is real!
From my experience (especially working behind a bar days) there are just as many people faking the "gay voice". Amazing to meet a guy, adamant that he's straight with a deep butch voice, then serve him again two weeks later and he's camp as Christmas. Eventually most people settle somewhere in the middle of faking straight and acting gay but whatever the voice, the most important thing is for it to be genuine. Faking your voice is a key indicator that you either have esteem issues to work through or something to hide and most people will be wary of that. Also, the put-on overly camp "gay voice" is usually associated with a bitchy attitude and can give people the impression of snobbery. If you naturally have a soft or high voice it will draw little attention. If you add a sassy attitude and camp vocabulary, matched by a lot of pouting and snooty expressions then that's probably the bit people find unattractive.
