For being 2 women wanting to leave VERY unhappy marriages to be together? My marriage is to a man which obviously didnt work because I didn't admit I was a lesbian... Hers is to a woman but it has always been distant and her wife very emotionally and mentally abusive. We found each other somehow and fell in love. We each have one child(mine obviously with husband, hers adopted). I mean I know we have families but we are both miserable there and have been since before we met each other. Should we go with the life is short lets just be together and be happy or should we stick it out where we are? We have an amazing connection so different than anything else. Such a hard time right now. All I want is to be with her and vice versa. And its not like we just met yesterday this has been ongoing.
Can’t imagine wanting to stay and be unhappy for rest of your life. You owe it to yourself to live as a lesbian if that brings you comfort and happiness. Easy no but certainly doable, pain for everyone sure but it’s not fatal. It sounds like you are ready to live the gay lifestyle you desire. I hope you and your partner find that happiness as a couple.
We are all in control of our own happiness. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live a happier life. Maybe both of your spouses will be happier being free to meet someone else also. It won’t be easy, my break up was painful and long, but there was still love it just didn’t work anymore. I tried my best to limit hurt and respect my now ex. Does your husband know about your sexuality now?
Nope! Breakups are painful by definition...but you can minimise that by continuing to take care of ex’s by being honest, respectful, and rational.
It’s not an ideal situation, obvi. But I will say neither of you should leave y’alls relationship for the other. It puts so much pressure on each other. If something happens you don’t want to blame the other person for that decision. Leaving your marriage has to be because you know it’s right for you. Not because you are leaving to be with someone else. You’re not happy in the relationship, and you may be in a mixed orientation relationship which seems like you may not want to be. I know it sounds weird but meeting her has brought to light your true feelings... you kinda gotta but your connection with her aside and just consider your sexuality and how your current relationship and that works. Does it work? Could it work? If the answers are no then I don’t see staying as an option. No matter what it’s a hard process and you can’t label yourself the worst! The guilt and all sucks... I know it did when I came out while married. But we all deserve to be happy, we all have made side steps in life... we kinda just gotta own up to it and get on our right path
My short answer is no, not at all. My long answer is also no, but my advice would be don't leave your current marriages for each other because that puts a lot of pressure on your new relationship. Leave your current marriages because they are unhealthy and not right for either of you, regardless of what you move onto. Sure splitting relationships is harder when there are children involved, I don't think anyone will deny that but what children need more than anything (including parents who are together) is love and support and we are best able to provide this love and support to them when we are happy and healthy. Children can sense tension and unhappiness in a relationship however well we try and hide it. So my advice is that it is probably in everyones best interests that you leave your current relationships and I do not think it makes you bad people at all but do it for yourselves because you both deserve better, not for each other.
Like stated in other posts here, the reason to leave your current relationship is that it no longer reflects who you are sexually. Don’t make the reason another person, it would be too easy to place blame if things go south. Leaving your hetero marriage will free you to openly and honestly explore your same sex feelings. Whatever new relationship you establish will be free of involvement in the dissolution of your current marriage. It’s certainly sounds as if you are seeking an out and for everyone’s overall best interests mostly your children it might be time for you to pull the trigger. Not easy but life is short and to be unhappy for the rest of your life would be dismal. Good luck and keep moving forward. The rearview mirror won’t help in this situation.
You're probably idealizing your potential future situation and overly denigrating your current situation. That's not to say you should stay where you are, but sober reflection on how things may actually be if you make the break would seem to be a smart thing to do.
Oh, it wasnt meeting her that brought to light my feelings for women., It was another woman 4 years ago. And my husband has known all along. He just wants me to stay for our son.
I can think of at least a dozen people that are worse than you. Many of them work for the US government. So you're definitely not at the bottom of the list
I’m so sorry! I didn’t see a notifaction for this... Well he knows about your sexuality so that’s good. But honestly staying unhappy for the kids isn’t great. Because they know y’all aren’t happy, and they don’t get to see a functioning healthy loving relationship (I’m saying this as a kid of parents who stayed together for the kids)!
I stayed in a marriage in order to try to "preserve" some semblance of family unity for my children. As time went on, our anxiety, distrust, and resentment for each other grew. The kids could feel it -- everyone could. It would have been so much better if we had separated at the moment we both knew it was over. A lot of damage could have been prevented.
