I’m not sure if this is quite the right place to put this, but since it’s related to gender identity I’m putting it here. I’ve been questioning for a couple years. I have realized now though that some of the feelings I’ve been having about myself and my identity are not new. Being afab I’ve never been that comfortable in my femaleness. I essentially ignored the feelings of wrongness and discomfort until about 2-2.5 years ago when I moved to finish my bachelors. I think I’ve been in a downward spiral since then and my mental health hit rock bottom during the previous semester. I recently found a therapist at the urging of my family. Long story short, I think I’m probably a non-binary transguy though I’m still pretty insecure in my identity and rather confused. So I think I’m in need of a safe space to experiment with pronouns and possibly names with people I see regularly. I’m out to my parents, both my siblings, and my best friend all of whom have been wonderful. But they all live in a different state. I have an aunt and uncle and three of my cousins where I currently live. I have not talked to any of them, however, because I am unsure of how they’ll react to me being trans. I am tentatively planning to talk to a cousin and see how he thinks his parents will take it. I feel like I need the real life experience to figure out what feels right. It’s not enough for me to see a therapist, and talk to family about some of this to be able to figure myself out. I’m wanting a little more input here. Any thoughts or advice is welcome. Any thoughts on creating a safe space for experimenting like this? Anyone have anything that helped them find more certainty?
For me, safe spaces were on forums such as these or in private where I could wear what I wanted. It was talking to my supportive brother. It was finding a therapist I could talk to about these things. It depends on your circumstances. Sometimes you just need to go ahead and take the first step by telling a close friend or family member, asking them to call you by your preferred name and pronouns. Even if it is just when you two are alone. Then you can get a feeling for if you want to be called that way in public. You can try going by different names on online forums and see what feels natural. It took me about five names over the course of two years before I settled on Alec. Or you could try small things like going to a coffee shop and having them write your preferred name on the cup. Sometimes I would even play video games and make a character that looked like me, named them that, and played as "myself." Or change your name on your email account. Getting to a place where you are comfortable to experiment with your name and pronouns alone gives you a chance to feel it out for yourself rather than relying on others' expectations. You can also try and find LGBT safe spaces and come out there. People in those spaces are generally very respectful and encouraging.
I essentially wear what I want. Or maybe just more so than I did until recently. Not a huge change, since I've always been pretty masculine, but wearing more men's clothes has certainly made me happy. I have a therapist, which has helped me to relieve a little anxiety and makes it all easier to talk about. But I'm still going by my birth name there. My friend, brother, sister, and parents have all said I can talk to them too, so I do have supportive people. It all helps. I just am not out to anyone locally which I feel like would be easier... I'm waffling right now. I was intending to at least tell said supportive family what I want to try. I don't get to talk to them that often though. Student life keeps me busy. I was hoping that this forum might be a good place for me to maybe try some things. Anonymity helps. I have friends and a group on campus in our "rainbow room" here that know me. I'm sure would be welcoming, I'm just not ready to be out publicly at all yet. I really like the coffee shop idea! I hadn't thought of that, or an email account.
