I don't have a partner and I don't fit in with the culture I live in so my only sexual outlet is masturbation. Until recently, I viewed real porn (I also enjoy hentai and using Personality Forge's cyber sex bots) as visual material for my masturbation activity but after seeing some videos of some girls I used to enjoy seeing, I can no longer watch real porn anymore. The gothic and punk girls I enjoyed viewing (Only their lesbian scenes. I don't like straight sex even though I am a straight guy) I unfortunately have found out have done scenes with the kinds of guys who bullied me in high school as well as cuckholding guys who are considered "wimps" and "losers" which I am often categorized as. It further makes me feel like I am considered unfit to have a partner and my sexual desires will go to the grave with me never being fulfilled.
Why do you feel unfit to have a partner. Your desire is to be with a girl or guy? I am a bit confused?
I have failed to establish a relationship and I keep worrying I will have to become like the jerks who bullied me in high school to finally succeed. I want to be with a girl.
I should have asked your age> I dealt with a lot in HS as well but HS is done with, you can be free to be yourself now. As for the porn I would refrain for all of it for awhile. Try masturbating to your own thoughts and desires. Don't think less of yourself and don't compare your self to others. No one has the perfect life and there is no such thing as normal. Dean
I am 30 years old if you needed to know my age. I struggle with the social world because I have Aspergers as well as bad anxiety and clinical depression. I've tried to get out of my rut but I've struggled for 13 years.
Im assuming you have a professional to talk to about mental health. Have you found that helpful? Also, not looking at porn isn’t a bad thing either. If anything that might push you to dig deeper into figuring out ways to work around your struggles with meeting people out there.
Hi, Markness and welcome. I can imagine how difficult it must be to have the experiences you are having, and feel like there isn't a solution. In my experience, however, there are a lot of options to improve things for you. Asperger's (now simply known as high functioning autism) adds a layer of complication to the difficulty you are probably having connecting with people. The anxiety and depression (which are very often co-occurrent with autism) also have a significant effect. Work on these, and a lot of other things will change. In your case, I think it might be sensible to lay off of the porn for a bit and focus your masturbation on your own fantasies. If you decide to start that, it will probably be difficult for the first week or two, but if you continue with it, I think you'll find that the quality of your experiences improves considerably. Porn tends to be numbing after a while, and can easily desensitize you. I would also suggest if you are not already seeing a therapist for the anxiety and depression issues, that you prioritize that; those tend to really get in the way of any sort of meaningful relationship, in part because if you're down and anxious all the time, that's sort of the message you put out to the world, and so not a lot of people are going to be attracted to that (and those that are probably aren't the healthiest emotionally.) The good news is, even at 30, it is quite possible to learn to make the brain connections that are inherently less present for those on the autism spectrum. Understanding emotional relationships will never be as easy for you as it is for someone who doesn't have that challenge, but it is definitely something that you can get considerable improvement on. So I would say that as you work on those things with a therapist, you'll likely see a change in outlook, and also stronger skills in reading other people's moods, which makes a huge difference in connecting with people.
