What are the most "hurtful" things your mom / dad said to you?

I guess there were things. I mean I tried to kill myself my senior year in high school and I wasn't bullied at school so there must have been things. But I honestly don't see the point of dwelling on them. My parents didn't know I was gay and frankly in that time and place expecting my parents to prepare for the possibility that I might have been gay would have been like expecting them to operate with the proper sensitivity in case I turned out to be a space alien. They did the best they could with the information they had, and frankly I withheld the most relevant information. That's on me. Once they had that information they rallied despite the fact that it damn near destroyed my Mother. They were well-meaning, loving people who were just as trapped in the time and situation as was I. And frankly I miss them dearly...

 

The hurtful things my parents did or said were not specific to my sexuality. Although not sexuality specific, their actions diminished my self esteem and self respect which inhibited my confidence. The lack of confidence further deteriorated my ability to embrace my sexuality when confronted with broader societal heteronormative and homophobic messages.

The past can’t be changed, but we all have the ability to rise above the past and live our truth.

 

I'm in my early twenties. When I get past 25, I am probably going to get bombarded with questions like that. Ugh...is it a universal thing for all parents to say that to their children?

 

My parents have said that homosexuality is dirty and it's something that's hard for them to accept.

They said it even after I gave them a new years card with rainbow flags printed on it, as an attempt to familiarize them with the topic. Seriously?

 

Well, some comments you never forget. When I was about 16 my mom, perhaps suspecting that I was gay, told me that "I'm ashamed of you and I've always been!" After I didn't say a word. I turned round, went up to my room, and balled my eyes out.

 

The one that stick out in my mind. I will disown you and never speak to you again if I ever find out your gay. She also applied that to other races when she found out my oldest daughter was dating an African American gentleman. My parents and brother are the biggest bigots I know which is why I have very little to do with them. I’m at a point in my life where I’m free standing, in a successful career, and I have built my own support system out of friends that I call my friemily. Our bonds are thicker than blood. But my family is old school hell fire and brimstone religious. They still stuck in 1950 so I still hear lots of horrible things.

 

When my parents' marriage was ending (when I was in high school), there was apparently one day when they were either talking or (more likely) arguing, and my father called me a "social misfit." I was not present, but I sure heard about it later from my mother. And those words really stuck. Unfortunately, given how hard/impossible it is for me to make friends, I have to wonder if that label wasn't just an accurate label...

I also recall when I was quite a bit younger at least one incident when I wasn't doing a good job of conforming to male mores. Nothing was said, but it was clear my father did not approve.

 

When I was about 14, my brother started using the word "sucker" to insult about anyone. My dad took me aside and asked me to talk to my brother and tell him what that meant because the thought of a guy doing that to another was so despicable that he couldn't stomach telling him. I told my brother and we both got aroused...LOL. My parents wouldn't speak to me for a year after I started dating my wife (out of the faith).

Anyway, fast forward 30 years and my father attended, proudly, my brother's wedding to man and he had a special fondness for my sister's partner. My mother wears a Pride t-shirt and gave up her religion. People change. Our parents just didn't understand what all of this meant. I can't dwell too much on this. Yes, it harmed me and there is no way around that. But, I have to cut them some slack on this.

I am so saddened, however, when I talk with my 30 ish friend about this. In this day and age, he is still rejected by his parents for who he is. That's a terrible thing to feel (I know...a lot of us do). Why hasn't that changed?

 

My dad was physically and emotionally abusive, while my mother was distant. They didn’t/don’t know about my sexuality at this point, but now that I think about it, I remember my dad asking me directly as a teenager if I was a lesbian. Why did he ask me that? I always thought I hid my feelings so well, but maybe I did not. As kids we can’t really help our feelings and how we show them... I remember drawing lots of pictures of women’s bodies, being obsessed with boobs (Dolly Parton, hello!), making my Barbies kiss each other, etc. So I cannot related to being rejected after coming out, but I still worry about how my dad would react (my mom passed away). I’m still married to my husband anyway so I’m still trying to sort this all out myself. I think my dad would accept it, but I think he’d mostly be heartbroken that I’d be breaking up my family, as he adores my husband and my kids.

 

I remember my mom asking "Do you have AIDS?" the day after I came out to her. At the time it was hurtful but now that I look back it's quite funny.

 

When my mom told me she wished I was dying instead of someone else.

 

Just being generally insulting/abusive. I had a weight problem when I was younger and I can vividly remember my grandpa calling me fat and lazy. I've since lost the weight and look great now (6'3", about 220 lbs). But that really hurt. Grandma used to call me an asshole and other insulting names. So yea, a whole childhood of that kind of shit.

 

I come from a very repressed culture and the most hurtful thing my parents have ever done to me was interact with my aunt's husband after he tried to rape me.

I love my parents and I know they try hard to keep the peace, but this always makes me angry when I think about it.

 

Deep seeded prejudices created by religious upbringing in rural communities. And maybe?

 

I grew up with my father saying he Woild prefer his son to be dead than Gay.

My mum just did syupis "jokes" but that's not bad, but what my father used to say stuck with me until today.

 

Wow. As a parent I cannot imagine ever thinking that of my kids. I am so sorry.

 

This is horrible and can be scarring for life. My wife's mother said the same thing to her but not about being gay. This is the sort of thing that is so difficult to repair. Have you been able to rebuild any relationship with your mom?