Even though I can tell my mother would secretly be extremely uncomfortable with it, there isn't much reason why I shouldn't come out to my family because these days, and in my area/country, it's perfectly fine. I'm almost certain they all know anyway. the thing is, what made it even harder was when - long story - some of them cornered me about being abused/raped. These people have also let me down and broken my trust too many times that it wouldn't have helped to talk to them about it. And - I know it sounds crazy - but they definitely already knew about what happened and were pretending to not know (my mother was literally *there* and aware). There are signs everywhere that it happened to both of them too, but they both deny it - while at the same time, they sounded eager to use this as proof that I'm broken and can't function without them (as usual.) My mum brought it up whenever she felt like it. When I tried to question why she thinks it means I'm "permanently damaged" or something, she just replied that some other victim/survivors' parent said that it made them into and 15-year-old again. I'm rambling, but my point is that I feel so violated by them crossing so many boundaries already, including the intentional infantilisation and ostracising, that the idea of "coming out" to them feels like I'd be destroying myself yet again. I don't think they deserve it. I don't want to add to what they already want to perceive me as and they'd just dramatise stuff anyway. Anyone else feel too violated by certain people that "coming out" to them is out of the question?
Dude I'm so sorry that you've been through all this. Nobody should ever have to experience anything like the things you have. But this does not have to mean you're permanently damaged. And as far as I can tell, you're not. You're damn strong, never forget that. You don't need to come out to your family if you feel violated by them. In fact, I would advise against it. They don't sound like good, supportive people, and there's a chance that they'll use your sexuality and vulnerability as another thing they have against you. Feel free to come out to supportive friends and whatnot, but it might cause more harm than good to tell your family. As for other people feeling violated... Short answer, in my case, is yes. I came out to my parents before I realised how bad they were. Nothing good has come out of me doing so, since. Nowadays I regret coming out at all. If you have a gut feeling that it would be a really bad idea to come out to your family, please listen to it. Assess your situation and try to determine if coming out to them would be more beneficial to your life, or a detriment. Keep in mind that your family not supporting you can be a huge blow in your path to accepting yourself.
This is a relief after hearing for so long that coming out to your family will make you "feel better". And that sounds really hard with your family - while I haven't come out to mine, I have shared other things with them that I really, really wish I hadn't and now it feels like they're dangling it over my head constantly.
Yeah. I wish somebody had warned me that coming out to your family doesn't automatically fix everything. Encouragement is good and all, but sometimes what people need is to be realistic. Regarding divulging to family members, I feel exactly the same. The advice I said in my previous post was largely based off personal experience. My parents are the kinds of people who will use every vulnerability you have as some kind of weapon against you. It's messed up because family members should be the ones who accept you despite all your problems, and help you to overcome them.
