Am I missing something

Hi I'm kinda wondering, have you had actually gay sex yet ? Cuz i was thinking maybe, sex with your wife is sex that's familiar and comfortable? Also I wouldn't let the sex issues cloud the emotional and mental parts of being gay.
Ron

 

Yeah i bet it is.. Do you have or is it possible for you to talk with a LBGT therapist? Cuz i wondering if you're letting the fear or emotions of the unknown, be overriding by what's known .

 

Lol i think the first thing you need to do is relax a little and take a breath. I really would suggest you see if it's do able to talk to a therapist. But i still think and maybe saying fear wasn't the right wording, but you know how you and your body reacts to sex with a female, where you don't know about with another males. Plus there's a lot of gays who also have sex with woman, gay to me is how i feel inside..

 

+1 to therapy. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you but it's really no helpful to have a professional help you to work through your feelings. I know it was/ is in helping me come to terms with my sexuality and gender.

 

I agree about the counseling. Something is driving your anxiety to high levels. This constant testing to see if you are aroused by men is not a usual thing for most of us bisexuals or gay guys. It's more like we try NOT to think about men. This could be some sort of obsessive thinking. If you are OCD this could be part of it.

First, find a counselor. Second, maybe stop the JO for awhile...you are creating confusion for yourself. Third, take a deep breath and chill as other's have mentioned and just let it all rest for a bit.

 

I think that having sexual fantasies outside of your usual orientation is very common, so occasionally having a fantasy about another guy is probably not very revealing. How have your sexual experiences and relationship been with women been? Enjoyable? Fulfilling? Do you have to think about men to have an orgasm?

I don't think you can resolve this question sitting by yourself and judging the hardness of your erection. Therapy might help, or not (many are quacks). Why are you trying to become gay if you're so attracted to your wife?

 

Speaking from my own experience of a lifetime of repression from family, religion, and culture it can be very confusing understanding you sexuality and preferences.

I strongly and confidently identity as pansexual, meaning I can be potentially sexually and romantically attracted to anyone regardless of gender.

This was really confusing to me my whole life as I didn't experience much representation of pan or bi people so I kept trying to determine if I was straight or gay. It took a loooong time to realize I didn't have to 'pick a side'. Plus bi-erasure is real and there are a lot of bs steriotypes.

Again a therapist specializing in lgbt issues can be a big help

 

@aw4288 I'm glad that you reached this stage of thinking and self satisfaction. Reading your initial post actually intrigued me to reply with: Why are you pushing yourself so hard to be gay? It comes naturally, if you're gay you'll know it. And it was quiet obvious to me from your description of what arouses you and what doesn't.

Simple admiration of someone's looks is not necessarily sexually driven. We are human being who appreciate beauty wherever we find it. It is weird because I just finished a meeting with two ladies, one of them was strikingly beautiful. Her face is extremely nice to look at. Weird enough, I thought of myself: could I be Bi?! but definitely thought about it sexually and it was a big turn off to me. So yes, you can get attraction towards other male or female, but this doesn't necessarily define your sexual orientation. And even with other men, and I am gay, I can admire how beautiful a man's face is but not necessarily think of it as a sexual attraction. Other men are perhaps less beautiful but they'll attract my sexual attention pretty quickly. There is a difference between artistic beauty and sexual attraction in general, to me, if both are combined and existed in a man, it would be a heaven on earth! and those are like angels to me!

I'm happy that you found your way on this matter. Don't push it, you got a wife, your sexual life is pretty good, even when you JO you think of her to reach climax, it is pretty obvious that she turns you on.. stick with that. At the same time, admire the beauty of men and women alike, not in a sexual way, appreciate the art, lines, curves, tones and proportions. Many from both sexes are cute!

 

This is the truest statement ever. I am gay, kissing a man, cuddling with a man, being with a man sexually come natural and feel soo different from being with a woman. I can look at a woman and say she beautiful and admire her curves. Even admire them nude. My ex wife is a very beautiful woman. But being with a man makes me feel complete in a way that being with a woman never did.

A friend of mine described it best saying, The Creator made us to be beautiful and admire beauty, just because you find beauty in a woman doesn’t mean your not gay.

The same could be just as true, just because you find beauty in a man doesn’t mean your not straight.

 

Hi! Firstly, please be assured that you did exactly the right thing in talking to an LGBT helpline and other gay people about this. You seem to be handling this in a very responsible manner, so you should be really proud of yourself.

I'd urge you to discuss this with your GP as soon as possible, because it could be a case that something has previously been overlooked or your prescription needs adjusting (that's if you're currently taking medication, of course). If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can take a friend along with you to the appointment and, before your appointment, you should write down a list of things that you want to bring up (such as how you’re currently feeling, how your mood and situation are affecting your daily life, and any upsetting events from the past).

Your GP will also be happy to answer any questions that you may want to ask. Playing it safe and making sure that all bases have been covered is the most effective and pragmatic way forward. You may find this online factsheet on talking to your GP about a mental health issue useful: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/gp-visit-guide

Your GP can refer you to between five and 20 cognitive behavioural therapy sessions, which are held on a weekly or fortnightly basis and are free of charge on the NHS. Or, if you don't want to see your GP, you can refer yourself directly to your local NHS psychological therapies service, and they will get in touch within a few weeks to make an assessment and recommend a therapy.

CALM (also known as the Campaign Against Living Miserably) run a phone and web chat helpline, which is open daily between 5pm and midnight, for men aged under 45 who are concerned about their mental health. You can also visit your local Mind, Rethink Mental Illness and Turning Point offices to see if they can provide free counselling or therapy.

If you want to see a BACP-accredited therapist privately, you can search for a local therapist via their website: https://www.bacp.co.uk/

Anxiety UK, meanwhile, operate a helpline via email, phone, text message and web chat. They also offer low-cost therapy from just £15 per session: https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/our-services/accessing-therapy/

OCD Action, who run a helpline that can be contacted via email and phone, have published a list of local support groups for people who have been diagnosed with OCD: https://www.ocdaction.org.uk/support-groups#zoom=5&lat=7175390.82387&lon=-291552.06131&layers=TB00

OCD-UK, the national OCD charity, operate their own support groups in Belfast, Derby, Edinburgh, Nottingham and Worthing. Their website also provides details of support groups that are run independently of OCD-UK in Eastleigh, Liverpool, London, Oxford and Portsmouth: https://www.ocduk.org/support-groups/

TOP UK, an OCD and phobia charity, run a virtual support group, as well as weekly self-help groups in Bath, Bristol, Cardiff, Jersey, London, Plymouth and Torquay. They also recommend reading chapters 11 and 12 of Living With Fear: Understanding & Coping With Anxiety by Professor Isaac Marks before joining a support group: http://www.topuk.org/topuk-groups/

ADT Healthcare operate a 24/7 telephone helpline called Video Game Addiction, which is aimed at people who are concerned about a potential internet and/or video game addiction. Their helpline can also refer you to treatment that is best suited to your needs: http://www.videogameaddiction.co.uk/

I hope that this helps you go forward in a way that feels right for you.